I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I just decided to block this guy I'd been talking to for 3 months. He’s American and I’m British, so it was frustrating for me and i was worried that it would be unhealthy. I’m really shy in person and I just started university in September last year, but I’ve not made any friends at all, people may want to be my friend but I have absolutely no social skills and once they realise that they obviously pull away (I don’t blame them). When I would talk to my guy, I finally felt like I had a friend/boyfriend, he would make me feel so much more confident and happy but we actually met on twitter. I’m black and he’s white and we met when talking about r*carplay stuff. I just want to say I have really low self esteem and I deleted my twitter account because I’m trying my best to be happier and more confident, but he thought I’d still like it whenever he would degrade me and stuff but I’m trying to get rid of that side of me. I told him about that and he respected it but I kinda thought in my head that he probably doesn’t respect me tbh. Once we stopped talked about sexual things altogether I realised how it’s only me who ever messages him because he actually has a life and friends and family etc that he does things with whereas I’m in my rooms all day just waiting for him to reply and without the sexual aspect, he was obviously more uninterested. One thing that made me really sad was that we started calling a few weeks ago but now I don’t think he even cares about that so I blocked him and now i can’t stop crying. It sounds dramatic but he was genuinely the last thing I had to live for which, in a sense is why i felt like I had to block him to force myself to make real friends. But it’s only made me feel worse and I have work to do that I can’t focus on, I really feel like I have nothing holding me back from just doing it and kms I have absolutely no way to contact him either, I hate that I did that. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do, we spoke about a lot like his own mum dying and many other things and I can’t believe I just did that.
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Original post by Anonymous
I just decided to block this guy I'd been talking to for 3 months. He’s American and I’m British, so it was frustrating for me and i was worried that it would be unhealthy. I’m really shy in person and I just started university in September last year, but I’ve not made any friends at all, people may want to be my friend but I have absolutely no social skills and once they realise that they obviously pull away (I don’t blame them). When I would talk to my guy, I finally felt like I had a friend/boyfriend, he would make me feel so much more confident and happy but we actually met on twitter. I’m black and he’s white and we met when talking about r*carplay stuff. I just want to say I have really low self esteem and I deleted my twitter account because I’m trying my best to be happier and more confident, but he thought I’d still like it whenever he would degrade me and stuff but I’m trying to get rid of that side of me. I told him about that and he respected it but I kinda thought in my head that he probably doesn’t respect me tbh. Once we stopped talked about sexual things altogether I realised how it’s only me who ever messages him because he actually has a life and friends and family etc that he does things with whereas I’m in my rooms all day just waiting for him to reply and without the sexual aspect, he was obviously more uninterested. One thing that made me really sad was that we started calling a few weeks ago but now I don’t think he even cares about that so I blocked him and now i can’t stop crying. It sounds dramatic but he was genuinely the last thing I had to live for which, in a sense is why i felt like I had to block him to force myself to make real friends. But it’s only made me feel worse and I have work to do that I can’t focus on, I really feel like I have nothing holding me back from just doing it and kms I have absolutely no way to contact him either, I hate that I did that. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do, we spoke about a lot like his own mum dying and many other things and I can’t believe I just did that.
Your situation is tough but fixable. You need to try to get friends at uni. Look to join clubs or societies that you are interested in. Also consider getting a bf here than your American buddy. Good luck
Original post by Anonymous
I just decided to block this guy I'd been talking to for 3 months. He’s American and I’m British, so it was frustrating for me and i was worried that it would be unhealthy. I’m really shy in person and I just started university in September last year, but I’ve not made any friends at all, people may want to be my friend but I have absolutely no social skills and once they realise that they obviously pull away (I don’t blame them). When I would talk to my guy, I finally felt like I had a friend/boyfriend, he would make me feel so much more confident and happy but we actually met on twitter. I’m black and he’s white and we met when talking about r*carplay stuff. I just want to say I have really low self esteem and I deleted my twitter account because I’m trying my best to be happier and more confident, but he thought I’d still like it whenever he would degrade me and stuff but I’m trying to get rid of that side of me. I told him about that and he respected it but I kinda thought in my head that he probably doesn’t respect me tbh. Once we stopped talked about sexual things altogether I realised how it’s only me who ever messages him because he actually has a life and friends and family etc that he does things with whereas I’m in my rooms all day just waiting for him to reply and without the sexual aspect, he was obviously more uninterested. One thing that made me really sad was that we started calling a few weeks ago but now I don’t think he even cares about that so I blocked him and now i can’t stop crying. It sounds dramatic but he was genuinely the last thing I had to live for which, in a sense is why i felt like I had to block him to force myself to make real friends. But it’s only made me feel worse and I have work to do that I can’t focus on, I really feel like I have nothing holding me back from just doing it and kms I have absolutely no way to contact him either, I hate that I did that. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do, we spoke about a lot like his own mum dying and many other things and I can’t believe I just did that.
It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken right now, and I want to acknowledge that your feelings are completely valid. Losing someone you were emotionally attached to, especially when they felt like your only connection can be incredibly painful.
First, you are not alone in this, even though it feels like it. Right now, your mind is probably making you feel like you’ve lost everything, but that’s not true. You made a brave decision to put yourself first, even though it hurts. You deserve real, meaningful connections that make you feel valued without conditions—not just when there’s a sexual aspect.
I know it feels like he was your last reason to keep going, but you have so much more to live for than just one person. You’re at university!!! There’s still a whole life ahead of you filled with people who will genuinely care for you and want to be around you, not just when it’s convenient for them.
Right now, you need support, not isolation. I strongly encourage you to talk to someone—a close friend, family member, or even a university counselor. If you ever feel like you're in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a crisis service.
Also, be gentle with yourself. This is painful, but you will get through it. Give yourself permission to grieve, but also remind yourself why you blocked him: to create space for real, healthy friendships. That will take time, but it’s possible. If you need to, write down your reasons for blocking him and reread them when you feel tempted to regret it.
You’re stronger than you think. And even though you feel alone now, you won’t always be. Please, don’t go through this alone—reach out to someone who can help you through this moment.
There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first, don't feel guilty
Warm hugs x
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