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Favourite Peep Show quotes?

C'mon then.
Favourite Peep Show quotes?!

"I would literally stab a baby to do it!"

"Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality!"

"I'm a mother****er, that's literally what I am"

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Reply 1

fallen angel9

"Jesus Jeremy, The bin in for household waste not the rotting carcass of a beloved family pet!". Series 4 after Jez kills "Mummy".

Jez: And you've got weird nuts.

Mark: What?! How did you....

Jez: If you're going to watch T.V. in your dressing gown, you may want to put some pants on.

Muggers: Give us your phone give us your wallet!
Come on! before we ****** do you!!
Mark: Do me? are they gonna rape me? or kill me?
if they rape and kill me i hope they kill me first, i sort of win.

Lol hopefully geting the season 1-5 boxset for Christmas :smile:

Reply 2

Candypants.

"I'm doing excellent shopping"

"I am the lord of the bus said he!"

and oh so many more...hehe

Reply 3

Lamasamaka

Ah I love Peep Show. I have some in my quotations list. Here are the ones I can be bothered to find:

Mark: "Jeremy, there are many things I would do to help you, but digging a hole in the wintery earth with my bare hands so that you can bury the corpse of a dog you killed is not one of them"

Girl at bar: "Can I have a metre of vodka with an inch of tonic.."
Mark: "Oh, naughty, you've combined metric and imperial..you might get an interdenominational hangover that way"

Mark: "This is the last friendship I have that’s not backed up by enforceable legal documents"

Mark: "That’s where society's headed: people ******** in bags and throwing them out the window"

Jez: "If I don't think about it, there's always a chance it didn't happen"

Jez: "Here’s some flowers, they'll very soon die, but then again everything does in good time"

Jez: "This isn’t wrong, its just illegal, like drink driving"

Jez: "Oh yes justice is done...well not justice, but what I wanted to happen, which is basically the same thing"

Reply 4

DisgruntledMoth

My friend gave me Series One for Christmas. I think I may watch some now.

*Dances.*

Reply 5

Monkey_Maiden

I'm getting the box set series 1-5 for christmas yay :smile:

Reply 6

EmzaHarvey

Mark: "Oh, you were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon."

Reply 7

Guy Secretan

we sit around eating ben and jerry's and playing on the playstation that's how people make their money

Reply 8

Orwell

Super Hans: The Twins, the ******* twins . . .

Classic.

Reply 9

gingerrama

"Tell you what, that crack is really more-ish."

"It's payback time. And she's going to pay back... in fear dollars!"

Reply 10

ormaybeitsjustnarcissism

'Crack, Super Hans?!'
'OK guys, you've all had your fun with the sectioning. There will be no more sectioning today'
'This is good, this is just like watching a porn film, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard on, and I want to cry... '

The whole scene where they get the pub and Super Hans doesn't want to change a thing and wants to leave the washing machine there to 'mess with their heads' and then tries to call the pub 'Free The Paedos' :rofl:

Reply 11

concubine

This is great, this is just like watching a porn film, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard on, and I want to cry...

Reply 12

Sam...

Jez picks up bottle of olive oil

Mark: Oh no.. no. mate, this stuff's 78 pence per 100 ml.

Jez: "Well yeah. I mean it's 1st pressing. Or do you wanna wait till everyone else has had their fun with the olives.. 4th pressing! Yeah.. like that's going to be a party in your mouth.. I don't think!"

Reply 13

Leard

"Why toast when you can roast."

Reply 14

Blueflare

Mark:
"Could I be happy, living in a cottage in the country with my wife and baby? The Sunday Times is so thick I wouldn't have to talk to anyone at all on Sunday, work Monday to Friday... if only I could work out Saturday this might just work."
"Money can't buy you love, but owning a furnished flat can get you a reasonable simulation."
"People like Coldplay and voting for the Nazis, you can't trust people."
Jeremy: "The Beatie Boys fought, and quite possible died, for my right to party."

:rofl:

I love Peep Show!

I wish I could think of more awesome Jez quotes and exchanges between the two, but can't off the top of my head.

Reply 15

cfc1992

what were super hans words when they were recording that song for a advert and the cleaner guy was going on his break?

Reply 16

jonny__

Okay then, see you later... baby.
(UGH, 'baby'... Not to self RE: being the Fonz. Mark, you are not the Fonz.)

Mark: He's boring? Why, because he doesn't go round with a "haircut" and an iPod and a... strap-on?!
Jeremy: A strap-on?
Mark: It's an example.

Reply 17

Orwell

Mark : So, have you got kids?
Foz: Not yet. Why?
Mark: Oh, no reason. I mean, I love kids. Not in a bad way, in a nice way. I mean, I'm not on the Child Protection Register... yet. Which proves I'm not a paedo! [This is going horribly. Need a joke.] Either that or I'm an incredibly hard-to-detect paedo!

Reply 18

SilGathien

"If text kisses were real kisses, the world would be an orgy". Just the way David said it made it so instantly memorable.

When is the next series out? I miss Mark and Jeremy.

Reply 19

Natsworthy

Any reference to WW2 or the military .

''Stand down Kenneth, you're not leaving for Helmand just yet'' - when Mark is talking about his 9 inch dildo.

''None of that Simon Schama *******s''

''I'm not getting them to play with them, honest!''
''Yeah, alright mate''

''You'd think they'd ****ing hurry up wouldn't you?'' (curing cancer)
''I think they're trying...''
''They should get a ****ing move on''

''Yes you've got me, I'm the bracelet bastard, Dobby is...Dobby is my girlfriend''

''No it's my gunny, gimme gunny Mark!'

''

(edited 13 years ago)