Favourite Peep Show quotes? Watch

Crunchy Nutty
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#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
C'mon then.
Favourite Peep Show quotes?!

"I would literally stab a baby to do it!"

"Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality!"

"I'm a mother****er, that's literally what I am"
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fallen angel9
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#2
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"Jesus Jeremy, The bin in for household waste not the rotting carcass of a beloved family pet!". Series 4 after Jez kills "Mummy".

Jez: And you've got weird nuts.

Mark: What?! How did you....

Jez: If you're going to watch T.V. in your dressing gown, you may want to put some pants on.


Muggers: Give us your phone give us your wallet!
Come on! before we ****** do you!!
Mark: Do me? are they gonna rape me? or kill me?
if they rape and kill me i hope they kill me first, i sort of win.

Lol hopefully geting the season 1-5 boxset for Christmas
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Candypants.
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#3
"I'm doing excellent shopping"

"I am the lord of the bus said he!"

and oh so many more...hehe
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Lamasamaka
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#4
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#4
Ah I love Peep Show. I have some in my quotations list. Here are the ones I can be bothered to find:


Mark: "Jeremy, there are many things I would do to help you, but digging a hole in the wintery earth with my bare hands so that you can bury the corpse of a dog you killed is not one of them"

Girl at bar: "Can I have a metre of vodka with an inch of tonic.."
Mark: "Oh, naughty, you've combined metric and imperial..you might get an interdenominational hangover that way"

Mark: "This is the last friendship I have that’s not backed up by enforceable legal documents"

Mark: "That’s where society's headed: people ******** in bags and throwing them out the window"

Jez: "If I don't think about it, there's always a chance it didn't happen"

Jez: "Here’s some flowers, they'll very soon die, but then again everything does in good time"

Jez: "This isn’t wrong, its just illegal, like drink driving"

Jez: "Oh yes justice is done...well not justice, but what I wanted to happen, which is basically the same thing"
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DisgruntledMoth
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#5
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#5
My friend gave me Series One for Christmas. I think I may watch some now.

*Dances.*
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Monkey_Maiden
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#6
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#6
I'm getting the box set series 1-5 for christmas yay
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EmzaHarvey
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#7
Report 9 years ago
#7
Mark: "Oh, you were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon."
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Guy Secretan
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#8
Report 9 years ago
#8
we sit around eating ben and jerry's and playing on the playstation that's how people make their money
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Orwell
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#9
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#9
Super Hans: The Twins, the ******* twins . . .

Classic.
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gingerrama
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#10
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#10
"Tell you what, that crack is really more-ish."

"It's payback time. And she's going to pay back... in fear dollars!"
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ormaybeitsjustnarcissism
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#11
Report 9 years ago
#11
'Crack, Super Hans?!'
'OK guys, you've all had your fun with the sectioning. There will be no more sectioning today'
'This is good, this is just like watching a porn film, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard on, and I want to cry... '

The whole scene where they get the pub and Super Hans doesn't want to change a thing and wants to leave the washing machine there to 'mess with their heads' and then tries to call the pub 'Free The Paedos' :rofl:
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concubine
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#12
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#12
This is great, this is just like watching a porn film, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard on, and I want to cry...
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Sam...
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#13
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#13
Jez picks up bottle of olive oil

Mark: Oh no.. no. mate, this stuff's 78 pence per 100 ml.

Jez: "Well yeah. I mean it's 1st pressing. Or do you wanna wait till everyone else has had their fun with the olives.. 4th pressing! Yeah.. like that's going to be a party in your mouth.. I don't think!"
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Leard
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#14
Report 8 years ago
#14
"Why toast when you can roast."
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Blueflare
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#15
Report 8 years ago
#15
Mark:
"Could I be happy, living in a cottage in the country with my wife and baby? The Sunday Times is so thick I wouldn't have to talk to anyone at all on Sunday, work Monday to Friday... if only I could work out Saturday this might just work."
"Money can't buy you love, but owning a furnished flat can get you a reasonable simulation."
"People like Coldplay and voting for the Nazis, you can't trust people."
Jeremy: "The Beatie Boys fought, and quite possible died, for my right to party."

:rofl: I love Peep Show!

I wish I could think of more awesome Jez quotes and exchanges between the two, but can't off the top of my head.
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cfc1992
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#16
Report 8 years ago
#16
what were super hans words when they were recording that song for a advert and the cleaner guy was going on his break?
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jonny__
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#17
Report 8 years ago
#17
Okay then, see you later... baby.
(UGH, 'baby'... Not to self RE: being the Fonz. Mark, you are not the Fonz.)

Mark: He's boring? Why, because he doesn't go round with a "haircut" and an iPod and a... strap-on?!
Jeremy: A strap-on?
Mark: It's an example.
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Orwell
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#18
Report 7 years ago
#18
Mark : So, have you got kids?
Foz: Not yet. Why?
Mark: Oh, no reason. I mean, I love kids. Not in a bad way, in a nice way. I mean, I'm not on the Child Protection Register... yet. Which proves I'm not a paedo! [This is going horribly. Need a joke.] Either that or I'm an incredibly hard-to-detect paedo!
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SilGathien
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#19
Report 7 years ago
#19
"If text kisses were real kisses, the world would be an orgy". Just the way David said it made it so instantly memorable.

When is the next series out? I miss Mark and Jeremy.
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Natsworthy
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#20
Report 7 years ago
#20
Any reference to WW2 or the military .

''Stand down Kenneth, you're not leaving for Helmand just yet'' - when Mark is talking about his 9 inch dildo.

''None of that Simon Schama *******s''

''I'm not getting them to play with them, honest!''
''Yeah, alright mate''

''You'd think they'd ****ing hurry up wouldn't you?'' (curing cancer)
''I think they're trying...''
''They should get a ****ing move on''


''Yes you've got me, I'm the bracelet *******, Dobby is...Dobby is my girlfriend''

''No it's my gunny, gimme gunny Mark!'

''
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