Feeling a strange mixture of regret, guilt and anticipation

3

Back in September, I moved out to study at a university about three hours away from my home. I’d really been looking forward to starting, since I was excited about the course and I loved the location of the university, but within the first week, I immediately felt like it was too much for me to deal with at once, so before my course even began, I chose to drop out. Since coming back home, I’ve restarted driving lessons and I’m on track to get my license within a month or two, I’ve also applied to study the same course at a local university and, after attending a taster session, I’m now even more ready to start my studies. The problem is, I still have several months before that begins. I’ve been applying for jobs, but none have taken me on outside of a part time volunteering thing that I only do once a week. With all this time having passed, I’m starting to wish partially that I just stuck it through. I find myself wondering about the people I could’ve met and the experiences I could’ve had, while also acknowledging that I’ll be able to meet new people and have new experiences in September. Does anyone have any advice on how best to cope with this?

Reply 1

DataVenia

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

21

Original post

by RedSandJohan

Back in September, I moved out to study at a university about three hours away from my home. I’d really been looking forward to starting, since I was excited about the course and I loved the location of the university, but within the first week, I immediately felt like it was too much for me to deal with at once, so before my course even began, I chose to drop out. Since coming back home, I’ve restarted driving lessons and I’m on track to get my license within a month or two, I’ve also applied to study the same course at a local university and, after attending a taster session, I’m now even more ready to start my studies. The problem is, I still have several months before that begins. I’ve been applying for jobs, but none have taken me on outside of a part time volunteering thing that I only do once a week. With all this time having passed, I’m starting to wish partially that I just stuck it through. I find myself wondering about the people I could’ve met and the experiences I could’ve had, while also acknowledging that I’ll be able to meet new people and have new experiences in September. Does anyone have any advice on how best to cope with this?

Every decision you make potentially impacts your journey through life. This is true of the seemingly minor decisions as well as the major ones. You could choose to wait for the next bus rather than squeeze on an overcrowded one and thereby save your life. You could decide to go to a later showing of a movie rather than the one you'd planned to attend, and thereby bump into a friend you'd lost contact with years ago. You will drive yourself mad if you constantly think of what might have been, had you made a different decision.

Instead, focus on what might be based on the decision you have made. By taking a year out and attending a local university, you might meet the love of your life - who you would never have met at the university three hours away. Or you may land a job for a few months which provides you with great opportunities to make new friends, learn new skills and gain self-confidence.

We can't control how our life might have turned out had we made some different decision, but we can control (or at least influence) how our life turns out based upon the decision we did make.

Reply 2

University of Bath

Official Rep

14

Hi there,

Some fabulous advice above so thankyou @DataVenia . I would also like to add that you mustn't think you made a mistake because you can only make a decision based on the info you have at the time. And at the time, it sounds like you were stressed, overwhelmed and anxious, and so in your case moving to a closer uni was 100% the best decision for you at that time.

Coming to your new uni in a few months' time will open up so many opportunities and doors that you never could have anticipated. You'll be able to get involved and join in with things, meet new people, learn more about what you might want to do next - you have so many fantastic times ahead of you. If anything, you are now in a better place mentally plus you will be able to drive!

I hope this offers some reassurance - huge best of luck for the rest of your gap year and with getting your licence!

Holly
University of Bath

Reply 3

JQ2neeky

14

Original post

by RedSandJohan

Back in September, I moved out to study at a university about three hours away from my home. I’d really been looking forward to starting, since I was excited about the course and I loved the location of the university, but within the first week, I immediately felt like it was too much for me to deal with at once, so before my course even began, I chose to drop out. Since coming back home, I’ve restarted driving lessons and I’m on track to get my license within a month or two, I’ve also applied to study the same course at a local university and, after attending a taster session, I’m now even more ready to start my studies. The problem is, I still have several months before that begins. I’ve been applying for jobs, but none have taken me on outside of a part time volunteering thing that I only do once a week. With all this time having passed, I’m starting to wish partially that I just stuck it through. I find myself wondering about the people I could’ve met and the experiences I could’ve had, while also acknowledging that I’ll be able to meet new people and have new experiences in September. Does anyone have any advice on how best to cope with this?

I guess it's easier to look the future than it is too think about the past. @DataVenia kinda already said it but you should think about the things you can control. You'll still meet a whole load of new people and get have a whole load of new experiences. If you think like that then you'll realise that there is a lot to look forward too.

