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Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship

I’m 20 (M) and I know I might be overthinking, but I’m starting to question whether a relationship is in the cards for me. I’ve never really had a crush on anyone until recently, and for the past few months, I thought things were going well with someone. We hung out a lot, and I thought I was seeing some signs, so I told her I liked her. Unfortunately, she didn’t feel the same way. She was really kind about it, though, and still wants to stay friends.

I took a couple of days to process it, but now I’m feeling a bit lost about relationships in general. It just doesn’t seem like it’s meant to be right now. I know TSR isn’t exactly the place for this kind of post, but I guess I just need to vent a bit. Any advice?

Reply 1

WilfredTC

Don't worry about it man, your time will come, if you take action, still put yourself out there, I mean. You can definitely be in a successful happy relationship! Anyone can, a lot of the time persistence and patience is needed. By the way, rejection is nothing too big to be concerned about. You can be the juiciest freshest peach, but some people just don't like peaches.

Reply 2

Zarek

Keep the faith. For most people dating is hard work and it has to be about resilience and patience. It does it make it all the sweeter when something works out, as it inevitably does

Reply 3

Old Skool Freak

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m 20 (M) and I know I might be overthinking, but I’m starting to question whether a relationship is in the cards for me. I’ve never really had a crush on anyone until recently, and for the past few months, I thought things were going well with someone. We hung out a lot, and I thought I was seeing some signs, so I told her I liked her. Unfortunately, she didn’t feel the same way. She was really kind about it, though, and still wants to stay friends.
I took a couple of days to process it, but now I’m feeling a bit lost about relationships in general. It just doesn’t seem like it’s meant to be right now. I know TSR isn’t exactly the place for this kind of post, but I guess I just need to vent a bit. Any advice?

Mate...

You tried your luck with someone and you were unsuccessful, it happens to all of us at some point. I even remember reading about how the Hollywood star George Clooney once got blown out by a waitress, because she agreed to meet up with someone else earlier.

You're only 20, so you've got plenty of time to find your partner. Ignore those who say rubbish like "If you're a virgin and in your 20's, it's over" This is complete nonsense. The main thing you need to do is to keep the faith and not to give up. As long as you're putting yourself out there, then there's always some hope for you. And remember If you take enough shots at a goal, eventually you'll score one day.

The only major change I think you need to make in your approach is not to leave it so long before telling someone you like them. If you let them know sooner rather than later, this has a few advantages for you:-

•

1) It's generally easier to ask someone sooner, as feelings haven't manifested themselves for so long

•

2) Ditto, if they're not interested, a rejection will be easier and quicker for you to get over,

•

3) As a result of the above, once you have the necessary closure, you can quickly find someone else to obsess over

•

4) On the other hand, the sooner she says "Yes", the sooner you can experience the benefits of being in a relationship.

Also, don't confess any deep feelings, keep it simple and say how you think she's nice / cool or whatever and you'd like to do something sometime.

Just keep the faith bro :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone for the advice. Yeah i think overall I just feel a bit deflated by the whole situation. Maybe because I'm quite inexperienced I read things wrong but it just sucks. I get waiting for the right time and everything but I just don't see where I'm even going to meet someone else since I don't really go out too much, just mainly sports and religion.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Old Skool Freak

Mate...
You tried your luck with someone and you were unsuccessful, it happens to all of us at some point. I even remember reading about how the Hollywood star George Clooney once got blown out by a waitress, because she agreed to meet up with someone else earlier.
You're only 20, so you've got plenty of time to find your partner. Ignore those who say rubbish like "If you're a virgin and in your 20's, it's over" This is complete nonsense. The main thing you need to do is to keep the faith and not to give up. As long as you're putting yourself out there, then there's always some hope for you. And remember If you take enough shots at a goal, eventually you'll score one day.
The only major change I think you need to make in your approach is not to leave it so long before telling someone you like them. If you let them know sooner rather than later, this has a few advantages for you:-

•

1) It's generally easier to ask someone sooner, as feelings haven't manifested themselves for so long

•

2) Ditto, if they're not interested, a rejection will be easier and quicker for you to get over,

•

3) As a result of the above, once you have the necessary closure, you can quickly find someone else to obsess over

•

4) On the other hand, the sooner she says "Yes", the sooner you can experience the benefits of being in a relationship.

