Any tips on how to be less lonely at uni

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Reply 1

Coventry University Student Ambassadors

Official Rep

18

Hi there,

Loneliness can be a huge thing to overcome in university, everyone goes through it at some stage to a degree - I would say my main advice would be to not pressure yourself for a connection. I know i found it took a long time to connect with people on my course and you've said that societies didn't go well for you. Have you considered joining some clubs or groups outside the uni, or joining a sports/hobby society to fill the time. Even if you feel like you're just filling the time - seeing many more people and filling the time with socializing can help until you make that connection with others.

Hope this helps
Amber
Coventry University Student Ambassador

Reply 2

Kingston Zhi En

Official Rep

11

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi there, I totally get how uni life can seem isolating at first. Good friendships take many years to build and don't form as easily as we would like them to. Just to add on to what Amber has mentioned, I think its amazing that you get along with classmates and flatmates 🙂 Personally, it was through my part-time job as a student ambassador that allowed me to meet more people and make more friends outside of my faculty and course. I would suggest going for some one-time events like a movie night, games night or a hike organised by your student union or societies that might help 🙂 I hope this helps

Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)

Reply 3

BCU Student Rep

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hey,

I completely understand how you're feeling, loneliness at uni can be really tough, especially when it feels like you’re the one always putting in the effort. What are the responses like when you message people first? If they’re friendly when you do reach out, they probably do enjoy talking to you, they might just not be great at initiating. I know it feels frustrating to always be the one reaching out, but some people just aren’t proactive with messaging.

If you get along with people on your course but don’t hang out outside class, try suggesting something casual, like grabbing lunch after a lecture, forming a study group, or even just walking to/from class together. I realised that sometimes people just need a little push to connect outside of the classroom setting.

Hope this helps,
Danish
BCU Student Rep

Reply 4

LancashireRep1

Official Rep

16

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi there,

Something I wish I heard when I was feeling like this is that it takes time to make friends. Have patience. I didn't give it enough time or patience to form friendships. Connecting with the right people can take time. You might not have even met the person who you may be friends with. You never know where you might meet someone. As already mentioned, joining clubs outside of uni are great as you mentioned not having luck with societies. This could be a running club you do one a week or another sports club.

Joining Facebook groups or other social media groups may be an option for you too. You could meet people you may not have met on campus yet. Getting to know someone digitally may also be easier to get to know them a little before meeting them. 🙂

Part time roles whilst studying are another way to meet new people and make friends. I made many friends at work which also made work more enjoyable as I was working with friends. Most universities have student ambassador roles which are great as they work around your uni timetable. You get meet other students and become friends. You've got this and don't forget you are not alone in feeling like this.

I hope this helps 🙂
^Zac

Reply 5

LJMUStudentReps

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hey! So sorry to hear you are having some issues with loneliness. I know how this feels as I felt the same when I first went to uni. I got along with my flatmates however two of them decided to drop out in the first semester so this left me feeling super lonely! I also got along with course mates but felt the same as you do in the sense of the vibes just not being it. I think I was so deflated about my two flatmates leaving that I just kind of gave up with trying to make friends and just stopped making effort.
I decided to get a part-time job and this really helped me with my socialising and confidence as I met some great people there! Further from this, I decided to make some effort with my course mates by walking to lectures together, getting coffee etc as I felt the conversations got so much better when we weren't sat in a lecture room etc. I met more people through my course mates as they introduced me to people on other courses or their flatmates etc. I also joined a club separate from the uni and I loved it so much! If you don't enjoy the societies in uni have a look for some outside of it- I am sure you will be surprised how much goes on in your city!
Also, maybe have a look on Instagram etc for some social groups in your city. I know that in Liverpool there are a few groups that are organised to help people make friends whilst at uni or just in general, and they often revolve around events that don't include alcohol or clubbing!

