help! i have two boyfriends?
basically, i have been long distance dating this one guy i met online for almost two years. he is really sweet and we still have yet to meet up (hes american im british). but we had a lot of issues towards the end of the relationship including how he still was unemployed and just played video games all day and hung out on discord servers with people instead of improving his situation, he also had a terible sleep schedule which meant we only maybe talked an hour of each day at stupid times (1-3am) for me which i couldnt keep up with my work schedule.
then at work a few months ago, a new(ish) collegue began flirting with me and at first i didnt take it serious but he asked me on a date and we kissed. id just broken up with my "long distance" boyfriend a few days before the date as I realised it wasnt going anywhere. everytime i asked him to get a job and flirt with me more or have face calls more often he got frustrated with me. bear in mind we had been together two years and i was the only one saving money to meet.
so right now, i have been with my boyfriend from work for a month, he is sweet and we celebrated valentines together, and i do genuinely love him. but i still have feelings for the guy i met online and we had since spoken and he said he wants to get back with me and make things right (including visiting the UK one day).
What do i do?? my current bf is great but we dont have the same connection as this longer relationship yet obvously and i wish we hung out more (he works a lot more than me), but i dont want to break up because I cant fully trust my ex after how little he was willing to do for our relationship to work. and i feel weird still sort of having feelings for my ex and sometimes thinking what could have been if only it wasnt long distance. i hate this situation because i feel so so wrong for this even though i didnt cheat on either of them it still feels like my heart is guilty.
then at work a few months ago, a new(ish) collegue began flirting with me and at first i didnt take it serious but he asked me on a date and we kissed. id just broken up with my "long distance" boyfriend a few days before the date as I realised it wasnt going anywhere. everytime i asked him to get a job and flirt with me more or have face calls more often he got frustrated with me. bear in mind we had been together two years and i was the only one saving money to meet.
so right now, i have been with my boyfriend from work for a month, he is sweet and we celebrated valentines together, and i do genuinely love him. but i still have feelings for the guy i met online and we had since spoken and he said he wants to get back with me and make things right (including visiting the UK one day).
What do i do?? my current bf is great but we dont have the same connection as this longer relationship yet obvously and i wish we hung out more (he works a lot more than me), but i dont want to break up because I cant fully trust my ex after how little he was willing to do for our relationship to work. and i feel weird still sort of having feelings for my ex and sometimes thinking what could have been if only it wasnt long distance. i hate this situation because i feel so so wrong for this even though i didnt cheat on either of them it still feels like my heart is guilty.
Reply 1
You really haven't done anything wrong. You've been completely straight and open with both of them. Try and set your guilt down.
It's very normal and understandable to have lingering feelings for your ex, and in general, to have mixed feelings. There were reasons you two were together for two years; but keep in mind there were also reasons you broke up with him. From experience, it's extremely unlikely your ex is going to change in the near future. Overwhelmingly likely you'd just continue to find things unfulfilling with him. You don't owe him anything - do what's right for you.
It's very normal and understandable to have lingering feelings for your ex, and in general, to have mixed feelings. There were reasons you two were together for two years; but keep in mind there were also reasons you broke up with him. From experience, it's extremely unlikely your ex is going to change in the near future. Overwhelmingly likely you'd just continue to find things unfulfilling with him. You don't owe him anything - do what's right for you.
Reply 2
when you spend more time with your bf from work, it is inevitable that your connection will deepen over this time, as it did for your ex. even if his hours are long, i imagine that over a few months you will have been able to go out and do things together and so the course of time will slowly bring you closer together.
you will always have mixed feelings for your ex and as humans we like to think 'what couldve been' or 'what if' but it seems like your efforts for your ex werent reciprocated and if this dawned on you as you said it wasnt going anywhere then maybe this gut feeling was right, and a few days later you met someone who will possibly be more fulfilling for you and easier to be with as you celebrated valentines together, and he lives in the same country and even goes to the same work.
you will always have mixed feelings for your ex and as humans we like to think 'what couldve been' or 'what if' but it seems like your efforts for your ex werent reciprocated and if this dawned on you as you said it wasnt going anywhere then maybe this gut feeling was right, and a few days later you met someone who will possibly be more fulfilling for you and easier to be with as you celebrated valentines together, and he lives in the same country and even goes to the same work.