Also, don't confess any deep feelings, keep it simple and say how you think she's nice / cool or whatever and you'd like to do something sometime.
Just keep the faith bro :smile:

Yeah to be honest I think I should've said something earlier but I kept telling myself the timing wasn't right, probably got too nervous.

I do try to tell myself be to patient and there's still time but it does feel like being left behind. I'll definitely try to think past that though

Reply 6

WilfredTC

Original post

by Anonymous

I think sports and religion is actually a really good way to meet new people. Church youth groups? Sports clubs? For the former you can meet a girl with similar values to you, for the latter, the same hobby! GO TO THEM!! :smile:

Reply 7

Old Skool Freak

Original post

by Anonymous

Yeah to be honest I think I should've said something earlier but I kept telling myself the timing wasn't right, probably got too nervous.
I do try to tell myself be to patient and there's still time but it does feel like being left behind. I'll definitely try to think past that though

You live and learn... In fact, sometimes experience is the best teacher. :smartass:

If it makes you feel better, I've got a load of cringeworthy "Epic Fails" under my belt that would make Mr Bean look cool... but I don't dwell on them. Once I've got over the shame / embarrassment, I try and take whatever lessons I can from the experience and move on.

I do try to tell myself be to patient and there's still time but it does feel like being left behind. I'll definitely try to think past that though

Run your own race, and don't be too concerned with other peoples progress (It's easier said than done, I know). Still, you probably know by now that most of those lads who boasted about losing their virginity in their mid-teens were probably fibbing.

As well as effort, it does take a bit of luck (i.e. being in the right place / time to meet that special someone). Remember to be proactive; the more opportunities you give yourself to meet people, the sooner you'll find your princess; just don't be desperate or creepy about it and you'll be fine (well eventually lol).

This is a very famous quote said by many people (including Mohammed Ali):-

Failure is not getting knocked down; failure is not getting back up afterwards

Think about it :hmmmm:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Guess i'm venting again but the last weeks really taking a toll on me. I've not been sleeping well and I keep getting these thoughts trying to figure out what I did wrong, why she doesn't like me, what if no one ever likes me. I guess right now I just feel really undesired. Don't really know how to deal with this. I've spent time with friends which is good in the moment but then when I'm alone the thoughts come back really strongly. Any advice??

Reply 9

Old Skool Freak

Original post

by Anonymous

Look... time for a pep-talk!

If you had done something blatantly "wrong", you would know about it; one way or another! It's quite possible you didn't do ANYTHING wrong; in fact, if you had done something wrong, chances are she would have been a lot less "nice" about things than you described in your original post. Sometimes, you just have a bit of bad luck... but as that old saying goes, Life is a rollercoaster; sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue.

There's no point in over-thinking something you may never find an answer for, so just let it go. There's a famous line said by Baz Luhrmann "Worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind"

After something like this, it's natural to feel a bit down and question yourself, but eventually you'll get over it, and find someone new. You may well feel similar to this after your first break-up... it's a natural grieving process so you may need to let it run its course (it can't be "forced" or "rushed", although distractions can certainly help). Still, back to the present... Spring is here now, the weather is getting better, so people are wearing less layers... you can't help but start to notice all the talent that's out and about now lol. :biggrin:

I suggest you find something to occupy your time, so you're not constantly over-thinking about ONE rejection. I would personally recommend doing some kind of exercise; as well as the obvious health / fitness benefits, exercise also releases dopamine and endorphins (basically "feel-good" hormones... one of the reasons people who exercise are typically happier than those who don't),.Doesn't matter if you decide to go running, biking, boxing, dancing, joining a sports team or even just a good old fashioned session on the weights, you'll feel much better having done exercise (and you'll probably get a good nights sleep, as a bonus lol). Also, diet can help... eat fresh unprocessed foods (tomato salads always lifts my mood, personally), also oily fish (e.g. Mackerel) is good for the brain as well (N.B. may also help with studies, exams etc., if applicable)

Alternatively, you can take up a new hobby... try learning a new language, go to an art/ drama class, even help out with some charity work. The latter may help you realise that there are people far worse off than you, and may help you put your own problems in perspective.

As I said in my first post, Keep the faith and life will get better :thumbsup: