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What are my chances ever dating?

Hi. I'm a 24yo guy with zero success on the dating apps. I attribute this mostly to my looks and physical characteristics - namely, I'm short (around 5'4") and bald (due to genetics). Admittedly, I wasn't really looking for relationships a couple of years ago as I was focusing mostly on the uni work, however, I decided that it was time once I graduated from my undergrads. Since then, I've been using dating apps as some friends have suggested. However, so far I've had no success at all. I understand that this is a numbers game where I'm an anomaly considering most people, yet, I thought out of the many women I've swiped on in these apps, at least one would have been out there to connect with me. Now I feel like I'll never find a match. For context, I've been in and out of the dating apps in the past 2 years but combined, I must have liked thousands of people already and yet not a single like back. And before anyone asks me, I have talked irl with women here and there and usually I quickly understand that they're not interested in me, although, my main efforts have been on the dating apps. I have even had friends who have been very successful in these apps help me with selecting photos, etc. Any ideas what I can do or should I accept that I'll be alone forever?

Reply 1

hey, 23 y/o woman here whos only been in one serious relationship. my advice is dont use dating apps lol. genuinely as a woman they are scary, and very physical attraction based. i once tried one at uni and firstly i hated taking pics of myself and advertising myself like a job application, then youd get really shallow messages from people trying to start a convo, it overall is just kind of gross and not a positive way to start a connection with someone.
genuinely, go into the real world. work a job with many collegues of similar age, or that gets you meeting people. find irl dating events like speed dating. or just make more friends, i think the best way to start a healthy relationship is just being friends first without the expectation of romance.

also, i have heard height is a really dumb factor for men (and women somewhat). you can deffo find tall women who want a shorter guy, or just shorter women who are fine with you being the same height (im 5ft 2 and would be fine w the same height partner, i couldnt date shorter because its hard to find shorter!).
my advice tldr, just look for irl ways to make connections and go from there.

Reply 2

Original post
by Anonymous
hey, 23 y/o woman here whos only been in one serious relationship. my advice is dont use dating apps lol. genuinely as a woman they are scary, and very physical attraction based. i once tried one at uni and firstly i hated taking pics of myself and advertising myself like a job application, then youd get really shallow messages from people trying to start a convo, it overall is just kind of gross and not a positive way to start a connection with someone.
genuinely, go into the real world. work a job with many collegues of similar age, or that gets you meeting people. find irl dating events like speed dating. or just make more friends, i think the best way to start a healthy relationship is just being friends first without the expectation of romance.
also, i have heard height is a really dumb factor for men (and women somewhat). you can deffo find tall women who want a shorter guy, or just shorter women who are fine with you being the same height (im 5ft 2 and would be fine w the same height partner, i couldnt date shorter because its hard to find shorter!).
my advice tldr, just look for irl ways to make connections and go from there.

Thanks for your advice. I generally agree that irl meeting first would be better and it's more natural. There are 2 reasons why I decided to try the dating apps. First, most of my friends have had good success there (both male and female). Secondly, I'm generally shy when it comes to engaging in conversation with women unless I'm somewhere for a particular reason. For example, if it's a work/business meeting then I have no problem or if it is related to some event. However, If I'm at a party and I've not been introduced to a woman that I want to talk to then I'm quite shy because I feel like I'm judged instantly. It's really hard when you don't have experience dating and at this age I feel like I'm too late to the party as everyone seems to have been in a relationship before

Reply 3

Original post
by Anonymous
Thanks for your advice. I generally agree that irl meeting first would be better and it's more natural. There are 2 reasons why I decided to try the dating apps. First, most of my friends have had good success there (both male and female). Secondly, I'm generally shy when it comes to engaging in conversation with women unless I'm somewhere for a particular reason. For example, if it's a work/business meeting then I have no problem or if it is related to some event. However, If I'm at a party and I've not been introduced to a woman that I want to talk to then I'm quite shy because I feel like I'm judged instantly. It's really hard when you don't have experience dating and at this age I feel like I'm too late to the party as everyone seems to have been in a relationship before

I'll second the idea that you may have more success in real life. What you're describing is a challenge for sure but the only way through it, is through it. Developing social confidence - which is almost another way of saying, getting comfortable with making a fool of yourself - just takes persistence and practice like anything else. It's not easy but you can see it as a form of exercise almost. Don't expect short-term success and don't get discouraged if people reject you - it happens to everyone. Make a firm, deliberate decision that you are going to do this thing for the sake of your long-term happiness. Good luck out there!

Reply 4

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi. I'm a 24yo guy with zero success on the dating apps. I attribute this mostly to my looks and physical characteristics - namely, I'm short (around 5'4") and bald (due to genetics). Admittedly, I wasn't really looking for relationships a couple of years ago as I was focusing mostly on the uni work, however, I decided that it was time once I graduated from my undergrads. Since then, I've been using dating apps as some friends have suggested. However, so far I've had no success at all. I understand that this is a numbers game where I'm an anomaly considering most people, yet, I thought out of the many women I've swiped on in these apps, at least one would have been out there to connect with me. Now I feel like I'll never find a match. For context, I've been in and out of the dating apps in the past 2 years but combined, I must have liked thousands of people already and yet not a single like back. And before anyone asks me, I have talked irl with women here and there and usually I quickly understand that they're not interested in me, although, my main efforts have been on the dating apps. I have even had friends who have been very successful in these apps help me with selecting photos, etc. Any ideas what I can do or should I accept that I'll be alone forever?


