scared to lose friendship, general advice needed!

so im in y11 and for y12 most people are staying at our school but one of my closest friends - the guy i think im in love with - is leaving for another school.
weve had our share of highs and very low lows but i care so deeply for him and im scared to experience school without him. seeing him every day for the last 4 years was a constant and im going to miss him very much.
the thing is, i would love to continue talking to him after y11 but an issue with him is that he tries really hard to be unbothered and has told me things during our arguments such as 'this is one-sided' and 'you have no value to me' and even cut me off for about 6 months one time, while also being really flirty and intimate with me at other times. for this reason, i would feel stupid trying to keep in touch with him because i pretty much predict he wont text or call or ask to catch up without me prompting him, despite everything weve been through together.
we were never together but we were kind of together at the same time, so ive never really told him how much ive liked him for the whole time ive known him and i feel too scared to tell him that im going to miss him very much because online ive seen people saying that its embarassing to just let all your feelings out to people who dont care (although idk if he actually doesnt care or if he feels more independent at times and doesnt want to talk 24/7 unlike me who would love to text him all the time)
i know exam season and end of school is still a few months away and idk whats gonna happen during that time but im still worried and i just want him to care!!!
(also just a side note im scared for prom because he asked me if im going with anyone and i jokigly said one of my friends who is a girl and i asked him and he said one of his mates as a joke but now i dont actually know who hes going with and im worried that hes going with this girl who is also friends with him and who likes to spread rumours that i 'stole him' from her :/ )

so im in y11 and for y12 most people are staying at our school but one of my closest friends - the guy i think im in love with - is leaving for another school.
weve had our share of highs and very low lows but i care so deeply for him and im scared to experience school without him. seeing him every day for the last 4 years was a constant and im going to miss him very much.
the thing is, i would love to continue talking to him after y11 but an issue with him is that he tries really hard to be unbothered and has told me things during our arguments such as 'this is one-sided' and 'you have no value to me' and even cut me off for about 6 months one time, while also being really flirty and intimate with me at other times. for this reason, i would feel stupid trying to keep in touch with him because i pretty much predict he wont text or call or ask to catch up without me prompting him, despite everything weve been through together.
we were never together but we were kind of together at the same time, so ive never really told him how much ive liked him for the whole time ive known him and i feel too scared to tell him that im going to miss him very much because online ive seen people saying that its embarassing to just let all your feelings out to people who dont care (although idk if he actually doesnt care or if he feels more independent at times and doesnt want to talk 24/7 unlike me who would love to text him all the time)
i know exam season and end of school is still a few months away and idk whats gonna happen during that time but im still worried and i just want him to care!!!
(also just a side note im scared for prom because he asked me if im going with anyone and i jokigly said one of my friends who is a girl and i asked him and he said one of his mates as a joke but now i dont actually know who hes going with and im worried that hes going with this girl who is also friends with him and who likes to spread rumours that i 'stole him' from her :/ )

Hi, I was in a very similar situation last year when I was leaving from year 11 to go to year 12 I also thought that I was in love with a guy and we never dated but we had the deepest connection I felt with anyone before and this continued throughout the whole of my Secondary school years but I could never gather how he felt as I would get a lot of mixed signals sometimes we would have these moments where it felt like only we mattered to one another and other times it was as if I was just another person to him and I may have friend zoned him subconsciously a few times out of a fear of rejection and ruining what we had. We were close from about Year 6 to about year 9 but then he left school for a year and I thought he wasn't going to come back and it ripped my heart out but we were never as close on the level where I could text and ask where he was. Then in Year 11 he came back and it turned out he was getting home schooled the past year (I was semi over him at this point) . We no longer shared classes and we were now on an "are you alright" sort of basis the whole year. I prayed for the chance at just one more conversation with him but I never really got it. He never turned up to prom or anything but on our last day I once again saw him in passing after a while when I was about to go home after our final exam. For the last time he asked me "are you alright" but this time I noticed he wanted to say something more, so that day when I got home I messaged him good luck with everything to which he also wished me good luck back. But since we had that momentum going I messaged him with "Thank you for being a good friend to me all these years it meant a lot" although I may have felt more at the time we were no longer on that level where I could full on confess what I felt. His response though told me everything I needed to know he responded "Honestly don't worry about it" That day I got the closure I needed I realised that our connection didn't mean as much for him as it did for me but I was content with that.
Sorry about the rant but to answer your question.
I've been there and I know it sort of feels like you're losing the love of your life and you need to do something that will give you that closure or you'll spend the rest of your life wondering whether you should have done more. What I learnt from all that is that true love shouldn't be draining or give you mixed signals and the freedom I got from that closure was amazing you really understand how that sort of situation is draining when you get out of it
This is not to say that you should him off or anything but outside of the rare highs that the person makes you feel think about what effect spending your time analysing every single interactions have on you because trust me carrying that weight with you so close to your gcses is not so good either I wouldn't have done nearly as well as I did in my exams if he had been as close to me.
I would say priorities yourself first if he truly cares he will come back because what is meant to be will be. If you need some sort of confession to get closure or get clarity do it you will be starting year 12 which is a new start you can't worry about the people around you as they won't even be a keen part of your life
I'm in year 12 now, I haven't found anyone like him but honestly I am now happier then ever and I live with the gratitude with having had him in my life and the realisation that it's ok to outgrow people change is necessary.
What ever you decide I wish you luck and hope I could help!