The online relationship would just remain an online relationship, if it can even be called that. The relationship with the guy you work with actually has the potential to be something. Up to you which of those you prefer and only you can decide - different people have different needs.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
basically, i have been long distance dating this one guy i met online for almost two years. he is really sweet and we still have yet to meet up (hes american im british). but we had a lot of issues towards the end of the relationship including how he still was unemployed and just played video games all day and hung out on discord servers with people instead of improving his situation, he also had a terible sleep schedule which meant we only maybe talked an hour of each day at stupid times (1-3am) for me which i couldnt keep up with my work schedule.
then at work a few months ago, a new(ish) collegue began flirting with me and at first i didnt take it serious but he asked me on a date and we kissed. id just broken up with my "long distance" boyfriend a few days before the date as I realised it wasnt going anywhere. everytime i asked him to get a job and flirt with me more or have face calls more often he got frustrated with me. bear in mind we had been together two years and i was the only one saving money to meet.
so right now, i have been with my boyfriend from work for a month, he is sweet and we celebrated valentines together, and i do genuinely love him. but i still have feelings for the guy i met online and we had since spoken and he said he wants to get back with me and make things right (including visiting the UK one day).
What do i do?? my current bf is great but we dont have the same connection as this longer relationship yet obvously and i wish we hung out more (he works a lot more than me), but i dont want to break up because I cant fully trust my ex after how little he was willing to do for our relationship to work. and i feel weird still sort of having feelings for my ex and sometimes thinking what could have been if only it wasnt long distance. i hate this situation because i feel so so wrong for this even though i didnt cheat on either of them it still feels like my heart is guilty.
then at work a few months ago, a new(ish) collegue began flirting with me and at first i didnt take it serious but he asked me on a date and we kissed. id just broken up with my "long distance" boyfriend a few days before the date as I realised it wasnt going anywhere. everytime i asked him to get a job and flirt with me more or have face calls more often he got frustrated with me. bear in mind we had been together two years and i was the only one saving money to meet.
so right now, i have been with my boyfriend from work for a month, he is sweet and we celebrated valentines together, and i do genuinely love him. but i still have feelings for the guy i met online and we had since spoken and he said he wants to get back with me and make things right (including visiting the UK one day).
What do i do?? my current bf is great but we dont have the same connection as this longer relationship yet obvously and i wish we hung out more (he works a lot more than me), but i dont want to break up because I cant fully trust my ex after how little he was willing to do for our relationship to work. and i feel weird still sort of having feelings for my ex and sometimes thinking what could have been if only it wasnt long distance. i hate this situation because i feel so so wrong for this even though i didnt cheat on either of them it still feels like my heart is guilty.
The thing with long distance relationships because of the anonymity component it's incredibly easy to make connections, and even easier to deepen them. Not only that, but it's very easy to find people with similar interests. You might feel like you're lacking this connection with your current IRL boyfriend, however, it's mostly just a matter of time. Relationships in real life tend to take a while.
It depends on how much time you're willing to invest. From what you've said, it doesn't seem like you have many good things to say about your ex, so personally I'd just move on.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Boyfriend Vs Best friend
- Do I have to follow a safeguarding plan?
- Boyfriend holiday help
- should i accept rent contributions from my partner
- Are You Supposed To Feel Stuff When Kissing Someone?
- pregnant in 5th year - help pls?
- Should I (20 M) break up with my boyfriend (20M) / are my new feelings genuine?
- Long distance relationship
- Will he ever forgive me?
- Frustrated with my wealthy (and unemployed) boyfriend!!
- Can i have a guy friend if i have a bf?
- Does it look strange when a girl is much taller than her boyfriend?
- Scared of losing her as a friend
- regret letting my boyfriend talk me into this
- do i swap unis to be with my boyfriend
- Boyfriend's birthday- am i wrong for feeling this way?
- My boyfriend thinks of other girls when we kiss
- Why does he act like a this, ruining dignity
- y does sex not feel nice
- The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II
Latest
Trending
Last reply 2 months ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 2 months ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 2 months ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
