Am I wasting my time at Uni.

I'm a 20 year old first year student whose rapidly approaching the end of my first semester and I can't help but feeling like I'm wasting my time at uni mainly due not making any real friends or taking advantage of any opportunities. I'm not completely alone, I have people I regularly talk to in lectures and I get on well with my flat mates but I haven't made any close friends I hang out with outside of that. I've been going to societies and I used to have people I talked to their but they've stopped going and everyone else already has their group so I feel awkward going up to them which leaves me alone.
I'm an introvert who has has social anxiety so I've always struggled making friends and spend most of my time alone plus I don't drink so that make it harder. And I know it's my fault I should be putting myself out there and getting out my comfort zone and meet new people but whenever I'm put in a new social situation I feel overwhelmed and never really know what to do with myself making me feel worse as a result. As such I've been going to societies less and less since I'm not really motivated any more and feel exhausted from everything but doing that makes me feel like I'm wasting time.

Right now I'm trying to get help through uni counseling and I'm getting diagnosed with ADHD but that's a long process. One of the people in my lectures I regularly talk I get on with well and I feel we have similar personalities but I don't know if he actually considers me a friend and while I've tried one we haven't hung out outside lectures.
So am I wasting my time?

Reply 1

quakyducky

I totally get where you’re coming from. Uni can feel really isolating, especially when it seems like everyone else has their friend groups sorted. But honestly, you're not wasting your time, you're just still finding your people, and that takes time. The fact that you're putting yourself out there, even a little, is already a big step. Maybe try asking that lecture friend to grab a coffee or study together small things like that can help build friendships. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re already taking steps to get support, and that’s huge. Hang in there!

Reply 2

LHU-Daisy

Official Rep

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

As quakyducky mentions it does take time to find your people at university. I know its not helpful to hear but its true, for example it wasn't until about Easter in my first year that I reached out to my classmate from lectures and now we are still best friends, so it does take a while.

And you are trying which is great! Just because you don't drink should make it harder to make friends, I don't drink either, but I know this does make it more daunting sometimes. I would try going to your societies again because they may have noticed your absence but haven't been able to reach out. It is good you've accessed uni counselling though i think that will help.

I hope things get better for you.
Daisy- Graduate Advocate :smile:

Reply 3

Kingston Zhi En

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a 20 year old first year student whose rapidly approaching the end of my first semester and I can't help but feeling like I'm wasting my time at uni mainly due not making any real friends or taking advantage of any opportunities. I'm not completely alone, I have people I regularly talk to in lectures and I get on well with my flat mates but I haven't made any close friends I hang out with outside of that. I've been going to societies and I used to have people I talked to their but they've stopped going and everyone else already has their group so I feel awkward going up to them which leaves me alone.
I'm an introvert who has has social anxiety so I've always struggled making friends and spend most of my time alone plus I don't drink so that make it harder. And I know it's my fault I should be putting myself out there and getting out my comfort zone and meet new people but whenever I'm put in a new social situation I feel overwhelmed and never really know what to do with myself making me feel worse as a result. As such I've been going to societies less and less since I'm not really motivated any more and feel exhausted from everything but doing that makes me feel like I'm wasting time.
Right now I'm trying to get help through uni counseling and I'm getting diagnosed with ADHD but that's a long process. One of the people in my lectures I regularly talk I get on with well and I feel we have similar personalities but I don't know if he actually considers me a friend and while I've tried one we haven't hung out outside lectures.
So am I wasting my time?

Hey there, I also had a similar experience in my first year at uni at found it very challenging to make any close friendships within my course! I eventually joined a society and got a part time job as a student ambassador which allowed me to meet more people from outside of my course where I eventually met people I gelled with 😄! Friendships take time to build and I realise that many people are naturally introverted as well and it does take time to warm up to others. Sometimes it helps to take the first step 🙂 Why not try initiating and invite a friend to an event or have a lunch together, it is definitely not a waste of time to try, give it some time and don't give up 🤗 I hope this helps and I wish you all the best in your studies and uni journey.

Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)

Reply 4

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a 20 year old first year student whose rapidly approaching the end of my first semester and I can't help but feeling like I'm wasting my time at uni mainly due not making any real friends or taking advantage of any opportunities. I'm not completely alone, I have people I regularly talk to in lectures and I get on well with my flat mates but I haven't made any close friends I hang out with outside of that. I've been going to societies and I used to have people I talked to their but they've stopped going and everyone else already has their group so I feel awkward going up to them which leaves me alone.
I'm an introvert who has has social anxiety so I've always struggled making friends and spend most of my time alone plus I don't drink so that make it harder. And I know it's my fault I should be putting myself out there and getting out my comfort zone and meet new people but whenever I'm put in a new social situation I feel overwhelmed and never really know what to do with myself making me feel worse as a result. As such I've been going to societies less and less since I'm not really motivated any more and feel exhausted from everything but doing that makes me feel like I'm wasting time.
Right now I'm trying to get help through uni counseling and I'm getting diagnosed with ADHD but that's a long process. One of the people in my lectures I regularly talk I get on with well and I feel we have similar personalities but I don't know if he actually considers me a friend and while I've tried one we haven't hung out outside lectures.
So am I wasting my time?

I am not sure what you think University is about. Yes, it is important to make friends or form social connections, but the key expectation is to receive an education and a qualification. I doubt that you would quit your job because you don't have friends, it would look daft.

To your core point, you are in the first semester or the first year. There is enough time to continue engaging in clubs and societies. Good luck

Reply 5

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a 20 year old first year student whose rapidly approaching the end of my first semester and I can't help but feeling like I'm wasting my time at uni mainly due not making any real friends or taking advantage of any opportunities. I'm not completely alone, I have people I regularly talk to in lectures and I get on well with my flat mates but I haven't made any close friends I hang out with outside of that. I've been going to societies and I used to have people I talked to their but they've stopped going and everyone else already has their group so I feel awkward going up to them which leaves me alone.
I'm an introvert who has has social anxiety so I've always struggled making friends and spend most of my time alone plus I don't drink so that make it harder. And I know it's my fault I should be putting myself out there and getting out my comfort zone and meet new people but whenever I'm put in a new social situation I feel overwhelmed and never really know what to do with myself making me feel worse as a result. As such I've been going to societies less and less since I'm not really motivated any more and feel exhausted from everything but doing that makes me feel like I'm wasting time.
Right now I'm trying to get help through uni counseling and I'm getting diagnosed with ADHD but that's a long process. One of the people in my lectures I regularly talk I get on with well and I feel we have similar personalities but I don't know if he actually considers me a friend and while I've tried one we haven't hung out outside lectures.
So am I wasting my time?

Hi there,

It can be really hard when you feel like this and I completely understand where you are coming from. I thought I could just reply to this just in case any of my advice helps you out at all!

In terms of making friends, here are some ways that I have made some of my friends at uni that you may want to try doing:

•

I know you have tried societies, but maybe you could try them again and have a fresh start in second year? This way, there will be lots of people joining and there won't be as many groups formed already. It might be worth a try and you can always stop going if you really don't enjoy it.

•

Have a look and see if there are any clubs in your local area that you could join. There will often be groups and especially sports clubs that you could join which aren't connected to your university. This may be worth a try as it will be completely different people!

•

Have a look on social media and see if there are any groups that you can join. There will often be groups on Facebook and other social media that you can join and you will meet people this way!

In general, I would say that it might be a good idea to talk to the student support team at your uni as they will be there to listen to you if you need help with anything or if you have any problems.

With the friend you have met in your lectures, it could be worth just taking to him and seeing if he wants to do something with you! He might be thinking the same about you so it's worth asking.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.