english literature essay

HELLO im too scared to ask my teacher to mark my work bc its really bad and she'll be disappointed in me SO i used ai and one gave me 26/30, and another said 29/30 so people of tsr please help me mark this!!!
(and prewarning i know this isn;t an amazing piece i feel like some of my points are kind of me saying nothing and i dont add that much context and its all a bit wishy washy but i really just need some honest feedback, improvements and any revision resources/methods i could use)
Both ‘Bayonet Charge’ by Ted Hughes and ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson engage with the devastation of conflict in soldiers' lives. Hughes’ poetic narrative is from the perspective of a single soldier navigating his way through the utter chaos and disorder of the battle field, a background that is clearly echoed in The Charge of the Light Brigade, a memoir of the 1857 Charge at the impregnated Russian Gun position as commanded by the British military officers. Through this, the ultimate message of both is that conflict is an inevitable tragedy, one that soldiers are forced into and then grown accustomed to.
Firstly, both poems depict the terrifying nature of conflict. In Charge of the Light Brigade, this terror is conveyed linguistically - the poem begins in media res with the anaphora of ‘Half a league,’ functioning as free indirect discourse and immediately showing the soldiers clear focus on destination this, accompanied by the dactylic dimeter represents the bravery and assuredness of the soldiers (akin to that of a horse), a trait which is demanded by where it is they are actually charging to - ‘the valley of death’ from Psalm 23, and even the ‘mouth of hell’ itself. The visceral metaphors evokes terror in the reader, and the fact that the soldiers seem to show none of this terror portrays them as a fearless force that have been conditioned by experiencing conflict first hand, to withstand the terror it brings. Additionally, the use of biblical imagery plays into the 19th century readers' strong religious beliefs and diminishes the soldiers to mere mortals in the face of these supernatural states of ‘hell’ and the ‘valley of death'. This terror is mirrored similarly in ‘Bayonet Charge’ where Hughes likewise begins the poem in media res. The adverb ‘suddenly’ and the repetition of the verb ‘raw’ portray the lack of natural preparations a person should have before being forced into dire situations. Subsequently, the writer describes how his sweat was ‘heavy’ depicting his bodily reaction to this terror and further exacerbating the terrifying nature of conflict. Additionally, the use of synesthesia in his description of the air’ dazzling with rifle fire’ shows how even this senses, the fundamental way he experiences the universe, are out of his control.
Secondly, both poems portray the way conflict strips away autonomy. In Bayonet Charge, this is evidenced in the second stanza which is diluted with caesura as the speaker deliberates his role on conflict asking ‘In what cold clockwork of the stars and nations was he the hand pointing that second?’ His complete lack of agency is implicit in the metaphorical depiction of himself as a cog in a great ‘clockwork’ - clockwork when wound up and set into motion keeps going and by placing himself in this, he is being driven forward by a mechanism beyond his control. Alternatively, the harsh alliterative consonants in ‘cold clockwork’ perhaps allude to the harsh military officers who drive the soldiers into these situations with no regard for their well being. The soldiers in ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’ would have likely had similarly cruel military officers and this is affirmed by the speaker's assertion that someone had ‘blundered’. The verb ‘blundered’ has connotations of incompetence and a careless mistake and the fact that the fate of ‘600’ men was ultimately left up to this one mistake epitomises the soldier's lack of autonomy. Interestingly, unlike the account of this event published in ‘The Times’ soon after it happened, the speaker in Charge of the Light Brigade instead chooses to focus on the bravery of the soldiers, aligning with the political function of the poem as a whole which is to commemorate and honour the ‘Noble 600’.
Thirdly, whilst Bayonet Charge depicts the subsequent loss of patriotism that follows entering conflict, The Charge of the Light Brigade tells the story of soldiers who diligently held on to these values showing how these beliefs fuelled their attack. In Bayonet Charge, following the philosophical conundrum of stanza 2, the speaker resolves his internal conflict by ‘dropping’ his beliefs in his cause ‘like luxuries in a yelling alarm’ despite them ‘sweating like a molten iron from the center of his chest in the exposition of the poem. This complete shift in perspective is testament to the way in which soldiers' thoughts in conflict are reduced to a single desire to stay alive. Alternatively, the painful connotations of ‘molten iron’ perhaps suggest that this patriotism is a painful delusion that soldiers can no longer bear to have and must get rid of before it - the war - ultimately destroys them from the inside out. By way of contrast, the semantic field of bravery in the poem as seen in how they ‘bravely’ rode and ‘well’ a lexical pattern seen throughout the entire poem, showing the way in which the way holding onto these ideas empowers the soldiers to charge into a battle they are destined to loose. Alternatively, it could be argued that these values blind the soldiers to the extent they don’t even realise what they are doing until it is too late.
Thus, both poems present the inevitability of conflict which ultimately presents soldiers with a choice - do they abandon their values and fulfil their duty as another cog in a larger clockwork, or stick with their values until they meet their ultimate demise?

Hi, I'm sure there are many more knowledgeable people out there, as I'm not doing English Lit. A-level, though I did get an A* in Lit last year, but not on these poems, so take of this what you will, but I hope I might be able to help a little.
The main thing I would say is to try to develop your points further, even if it feels like a massive reach, if you can link it to a quote or a thing you've already said, put it in. For example, in your first paragraph, where you write 'Additionally, the use of biblical imagery plays into the 19th century readers' strong religious beliefs and diminishes the soldiers to mere mortals in the face of these supernatural states of ‘hell’ and the ‘valley of death'.', I would add that it further implies that the soldiers were uncomfortable in their position, being forced to kill, damaging their morale and creating an uncertain, unsettled atmosphere. Also, you've already mentioned the supernatural, though it may make it more clear if you state that through the use of these biblical metaphors, the writer illustrates the importance of the war/fight and that the fear caused by it was equivalent to the fear of death and eternity of hell. Maybe another idea is that just as religion and life after death is incomprehensible, some of these soldiers weren't fully aware of/didn't completely understand what they were fighting for (can link to context here)
I would also recommend maybe adding mini-conclusions after each comparison of the two poems, to show that you understand the relationship between the two after having looked at whatever point, so at the end of your second paragraph you might want to add something saying that both poems shared the idea that soldiers were harmed by the absence of independence and autonomy, though Bayonet Charge emphasises the more personal image, whereas Charge of the Light Brigade highlights the damage done on the overall unit of 600.
Obviously, I am just speaking from experience, if any of what I'm saying contradicts your teacher, please ignore me, because this is good, so don't feel ashamed of asking your teacher, I promise that it's better to ask now and have time to improve if she's not happy, compared to after the exam/assessment.
Any other questions feel free to ask