Distance, love, and a sudden goodbye: what should I do?
I want to tell you this story to get your opinion/advice.
It is about a relationship with a girl some years younger than me (17) who lives in Italy. We met on a language exchange app, and over time, we developed a strong connection that became deeper and deeper. She even told me she loved me before we ever met in person. I was always cautious, even though the truth is that I had strong feelings for her, but I always tried to keep a certain distance because I knew very well that a relationship between us would be impossible due to the distance. I was convinced that, on her part, it was mostly just an adolescent infatuation.
She insisted that she was truly in love with me, while I tried to hold back. However, in January, I went to see her in Italy. Before anything happened, I gave her a letter in which I clearly explained my point of view… That as much as I cared about her and she was very important to me, for both our sakes, we couldn’t embark on a relationship that would end up hurting us. I told her that we each had to follow our own path and that, if in the future our paths crossed again, who knows… She, on the other hand, said that once she finished school, she would move to the UK for university (in two years), so we just had to be patient.
In any case, after reading the letter, she insisted that we make love. It was unforgettable… The weekend passed quickly, and I came back home. For the first few days, we continued talking quite normally, but more as friends, without even mentioning what had happened between us. However, our conversations became less and less frequent, and in the meantime, she started posting stories with clearly sad phrases or songs.
After one last, seemingly normal but short conversation, the next day, I realized that she had blocked me on Instagram (the only app where we were in contact, besides the one where we met). It was a huge shock for me, especially because, in the last few days, I had been missing her terribly, even though I hadn’t had the courage to tell her...
I believe she is also suffering a lot and that she did this because, knowing our relationship was impossible—especially due to my emotional restraint—she is doing everything she can to forget me.
It has been about a month since she blocked me, and I keep thinking about her constantly. Now that I’ve lost her, I feel like I messed everything up. I so badly want to tell her that I love her deeply, that I want to spend my life with her, and that I am willing to wait and visit her more often.
I don’t know if I should try to find alternative ways to contact her. I tell myself that maybe it’s too soon… The truth is, I’m really struggling, and I would do anything to let her know how I feel. I want to respect her decision and her timing—it will obviously be up to her to decide, and I will accept it—but I want her to know what my intentions are now.
What do you think? Any opinions or advice?
It is about a relationship with a girl some years younger than me (17) who lives in Italy. We met on a language exchange app, and over time, we developed a strong connection that became deeper and deeper. She even told me she loved me before we ever met in person. I was always cautious, even though the truth is that I had strong feelings for her, but I always tried to keep a certain distance because I knew very well that a relationship between us would be impossible due to the distance. I was convinced that, on her part, it was mostly just an adolescent infatuation.
She insisted that she was truly in love with me, while I tried to hold back. However, in January, I went to see her in Italy. Before anything happened, I gave her a letter in which I clearly explained my point of view… That as much as I cared about her and she was very important to me, for both our sakes, we couldn’t embark on a relationship that would end up hurting us. I told her that we each had to follow our own path and that, if in the future our paths crossed again, who knows… She, on the other hand, said that once she finished school, she would move to the UK for university (in two years), so we just had to be patient.
In any case, after reading the letter, she insisted that we make love. It was unforgettable… The weekend passed quickly, and I came back home. For the first few days, we continued talking quite normally, but more as friends, without even mentioning what had happened between us. However, our conversations became less and less frequent, and in the meantime, she started posting stories with clearly sad phrases or songs.
After one last, seemingly normal but short conversation, the next day, I realized that she had blocked me on Instagram (the only app where we were in contact, besides the one where we met). It was a huge shock for me, especially because, in the last few days, I had been missing her terribly, even though I hadn’t had the courage to tell her...
I believe she is also suffering a lot and that she did this because, knowing our relationship was impossible—especially due to my emotional restraint—she is doing everything she can to forget me.