ouch okay sounds like a kinda messy situation
im not the best at advice but one thing I can say is try not to do anything before exams. I can tell he means a lot to you and for something to go like stupidly wrong and he openly rejects you or something you'd probably be really upset about it, and that definitely takes a toll on how much you can revise and focus during exam season
(trust me from experience don't mess with relationships during exams, i really struggled to revise over christmas for my mocks because of a recent breakup)
ik it seems like a really big thing now, but the bigger thing tbf is GCSEs. (annoying yes sorry I sound like a parent but I promise im just trying to help you)
honestly just see how prom goes. it's like a definite decider, if he really likes you he'd ask you, and if he doesn't maybe take that as a thing that you guys just aren't that meant to be together, and that's okay too.
ik things like this suck, hope you get through it okay

Thank you so so much! You're definitely right in saying that prom will be the decider although we're both religious and odds are he won't ask and my parents already told me im not allowed to go with a boy. I guess the fact that he hasn't messaged me in a week since I haven't messaged him is also pretty telling... anyways thank you so much for reminding me of the importance of gcses i get so blinded by this situation sometimes

so im in y11 and for y12 most people are staying at our school but one of my closest friends - the guy i think im in love with - is leaving for another school.
weve had our share of highs and very low lows but i care so deeply for him and im scared to experience school without him. seeing him every day for the last 4 years was a constant and im going to miss him very much.
the thing is, i would love to continue talking to him after y11 but an issue with him is that he tries really hard to be unbothered and has told me things during our arguments such as 'this is one-sided' and 'you have no value to me' and even cut me off for about 6 months one time, while also being really flirty and intimate with me at other times. for this reason, i would feel stupid trying to keep in touch with him because i pretty much predict he wont text or call or ask to catch up without me prompting him, despite everything weve been through together.
we were never together but we were kind of together at the same time, so ive never really told him how much ive liked him for the whole time ive known him and i feel too scared to tell him that im going to miss him very much because online ive seen people saying that its embarassing to just let all your feelings out to people who dont care (although idk if he actually doesnt care or if he feels more independent at times and doesnt want to talk 24/7 unlike me who would love to text him all the time)
i know exam season and end of school is still a few months away and idk whats gonna happen during that time but im still worried and i just want him to care!!!
(also just a side note im scared for prom because he asked me if im going with anyone and i jokigly said one of my friends who is a girl and i asked him and he said one of his mates as a joke but now i dont actually know who hes going with and im worried that hes going with this girl who is also friends with him and who likes to spread rumours that i 'stole him' from her :/ )

Is he just trying to be nonchalant or smthg cuz looks like yll r really close but his tryna keep a distance for whatever reason.
Tbh its ur choice if his really worth the effort, as u said he wont really try much after school ends to be friends which can be exhausting.
Also u said u love him, do u think he actually like has feelings for u (besides the flirting), like has there been times where his shown signs of jealousy or anything like that. If u think theres a chance of y’ll being a thing for real then be sure to tell him when its close to school ending!! All the best, and deffo let me know how it goes😝😝

so im in y11 and for y12 most people are staying at our school but one of my closest friends - the guy i think im in love with - is leaving for another school.
weve had our share of highs and very low lows but i care so deeply for him and im scared to experience school without him. seeing him every day for the last 4 years was a constant and im going to miss him very much.
the thing is, i would love to continue talking to him after y11 but an issue with him is that he tries really hard to be unbothered and has told me things during our arguments such as 'this is one-sided' and 'you have no value to me' and even cut me off for about 6 months one time, while also being really flirty and intimate with me at other times. for this reason, i would feel stupid trying to keep in touch with him because i pretty much predict he wont text or call or ask to catch up without me prompting him, despite everything weve been through together.
we were never together but we were kind of together at the same time, so ive never really told him how much ive liked him for the whole time ive known him and i feel too scared to tell him that im going to miss him very much because online ive seen people saying that its embarassing to just let all your feelings out to people who dont care (although idk if he actually doesnt care or if he feels more independent at times and doesnt want to talk 24/7 unlike me who would love to text him all the time)
i know exam season and end of school is still a few months away and idk whats gonna happen during that time but im still worried and i just want him to care!!!
(also just a side note im scared for prom because he asked me if im going with anyone and i jokigly said one of my friends who is a girl and i asked him and he said one of his mates as a joke but now i dont actually know who hes going with and im worried that hes going with this girl who is also friends with him and who likes to spread rumours that i 'stole him' from her :/ )