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situationship/friendship/relationship advice needed

ok so im 16 and hes 16 and weve been through alot together so here goes..
we got sat next to each other in a dt class in y8 (we were 12) and we got on really well. he wont admit it but he liked me in y8 and it was clear to me. i didnt like him instantly although i found that we had a good connection and had some nice talks and we flirted dumbly as we were just 12 and only knew to touch each others hands and look at each others eyes. but our friend groups never came close to one another so i never spoke to him too much outside of class in y8.
end of y8 he texts me for the first time and it flows so easily
y9 we dont have any classes tg but i text him and we basically text every day for that whole year and walk home together but no one really knew that we were friends even though it was just a friendship with subtle undertones of liking each other more
bare in mind i still do have a crush on him but i notice at this point that he doesnt seem to like me and talk to me how he did in y8 and he mightve lost feelings
y10 still texting yet still no classes tg but at this point our friends know we talk to one another but its still just walking home together and long conversations on text sometimes late into the night. i consider him one of my closest friends at this point although i never asked him what he considers me and i still like him.
then he asks me out in y10 but it doesnt expliciy seem romantic - its casual since we know each other well. he comes to my work to get me and we flirt ..but we're both flirty personalities.
at this point his friends are shipping us and we walk around together at lunch occasionally and i come to his class and wait for him.
then we have a school camping trip and me and him end up alone together in a tent since we'd planned to watch a movie but we only get through 20 mins and end up pausing it and talking through the night about everything instead until i sleep in his lap at around 4am
2 weeks later (around june) out of the blue when were literally having a conversation on text he basically cuts me off and tells me he doesnt consider me a close friend at all and says we should not ever talk to each other ever again and when i question him and say that weve been friends for 3 years he gives a bunch of nonsensical reasons and basically acts like were going through a breakup even though we were always undefined or 'just friends'
y11 no classes together and hes still not talking to me until around november when somehow we start talking and texting again and i even admitted that i liked him in y8. we flirt and text alot and walk home together.
now, he leaves me on read often and basically goes through a 3 week cycle where he flirts with me when we walk home together and on text for a week then for the next 2 weeks he is dry and acts as if he doesnt want to talk to me, and literally ignores me when were walking next to each other after school

we are so far apart from how we were 4 years ago and i miss everything so much especially those 2 months in y10 when he seemed like he liked me even though we never ever discussed our feelings to one another although his friends would call us out clearly
srry this is such a long post but i feel so deeply about him and i know he doesnt care for me how i care about him. maybe he likes another girl or he has attachment issues but idk if i should stop talking to him once and for all?? because he makes me sad when he treats me badly but i crave what we were at the same time and i dont want to let him go. or should i have a conversation with him??
we wont be in the same school next year either and im dreading it so much...
jsut need general advice thanks so much to whoeer reads this essay :smile:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

to elaborate i know him very well but i dont know if im just imagining that i know him or if i really do know him. we talk alot about everything and i used to belive that we have a mutual strong connection, both emotionally and physically but im now questioning it since it seems like its so easy for him to not talk to me for days,weeks, months, and he doesnt have the same gleam in his eye that he used to have

Reply 2

sophiechemgirl

tell him how you feel. especially, tell him that this behaviour is not fair to you and that you aren't just something he can go back to when he feels like it. make it clear that unless something changes, you won't continue talking to him.
if he does decide he will try to be better, HOLD HIM TO IT. if the situation ends up like this again, run a mile. people like this can change, but not all choose to, and if he sees you as unimportant it will be possible for him to treat you this way again. you deserve better than this.

also make sure to take care of yourself, and focus on your life outside of him. situations like this aren't good for anyone and will only seem worse if you make him the centre of your life. he isn't the be all and all.

good luck!

Reply 3

ecl1pseluna

girl please let him go and heal I know it's harder than it sounds but you still need to do it

Reply 4

axsfc

let go of the bum. he is tryna act hard and tough so leave him before he leaves u

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by sophiechemgirl

tell him how you feel. especially, tell him that this behaviour is not fair to you and that you aren't just something he can go back to when he feels like it. make it clear that unless something changes, you won't continue talking to him.
if he does decide he will try to be better, HOLD HIM TO IT. if the situation ends up like this again, run a mile. people like this can change, but not all choose to, and if he sees you as unimportant it will be possible for him to treat you this way again. you deserve better than this.
also make sure to take care of yourself, and focus on your life outside of him. situations like this aren't good for anyone and will only seem worse if you make him the centre of your life. he isn't the be all and all.
good luck!

thank you so much! this is really good advice i really apprciate it. i jus dont know whether i should go into the conversation talking to him with a 'friendship' approach or with a 'more-than-friends approach'

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by ecl1pseluna

girl please let him go and heal I know it's harder than it sounds but you still need to do it

yes i have been trying to detach but im just worried ill never find anyone i love so perfectly again like how i love him

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by axsfc

let go of the bum. he is tryna act hard and tough so leave him before he leaves u

yeah he has a tendency to act this way but is the softest person when were alone. i will try to leave him once an for all though especially before gcses!

Reply 8

axsfc

Original post by Anonymous

yeah he has a tendency to act this way but is the softest person when were alone. i will try to leave him once an for all though especially before gcses!

yh because if he leaves u first, u would look... idk sort of vulnerable?

Reply 9

sophiechemgirl

Original post by Anonymous

its so difficult, especially when the whole problem is that he is being unclear about how he feels. either way i think it would still be a similar conversation as he is being unfair whether you are friends or more than that. from the sounds of it i wouldn't want him around at all if he is causing this much stress.

also reading some other comments i just want to say that leaving him won't mean never finding love, it feels like it sometimes but there is always the potential to move on. i also want to say that stressing for him is definetly not worth it during gcses- don't ruin your permanent results for someone temporary who doesn't even treat you well.