It has been about a month since she blocked me, and I keep thinking about her constantly. Now that I’ve lost her, I feel like I messed everything up. I so badly want to tell her that I love her deeply, that I want to spend my life with her, and that I am willing to wait and visit her more often.
I don’t know if I should try to find alternative ways to contact her. I tell myself that maybe it’s too soon… The truth is, I’m really struggling, and I would do anything to let her know how I feel. I want to respect her decision and her timing—it will obviously be up to her to decide, and I will accept it—but I want her to know what my intentions are now.
What do you think? Any opinions or advice?
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
I want to tell you this story to get your opinion/advice.
It is about a relationship with a girl some years younger than me (17) who lives in Italy. We met on a language exchange app, and over time, we developed a strong connection that became deeper and deeper. She even told me she loved me before we ever met in person. I was always cautious, even though the truth is that I had strong feelings for her, but I always tried to keep a certain distance because I knew very well that a relationship between us would be impossible due to the distance. I was convinced that, on her part, it was mostly just an adolescent infatuation.
She insisted that she was truly in love with me, while I tried to hold back. However, in January, I went to see her in Italy. Before anything happened, I gave her a letter in which I clearly explained my point of view… That as much as I cared about her and she was very important to me, for both our sakes, we couldn’t embark on a relationship that would end up hurting us. I told her that we each had to follow our own path and that, if in the future our paths crossed again, who knows… She, on the other hand, said that once she finished school, she would move to the UK for university (in two years), so we just had to be patient.
In any case, after reading the letter, she insisted that we make love. It was unforgettable… The weekend passed quickly, and I came back home. For the first few days, we continued talking quite normally, but more as friends, without even mentioning what had happened between us. However, our conversations became less and less frequent, and in the meantime, she started posting stories with clearly sad phrases or songs.
After one last, seemingly normal but short conversation, the next day, I realized that she had blocked me on Instagram (the only app where we were in contact, besides the one where we met). It was a huge shock for me, especially because, in the last few days, I had been missing her terribly, even though I hadn’t had the courage to tell her...
I believe she is also suffering a lot and that she did this because, knowing our relationship was impossible—especially due to my emotional restraint—she is doing everything she can to forget me.
It has been about a month since she blocked me, and I keep thinking about her constantly. Now that I’ve lost her, I feel like I messed everything up. I so badly want to tell her that I love her deeply, that I want to spend my life with her, and that I am willing to wait and visit her more often.
I don’t know if I should try to find alternative ways to contact her. I tell myself that maybe it’s too soon… The truth is, I’m really struggling, and I would do anything to let her know how I feel. I want to respect her decision and her timing—it will obviously be up to her to decide, and I will accept it—but I want her to know what my intentions are now.
What do you think? Any opinions or advice?
It is about a relationship with a girl some years younger than me (17) who lives in Italy. We met on a language exchange app, and over time, we developed a strong connection that became deeper and deeper. She even told me she loved me before we ever met in person. I was always cautious, even though the truth is that I had strong feelings for her, but I always tried to keep a certain distance because I knew very well that a relationship between us would be impossible due to the distance. I was convinced that, on her part, it was mostly just an adolescent infatuation.
She insisted that she was truly in love with me, while I tried to hold back. However, in January, I went to see her in Italy. Before anything happened, I gave her a letter in which I clearly explained my point of view… That as much as I cared about her and she was very important to me, for both our sakes, we couldn’t embark on a relationship that would end up hurting us. I told her that we each had to follow our own path and that, if in the future our paths crossed again, who knows… She, on the other hand, said that once she finished school, she would move to the UK for university (in two years), so we just had to be patient.
In any case, after reading the letter, she insisted that we make love. It was unforgettable… The weekend passed quickly, and I came back home. For the first few days, we continued talking quite normally, but more as friends, without even mentioning what had happened between us. However, our conversations became less and less frequent, and in the meantime, she started posting stories with clearly sad phrases or songs.
