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My brother is gay and I can't deal with it

I was looking around his discord which to be honest I shouldn't have, and found that he has a secret boyfriend, and is gay or bi idk which of it. I legit was light headed, I couldn't believe my own brother is gay. We had plans to live together, make our own business together, grow as individuals, but now he's gay. He will struggle to integrate with our family as we don't believe in homosexuality. I don't mind that he's bi, but I can't if he's fully gay. I will never disown my brother, but I can't live with the fact that he's gay.

He doesn't know I know nor knows I looked @ his messages, and I will keep it that way till he lets me know that he's gay, but I don't know how I am gonna handle the day because I can't live with that choice.

Reply 1

Ciel.

Original post by Anonymous

I was looking around his discord which to be honest I shouldn't have, and found that he has a secret boyfriend, and is gay or bi idk which of it. I legit was light headed, I couldn't believe my own brother is gay. We had plans to live together, make our own business together, grow as individuals, but now he's gay. He will struggle to integrate with our family as we don't believe in homosexuality. I don't mind that he's bi, but I can't if he's fully gay. I will never disown my brother, but I can't live with the fact that he's gay.
He doesn't know I know nor knows I looked @ his messages, and I will keep it that way till he lets me know that he's gay, but I don't know how I am gonna handle the day because I can't live with that choice.

you're joking right? how would being bi be any different if he's still into men?
besides you don't have to 'live with it'. it's got nothing to do with you, lol

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 2

s1ren

Original post by Anonymous

I was looking around his discord which to be honest I shouldn't have, and found that he has a secret boyfriend, and is gay or bi idk which of it. I legit was light headed, I couldn't believe my own brother is gay. We had plans to live together, make our own business together, grow as individuals, but now he's gay. He will struggle to integrate with our family as we don't believe in homosexuality. I don't mind that he's bi, but I can't if he's fully gay. I will never disown my brother, but I can't live with the fact that he's gay.
He doesn't know I know nor knows I looked @ his messages, and I will keep it that way till he lets me know that he's gay, but I don't know how I am gonna handle the day because I can't live with that choice.

Why is it a problem if he’s gay? I’m not trying to offend you, it’s just that I don’t get what the problem is. I guess it must be a shock finding this out and I get that, but you should support him, no? After all he is your brother.

I’m pretty sure you both can still start a business and live with each other even though he’s gay or bisexual, his sexuality won’t make a difference to these things.

Reply 3

black tea

How can you not believe in homosexuality when there are thousands of gay people in happy same sex relationships around the world, and there have been for hundreds, if not thousands, of years? It's not made up, people of the same gender can be attracted to each other...

Also, how does who your brother is attracted to affect whether or not you can live together and have a business together?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ciel.

you're joking right? how would being bi be any different if he's still into men?
besides you don't have to 'live with it'. it's got nothing to do with you, lol

Except it does - he is my younger brother and ive got 2 other siblings.

I don't want any backlash from the rest of the family when he comes out because from what im seeing he will tell me soon and I don't know how to react. I don't want this to diminish the relationship he has with the family.

At least if he's bi it means he likes women as well so its more manageable

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by s1ren

Why is it a problem if he’s gay? I’m not trying to offend you, it’s just that I don’t get what the problem is. I guess it must be a shock finding this out and I get that, but you should support him, no? After all he is your brother.
I’m pretty sure you both can still start a business and live with each other even though he’s gay or bisexual, his sexuality won’t make a difference to these things.

Thats the thing - I will never stop supporting him, but I know the path he's going down isn't going to bide well with the rest of the family, and I know how important family is. This is going to be difficult for him, and he doesn't know it.

Reply 6

Ciel.

Original post by Anonymous

Except it does - he is my younger brother and ive got 2 other siblings.
I don't want any backlash from the rest of the family when he comes out because from what im seeing he will tell me soon and I don't know how to react. I don't want this to diminish the relationship he has with the family.
At least if he's bi it means he likes women as well so its more manageable

he will be the one dealing with the backlash, not you. i know how ****ed up religions can be, because i was brought up in a religious family. it really sucks that you don't have the guts to support him because you believe in fairy tales.

Reply 7

Ciel.

Original post by Anonymous

oh, he definitely does know it, which is why he's keeping it a secret, lol. but you can't change your sexuality.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by black tea

How can you not believe in homosexuality when there are thousands of gay people in happy same sex relationships around the world, and there have been for hundreds, if not thousands, of years? It's not made up, people of the same gender can be attracted to each other...
Also, how does who your brother is attracted to affect whether or not you can live together and have a business together?

Respectfully I don't want to see him with other men. Or him with his boyfriend or something around my siblings. Its going to annoy me and the family and I don't want my brother to see that.

Also I am not here to debate about homosexuality, I have my reasons and I have came to that conclusion.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ciel.

Whether you believe its fairy tales or not, its still our culture.

I could argue the same about homosexuality being "intrinsic" but im not here for this. I am trying to find ways to help my brother navigate through this.

Reply 10

Ciel.

Original post by Anonymous

Whether you believe its fairy tales or not, its still our culture.
I could argue the same about homosexuality being "intrinsic" but im not here for this. I am trying to find ways to help my brother navigate through this.

the only way you can actually help him is by supporting him when/if he comes out. but that will involve going against your family.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I was looking around his discord which to be honest I shouldn't have, and found that he has a secret boyfriend, and is gay or bi idk which of it. I legit was light headed, I couldn't believe my own brother is gay. We had plans to live together, make our own business together, grow as individuals, but now he's gay. He will struggle to integrate with our family as we don't believe in homosexuality. I don't mind that he's bi, but I can't if he's fully gay. I will never disown my brother, but I can't live with the fact that he's gay.
He doesn't know I know nor knows I looked @ his messages, and I will keep it that way till he lets me know that he's gay, but I don't know how I am gonna handle the day because I can't live with that choice.

I'm a lesbian and there's no difference between me and straight women other than that I like women not men. Same for your brother and straight men. This makes no difference to your plans whatsoever.

Not believing in homosexuality is not going to make it go away. It's been documented since Roman times. Fewer people like those of the same sex but it's still just as innate as you being straight.

It's not a choice to be gay. Some people just are that way. I was brought up evangelical Christian and prayed for years that I'd like men and not women. Wanted it more than anything in my life at the time. Sobbed about it regularly. Didn't work. Tried dating men. Didn't work because, spoiler, I'm a lesbian through and through. Are you "choosing" to be straight? I'm guessing not. There's no element of choice. If there had been, I would be a straight woman in a relationship with a man right now.

Don't start on the religious stuff about "choosing to be celibate" — trying to get human beings to spend an entire life by themselves without romantic / sexual input because of your opinion on who they want to bang is cruel.

If you care about your brother, support him on this. There's nothing wrong with being gay.

Reply 12

black tea

Original post by Anonymous

Respectfully I don't want to see him with other men. Or him with his boyfriend or something around my siblings. Its going to annoy me and the family and I don't want my brother to see that.
Also I am not here to debate about homosexuality, I have my reasons and I have came to that conclusion.

You don't have to watch him with other men.

Original post by Anonymous

Whether you believe its fairy tales or not, its still our culture.
I could argue the same about homosexuality being "intrinsic" but im not here for this. I am trying to find ways to help my brother navigate through this.

If you want to help your brother, accept him for who he is. He is still the same person he was a week ago. If he wants to share this with your family, support him. If he wants to keep this a secret, again, support him. I'm sure he understands the implications of having a same sex relationship in his circumstances and the only thing you can do is make life easier for him by not being yet another person who judges and rejects him. Stop making this about you.