Most importantly, don't give up hope on making connections. Keep being yourself and making the effort as a little goes a long way! You will soon find people who you click with and a routine that you are happy in. Remember though if you are struggling to reach out to your uni's wellbeing team or any academics you can talk to. I found this really helped me to be able to talk to someone about how I was feeling- don't keep it inside! You are an amazing person who deserves to be happy and make connections 🙂

Ria
Official LJMU Rep

Reply 6

hallamstudents

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi there,

I am really sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. It's really hard when you feel lonely at uni and I understand how you are feeling.

Have you tried having a look on social media? This is often a good way of meeting people that you may not meet otherwise. Have a look on Facebook if you have it as there are often groups on there for different universities and these are good ways of meeting some new people.

You could also see if your student union puts any events on. Often the SU will put different events on for students and these are really good ways of doing something new and also meeting some new people at the same time! It's worth having a look as they are often quite fun.

Another idea that you may not have thought of is having a look and seeing if there are any other clubs in your area that are not associated with your uni. Often places will have sports teams/other social groups that you can join where you can do an activity and meet some people! I know you have not found a society that you like, but this may be a good alternative.

Looking for campus jobs is also good for meeting people. You may be able to help out at an open day, or something similar which are great for meeting some more people at your uni.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 7

UoL Students

Official Rep

16

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hello,

I am really sorry you feel this way, I completely understand how you feel with being in a similar situation. Do you do any volunteering, employment or hobbies in the local community? This is how I have made my friends and yes they may all be older than me ranging between ages 21 to 80 but I really appreciate these people in my life.

It is not easy but it takes time to find good friends so as hard as it is, try to be patient and take any opportunity which comes your way.

I hope this helps, if you have any further questions or anything at all please do let me know.

Charlie
Law LLB Student

Reply 8

University of Bath

Official Rep

14

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi there,

You've had a ton of good advice already. This is more just to reassure you how normal it is to have those feelings. Its not uncommon for students and people in the same age range to feel worried about loneliness - with so much online working, working from home and the rise of Teams we are having on average a lot less human contact and there are less opportunities generally to meet people in-person.

1.

Keep doing what you're doing! Message people, arrange to go for a coffee after a lecture, try to see if your group for coursework want to meet for a meal to celebrate the end of a project.

2.

Suggest doing something with your flatmates - how about a homemade pizza night or something for Easter before you all go home?

3.

How about trying again with a society - try to reach out to people, take a role in arranging the socials, are you interested in going for a role on that society's committee?

As you settle into your course you will get to meet a variety of different people, including through group projects, lectures and any clubs you join. I would say you are doing the right things by keeping in touch with people and putting yourself out there. Friendships will develop if you keep at it. Just don't give up 🙂

Wishing you the best of luck!

Holly
University of Bath

Reply 9

Chester Student

12

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi there,

Loneliness at university can be super tough, but please don't give up trying.

What do you do in your free time? Are you interested in trying something new? I think this would be a great place to look next, as there are so many things out there that you can get involved in. For example, I used to volunteer for a range of different places until I found something I really enjoyed with great people. I also work part-time as a student ambassador, which is a great way to meet other students! Your local area might also offer different groups for your interests, so it would be worth looking.

It can take time to overcome loneliness. It takes time to meet people and make those worthwhile connections, but it is doable. My main piece of advice would be to get involved in what you love, and make the most of everyday. Eventually, you will meet people you click with.

Best of luck,

Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography (With a Year Abroad)

Reply 10

YSJstudents

Official Rep

15

Original post

by Anonymous

LONELINESS is a massive issue for me. I get along with people on my course but don't really hang out with them outside class. Most of the time, I have to initiate the conversation for them to talk to me. No one even bothers messaging me unless I message first. I didn't have much luck with societies either. My flatmates are lovely but I just don't vibe with them. I don't have a partner. Also, I don't drink so clubbing isn't really an option to make friends. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hi!

Im sorry to hear you are feeling so lonely, I completely understand how you feel. I want to remind you that it takes time to build friendships. I didn't even meet the majority of my closest friends until at least second semester of first year! So keep putting in the effort and you will get there. Also, don't let loneliness deter you from getting involved - this is the best way to meet people and make those friendships, it takes time but it will happen!

Hope this helps! Faye 🙂

Any tips on how to be less lonely at uni

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