Also now that your out of that situation, It may be easy to second guess your decision. But if you really felt the way you felt when you were actually there then I'm sure it was the right decision 🙂

Reply 4

hallamstudents

Official Rep

18

Original post

by RedSandJohan

Back in September, I moved out to study at a university about three hours away from my home. I’d really been looking forward to starting, since I was excited about the course and I loved the location of the university, but within the first week, I immediately felt like it was too much for me to deal with at once, so before my course even began, I chose to drop out. Since coming back home, I’ve restarted driving lessons and I’m on track to get my license within a month or two, I’ve also applied to study the same course at a local university and, after attending a taster session, I’m now even more ready to start my studies. The problem is, I still have several months before that begins. I’ve been applying for jobs, but none have taken me on outside of a part time volunteering thing that I only do once a week. With all this time having passed, I’m starting to wish partially that I just stuck it through. I find myself wondering about the people I could’ve met and the experiences I could’ve had, while also acknowledging that I’ll be able to meet new people and have new experiences in September. Does anyone have any advice on how best to cope with this?

Hi there,

I agree with what others have said - you didn't make a mistake so don't worry. You can only do what is best for you at the time and you didn't know what was around the corner, so don't beat yourself up about this.

When you start uni again in September, there will be lots of opportunities and lots of people to make friends with! Think about joining some societies or some group chats now so you can meet some people in advance as this might help you to feel a little bit better about the situation!

There will be just as many people as you would have met this year, and you will likely meet people who are better suited to you as you will be a lot happier somewhere where you feel comfortable which is much better for making friends who are similar to you!

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason, so try and think of it this way if you can.

In terms of looking for a job now, just keep looking as something will come up at some point! At least you are getting some experience and some volunteering opportunities as this will look good on your CV!

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 5

University of Salford Student Rep

Official Rep

13

Original post

by RedSandJohan

Back in September, I moved out to study at a university about three hours away from my home. I’d really been looking forward to starting, since I was excited about the course and I loved the location of the university, but within the first week, I immediately felt like it was too much for me to deal with at once, so before my course even began, I chose to drop out. Since coming back home, I’ve restarted driving lessons and I’m on track to get my license within a month or two, I’ve also applied to study the same course at a local university and, after attending a taster session, I’m now even more ready to start my studies. The problem is, I still have several months before that begins. I’ve been applying for jobs, but none have taken me on outside of a part time volunteering thing that I only do once a week. With all this time having passed, I’m starting to wish partially that I just stuck it through. I find myself wondering about the people I could’ve met and the experiences I could’ve had, while also acknowledging that I’ll be able to meet new people and have new experiences in September. Does anyone have any advice on how best to cope with this?

Hi @RedSandJohan

First of all, well done for trying university away from home. That is a really brave step. Even if it didn’t feel like the right thing for you, you should be really proud of yourself for trying it. Starting university can be tough as you are often studying a totally new course, in a new place, surrounded by new coursemates. Then add in being in a new area a long way from friends and family, it can be really overwhelming. Therefore, it’s great you went to see if it was for you. It sounds like you made the right decision for you at the right time and have been really productive since returning home, I didn’t learn to drive until I was a little older, so remember it well – good luck! That’s brilliant that you enjoyed your taster day.

I agree with all the advice you have been given.

I have some understanding of how you are feeling because I transferred universities during the summer of my first year and found the summer of waiting to start really tricky at times as it felt like I was just treading water. I found joining my local gym where I met new people and got to keep fit, preparing for my university course by reading, joining online chat groups, and researching the extracurricular activities at the university really helped me to hit the ground running when I started. Additionally, I decided to fit in as many free sightseeing/day trips as possible, especially because I knew I wouldn’t have time when I started.

Job-wise, have you tried a temping agency at all, these can be great for flexible work and depending on the agency can offer part-time work in a range of places from offices and hospitality to factories? Is it worth checking if there are any paid opportunities related to the area you volunteer in? Or are there any skills you’d like to develop or gain, often places such as ‘LinkedIn’ offer free courses you can take that not only help you learn new things but don’t look too shabby on your CV either.

If you have time to work once you start your degree, then you might be able to find some part-time work at your university.

I work through a company called Unitemps which is fantastic for part-time, flexible, and enjoyable work as a Student Ambassador that fits around my studies, so I can earn while I learn, so you could check if your university offers anything similar.

When you start your new course, hopefully, you will make lots of friends on your course but another excellent way to meet like-minded people is by joining a society this could be something like swimming, archery, board gaming, or even the Taylor Swift Society (yes all of these exist at my university). Usually, these are cheap to join and a really fun, low-pressure way to meet new people.

Best of luck with the job hunt and your new course!

Lucy 😊
(Official Uni of Salford Student Ambassador)

Feeling a strange mixture of regret, guilt and anticipation

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