my boyfriend is brainwashed/never on my side

if he's dismissing your feelings and simply blaming it on your mental health...he's not right for you. you should move on and with time, you will find someone who will listen, understand, validate your feelings and just be there for you. staying with your current bf wont help the way you are currently feeling and you don't need nor deserve that kind of energy. and life will never be how u dream of, its a fact. and your right, drugs wont fix that, if anything it destroys it more. and you know that, so do whats best for you, its you against the world and you have to live for yourself not others, so screw what ur bf thinks or acts. he is in the wrong and doesnt understand what its like for you.

I think you should break up with him, he sounds very toxic and nasty

Wtf did i just read

i tried to talk to him about how i feel about my life last night - and as always, 0 actual support, same story. he just blames my 'mental health' for everything and wants me to try going back on medication again, which i have no intention of doing. i'm literally still trying to get my the clinic i used to be a patient at to delete all my data because they are ******* leeches - thousands down the drain - and my doctor was a fraud – and he just ignores it instead of supporting me and helping me. it's insane, he's acting like i'm in the wrong.

my life doesn't feel not worth living because of nonexistent mh issues. it feels like it isn't worth living because it's ******* not. it's a fact. it's a boring, pointless existence, like an animal's life. it's nothing like what i dreamt of. and that's not something that can ever be fixed with drugs. why is he being so stupid and brainwashed by them?
how can i make him understand this? should i even bother? or is this his way of saying that he just doesn't care what i do anymore?

Have you considered that him being concerned for your mental health and the fact you're no longer taking your medication may be legitimate, and the fact you believe as a result that he is "brainwashed" and that your doctor is a "fraud" might be a sign that you are not having a rational response to the situation, and that may in fact be due to your mental health condition(s), exacerbated by not taking your medication?

no. and that's because i don't have any mental health conditions. all my problems started after going through trauma in my late teens. now, combine that with extreme dissatisfaction with life, constant stress, and too many broken ambitions, and there you have it. but hey, it's so much more convenient and profitable to put a label on unhappiness. do you know how much that prick charged for every single visit, only for me to never feel any better?

things were never better. it was all an illusion. the reason my boyfriend pretends otherwise is because when you're emotionally dead from all that crap they encourage you to take, you just don't really express how unhappy you are anymore. you don't 'act out.' that's more convenient than facing reality.

You said "things were never better" but also "it was...an illusion". That does suggest logically there was a difference when you were undergoing treatment...which suggests that there may well be something that was being treated...?

the difference was - i was so drugged up, i felt calm and sleepy 24/7, and i mistook that for being content with my current life. but that wasn’t real. i wasn’t even me anymore. all my creativity, my personality,etc. they were just gone. who would want that? i'd rather live an authentic life, even if it’s messy... but i guess that's inconvenient for him. he will never admit it, but he ******* liked it. he liked me docile, numb, and ******* easy. he can't handle the real me i guess.

But is yourself plagued with mental illness actually the "real" you? Or is the real you someone else from before that affected you?
Equally, while you claim you had no creativity or personality before, even just recently you have been saying how you haven't been able to produce work you want to creatively. So are you actually in a better position now, especially considering potential drawbacks of not following your medication regimen?

there's no mental illness. i was misdiagnosed. the only real me is the current messed-up me, unfortunately. i'm not getting back the ambitious, trauma-free teenage me - no drug can do that. and sure that kinda sucks, but at least i'm still the authentic version of myself.
when my mood gets a little better, i'll be able to work on my art again, just having a rough week.

There are treatments that are not pharmacological you know...

do you mean therapy? i tried it, but it wasn't for me. besides, my "doctor" aka the fraud kind of discouraged me from trying again by saying crap like, "it's your decision but therapy alone will not help" and "it's not something you can just willpower through". so why would i bother.

i get that you don't believe me, but trust me, he misdiagnosed me on purpose - to make me seem unreliable and turn my boyfriend against me. and now he won't even delete my personal medical records. the only reason i stuck with him for so long is because he'd also prescribe me benzos whenever i asked, but now i can easily get that elsewhere... in hindsight, a lot of his actions should've been a red flag, and now my medical history is forever ******* stained.

We've already established the practice won't delete your medical records because they're legally required to keep them. That is not a conspiracy against you - that is the law which is the same for all patients.
I also very much doubt your doctor has any specific reason to want to "turn your boyfriend against you". Looking at this objectively, if someone stranger said their doctor was trying to turn their partner/family/loved ones "against them", would you think that was a rational statement? Consider if you would think the same particularly if said doctor was e.g. a surgeon or a gastroenterologist or something.
Also advising that "you can't willpower through it" is not the same as saying "therapy doesn't work". Likewise indicating that therapy alone is less effective (or ineffective) doesn't imply that it's not effective when combined with pharmacological treatment (and I believe it's actually widely recognised for a lot of mental health conditions a combination of therapy with medication is more effective than either alone for long term improvement).
Reflecting on things objectively, do you think that your belief that your doctor has a specific design against you, involving your boyfriend, ignoring all their other patients, is a realistic or rational one?

i don't think anyone is right for me at this point. so sick of all this ****.

Don’t give up I hate seeing somone so pretty cry over a guy who looks like he negotiated his way onto earth.

i tried to talk to him about how i feel about my life last night - and as always, 0 actual support, same story. he just blames my 'mental health' for everything and wants me to try going back on medication again, which i have no intention of doing. i'm literally still trying to get my the clinic i used to be a patient at to delete all my data because they are ******* leeches - thousands down the drain - and my doctor was a fraud – and he just ignores it instead of supporting me and helping me. it's insane, he's acting like i'm in the wrong.
my life doesn't feel not worth living because of nonexistent mh issues. it feels like it isn't worth living because it's ******* not. it's a fact. it's a boring, pointless existence, like an animal's life. it's nothing like what i dreamt of. and that's not something that can ever be fixed with drugs. why is he being so stupid and brainwashed by them?
how can i make him understand this? should i even bother? or is this his way of saying that he just doesn't care what i do anymore?

Something similar happened to me. I used to serve in the army and when my service came to an end, I struggled to adjust to civilian life. However, when an old friend of mine who I served with came to visit me, we quickly became friends again and I was back to my old self. Then, disaster struck. One day, we decided to partake in some tomfoolery and he ended up crashing my car through the front door of my neighbour's house. While I fought for my life in the passenger seat, he got up and ran away, and then I woke up in the hospital with the police questioning me. I tried to tell them that I wasn't the one driving and they showed me CCTV footage of me in the drivers seat, crashing into his front door. And then I remembered my "friend" had been dead for 14 years and he was just in my head. I feel like I have been brainwashed and can therefore relate to what you are saying. Hope this helps.
Thanks,
Samir