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i thought i was lesbian but i have a crush on a guy

when i was 14 i realised i liked girls and called myself bi, but within a year i realised i actually don't think i like men at all, and identified as a lesbian. i went to a girls school and didn't really know anyone my age outside of school so i basically never spoke to guys until i started uni in October. i'm very socially awkward and struggled to interact with guys, so at first i couldn't tell if i was just unsure how i felt around them or if i had suddenly become interested in guys. there were some guys i've met and i've thought about them a lot and wondered if i like them but id get over it after like... a week. except one guy and i think i have a crush on him?? and have for the last few months. idk if im just misunderstanding my feelings or unconsciously trying to fit in with girls around me but im so confused.

i know theres no urgency to define my sexuality and i should just let time pass and see what happens but i cant stop thinking about this confusing feeling and want to know if anyone else has felt like this before... btw i definitely like girls so right now im unsure if im lesbian or bi

Reply 1

anosmianAcrimony

It's very normal to be uncertain about your sexuality - you are definitely not the first! You might well be bi but you're absolutely right, there's no rush to figure it out for sure. It sounds like you're doing the right thing in thinking about your feelings.

I'm a guy and at your age I was in a somewhat similar situation - I definitely liked girls but there were also guys I had very confusing feelings about. These days I'm clear that I'm bi.

Reply 2

IamSpiderLily

Original post by Anonymous

when i was 14 i realised i liked girls and called myself bi, but within a year i realised i actually don't think i like men at all, and identified as a lesbian. i went to a girls school and didn't really know anyone my age outside of school so i basically never spoke to guys until i started uni in October. i'm very socially awkward and struggled to interact with guys, so at first i couldn't tell if i was just unsure how i felt around them or if i had suddenly become interested in guys. there were some guys i've met and i've thought about them a lot and wondered if i like them but id get over it after like... a week. except one guy and i think i have a crush on him?? and have for the last few months. idk if im just misunderstanding my feelings or unconsciously trying to fit in with girls around me but im so confused.
i know theres no urgency to define my sexuality and i should just let time pass and see what happens but i cant stop thinking about this confusing feeling and want to know if anyone else has felt like this before... btw i definitely like girls so right now im unsure if im lesbian or bi

As a guy who is bi but has a big female skew I get this. It's OK to be confused about it. Maybe you are bi but have a specific taste and/or gender skew. Maybe you're pan. Maybe you are lesbian and just subconsciously trying to fit in. To be honest, imo the best solution is just to ask him out on a date. Be relatively honest and don't promise any continuations, but say something along the lines of "I think I kind of like you, can we go out on a date or two?" but in a better way than I've worded it. Hopefully the feeling you get from going on a date with him will sort out your issues. If you don't want to actually go on a date with him for other reasons, try envisaging dating the guy. See where that gets you, but if you are only thinking about this dude bc your subconsciousness is wanting you to fit in, then this may yield poorer results.

Also, it's ok to change how you identify at any point in time, with the discovery of new information!

TLDR: Try going out on a date with him and see your gut reaction. Or just envisage it, but results may be worse.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Im bi too but lean more towards the girl area so i get what you're feeling - i also have a crush on a guy right now 😂

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Original post by IamSpiderLily

As a guy who is bi but has a big female skew I get this. It's OK to be confused about it. Maybe you are bi but have a specific taste and/or gender skew. Maybe you're pan. Maybe you are lesbian and just subconsciously trying to fit in. To be honest, imo the best solution is just to ask him out on a date. Be relatively honest and don't promise any continuations, but say something along the lines of "I think I kind of like you, can we go out on a date or two?" but in a better way than I've worded it. Hopefully the feeling you get from going on a date with him will sort out your issues. If you don't want to actually go on a date with him for other reasons, try envisaging dating the guy. See where that gets you, but if you are only thinking about this dude bc your subconsciousness is wanting you to fit in, then this may yield poorer results.
Also, it's ok to change how you identify at any point in time, with the discovery of new information!
TLDR: Try going out on a date with him and see your gut reaction. Or just envisage it, but results may be worse.

Lead a guy on to test your sexuality? Is this really a good way to go about things?

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Lead a guy on to test your sexuality? Is this really a good way to go about things?

OP clearly has some sorta feelings for the guy so if she went out with him and then thought nah im deffo into girls, it's rly no different than going on a normal date and saying ur date stinks

Reply 6

IamSpiderLily

Original post by Anonymous

Lead a guy on to test your sexuality? Is this really a good way to go about things?

If that's what you got from my response then that reflects much more on you than me. OP has stated that they do in fact feel some kind of way that could be romantic about this guy, and seems genuinely interested. Leading him on would imply that OP knows that they don't like the guy but still tries to date him anyway for the fun of it. I am suggesting that OP make their intentions clear and to not promise anything beyond a couple dates.

Reply 7

Hardest Job

Original post by Anonymous

when i was 14 i realised i liked girls and called myself bi, but within a year i realised i actually don't think i like men at all, and identified as a lesbian. i went to a girls school and didn't really know anyone my age outside of school so i basically never spoke to guys until i started uni in October. i'm very socially awkward and struggled to interact with guys, so at first i couldn't tell if i was just unsure how i felt around them or if i had suddenly become interested in guys. there were some guys i've met and i've thought about them a lot and wondered if i like them but id get over it after like... a week. except one guy and i think i have a crush on him?? and have for the last few months. idk if im just misunderstanding my feelings or unconsciously trying to fit in with girls around me but im so confused.
i know theres no urgency to define my sexuality and i should just let time pass and see what happens but i cant stop thinking about this confusing feeling and want to know if anyone else has felt like this before... btw i definitely like girls so right now im unsure if im lesbian or bi