After one last, seemingly normal but short conversation, the next day, I realized that she had blocked me on Instagram (the only app where we were in contact, besides the one where we met). It was a huge shock for me, especially because, in the last few days, I had been missing her terribly, even though I hadn’t had the courage to tell her...
I believe she is also suffering a lot and that she did this because, knowing our relationship was impossible—especially due to my emotional restraint—she is doing everything she can to forget me.
It has been about a month since she blocked me, and I keep thinking about her constantly. Now that I’ve lost her, I feel like I messed everything up. I so badly want to tell her that I love her deeply, that I want to spend my life with her, and that I am willing to wait and visit her more often.
I don’t know if I should try to find alternative ways to contact her. I tell myself that maybe it’s too soon… The truth is, I’m really struggling, and I would do anything to let her know how I feel. I want to respect her decision and her timing—it will obviously be up to her to decide, and I will accept it—but I want her to know what my intentions are now.
What do you think? Any opinions or advice?
Go to Italy and tell her in person?
Reply 2
Wow, man it is like I am staring at myself in the mirror reading your post. The same thing happened to me, hellotalk? I met a girl and we talked for three months, when I told her how I felt she did not feel the same way, and it ended horribly. The difficult thing about this is that it is so hard to tell whether it is real, or you are being used. Her behaviour is a bit consistent with someone who could be using you for personal satisfaction at almost conquering you by making you feel in love with her, but at the same time also consistent with a younger person (since you mention she is some years younger than you: feelings fluctuate more for these people). My advice would be that it sounds like a relationship that was a bit too intense on her side if it was real, and after feeling like you do, I realised that at this point in our lives (17 too by the way) it is not the best choice. Right now I learnt that someone I have always liked for a long time likes me back, through some of her friends, and she prefers to go slowly, and it is much healthier and makes much more sense. So I would recommend listening to reason, instead of your heart, I know it hurts a lot because get this, I have had not one, not two, but three girls block me like that (which is every girl I have ever liked except the one who likes me back, and we have had a fantastic friendship for 6 months thus far and is soon to be something more) and it doesn’t get any easier. Stability and slowly getting to trust someone is infinitely more fun and best for self-preservation, and above all, it is reasonable. That’s my advice but good luck!
Reply 4
youre 17 and she was years younger than you and you made love?? i hope you know that sounds illegal ... move on and thank your lucky stars you didnt get caught
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
youre 17 and she was years younger than you and you made love?? i hope you know that sounds illegal ... move on and thank your lucky stars you didnt get caught
She is 17, I'm 21
Reply 6
that is really gross
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
that is really gross
No it's not.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
that is really gross
you can think whatever you want... it was entirely consensual and nothing illegal (according to both countries' law)
Reply 9
dude, she blocked you and shes a lot younger than you and in a diff country, it might be hard but move on. she doesnt want you, she maybe regrets it, maybe she used you, either way dont harass her and try and contact her. youll become a stalker.
Reply 10
What about all the other women in the world? Including the thousands or millions that live within a 60 minute travel distance from you? And the ones that have more maturity than this 17 year old?
It's no surprise to me that a 17 year old acted in an immature way. She's 17!
And it's no surprise to me that you're not thinking straight now. You're 21!
This week's tragedy is next year's amusing anecdote.
Go get yourself more amusing anecdotes. And more adventures that leave you feeling good about yourself and your life.
In future don't give dumb letters.
In a few years time, there's every chance you'll look back on this and see that you weren't right for each other. And that you're glad how things worked out as you proceeded wisely from this moment on and got yourself a great girlfriend.
It's no surprise to me that a 17 year old acted in an immature way. She's 17!
And it's no surprise to me that you're not thinking straight now. You're 21!
This week's tragedy is next year's amusing anecdote.
Go get yourself more amusing anecdotes. And more adventures that leave you feeling good about yourself and your life.
In future don't give dumb letters.
In a few years time, there's every chance you'll look back on this and see that you weren't right for each other. And that you're glad how things worked out as you proceeded wisely from this moment on and got yourself a great girlfriend.
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