As a girl I hope u find someone there will be someone unfortunately ummm since ur rlly short it’s gonna be hard but you will find someone trust me don’t lose hope

Reply 5

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi. I'm a 24yo guy with zero success on the dating apps. I attribute this mostly to my looks and physical characteristics - namely, I'm short (around 5'4") and bald (due to genetics). Admittedly, I wasn't really looking for relationships a couple of years ago as I was focusing mostly on the uni work, however, I decided that it was time once I graduated from my undergrads. Since then, I've been using dating apps as some friends have suggested. However, so far I've had no success at all. I understand that this is a numbers game where I'm an anomaly considering most people, yet, I thought out of the many women I've swiped on in these apps, at least one would have been out there to connect with me. Now I feel like I'll never find a match. For context, I've been in and out of the dating apps in the past 2 years but combined, I must have liked thousands of people already and yet not a single like back. And before anyone asks me, I have talked irl with women here and there and usually I quickly understand that they're not interested in me, although, my main efforts have been on the dating apps. I have even had friends who have been very successful in these apps help me with selecting photos, etc. Any ideas what I can do or should I accept that I'll be alone forever?

I'm 35 and interacting with women.

Check out my latest thread in relationships. Very good tips.

Reply 6

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi. I'm a 24yo guy with zero success on the dating apps. I attribute this mostly to my looks and physical characteristics - namely, I'm short (around 5'4") and bald (due to genetics). Admittedly, I wasn't really looking for relationships a couple of years ago as I was focusing mostly on the uni work, however, I decided that it was time once I graduated from my undergrads. Since then, I've been using dating apps as some friends have suggested. However, so far I've had no success at all. I understand that this is a numbers game where I'm an anomaly considering most people, yet, I thought out of the many women I've swiped on in these apps, at least one would have been out there to connect with me. Now I feel like I'll never find a match. For context, I've been in and out of the dating apps in the past 2 years but combined, I must have liked thousands of people already and yet not a single like back. And before anyone asks me, I have talked irl with women here and there and usually I quickly understand that they're not interested in me, although, my main efforts have been on the dating apps. I have even had friends who have been very successful in these apps help me with selecting photos, etc. Any ideas what I can do or should I accept that I'll be alone forever?


I would say looks are not everything its all about being charismatic and your energy

Reply 7

Original post
by anosmianAcrimony
I'll second the idea that you may have more success in real life. What you're describing is a challenge for sure but the only way through it, is through it. Developing social confidence - which is almost another way of saying, getting comfortable with making a fool of yourself - just takes persistence and practice like anything else. It's not easy but you can see it as a form of exercise almost. Don't expect short-term success and don't get discouraged if people reject you - it happens to everyone. Make a firm, deliberate decision that you are going to do this thing for the sake of your long-term happiness. Good luck out there!

Thanks for your message. You're of course right - if I was a bit more outgoing then I think I would have had better chances. I used to be even less outgoing but have improved over time. Still, there're certain situations that I would feel uncomfortable in. It's just really difficult when I feel like I'm often judged by the others for stuff that doesn't depend on me in any way (I can't change it).

Reply 8

Original post
by Anonymous
As a girl I hope u find someone there will be someone unfortunately ummm since ur rlly short it’s gonna be hard but you will find someone trust me don’t lose hope

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope I do, however, after a long time of no success it just becomes a little depressing. Other people have had multiple relationship already and I have had none and its not like I'm a teenager.

Reply 9

Original post
by Anonymous
I would say looks are not everything its all about being charismatic and your energy

Yes but seems like at this age looks is the first thing most people care about. And usually you get filtered out on looks first before they get to know you. Sometimes it is possible to talk with someone and maybe they like your character and can neglect certain aspects of your looks but I feel like this is rarer at this age

Reply 10

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi. I'm a 24yo guy with zero success on the dating apps. I attribute this mostly to my looks and physical characteristics - namely, I'm short (around 5'4") and bald (due to genetics). Admittedly, I wasn't really looking for relationships a couple of years ago as I was focusing mostly on the uni work, however, I decided that it was time once I graduated from my undergrads. Since then, I've been using dating apps as some friends have suggested. However, so far I've had no success at all. I understand that this is a numbers game where I'm an anomaly considering most people, yet, I thought out of the many women I've swiped on in these apps, at least one would have been out there to connect with me. Now I feel like I'll never find a match. For context, I've been in and out of the dating apps in the past 2 years but combined, I must have liked thousands of people already and yet not a single like back. And before anyone asks me, I have talked irl with women here and there and usually I quickly understand that they're not interested in me, although, my main efforts have been on the dating apps. I have even had friends who have been very successful in these apps help me with selecting photos, etc. Any ideas what I can do or should I accept that I'll be alone forever?

Good evening,

I have been in similar situations to you in the past, where no matter how hard you swipe or for how long nothing ever seems to go your way. Don't let yourself be put down, friend. There will always be someone for you out there, and from the sounds of it dating apps just aren't the right way for you to find the one. Dating apps tend to be used by people who only care about looks, and even if some of the women on there do care about personality it's almost impossible to get anything interesting about yourself across online.
I found that going out and doing things you enjoy is a far better way of meeting women who care about you for who you are, not just what you look like. The downside to this, of course, is that you also have to be ready to give women who might not be your physical type a chance (something which I can't do because I only care about women's bodies in all honesty) but if you can bring yourself to do that more power to you.

Best of look out there, see you on the flip flop.

Howard

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