Are my guy friends into me? Am I into them? HELP i need to reply to his message
hi all
i am currently at a college during my gap year. I am 18 turning 19 soon but most of my friends in my college class are 19 to 24 years old (it's around a 5-6 person friendship group).
there's a 21(turning 22?) y/o guy in my friendship group who i'm quite close to, probably the closest or second closest, mostly bonding over some common interests. there was about a week or so during the xmas holidays where i was away, and we were chatting quite a lot on whatsapp, mostly about my trip. (he'd been there recently so he was asking where i went, giving me recommendations, etc). it was just fun light conversation basically.
when we got back from the holidays, he asked me over text if we could have lunch together sometime. and i was immediately like ?? is this a date?? but then i was like "nahhh no wayyyy, i should stop getting ahead of myself lol" and said yes. i asked if it was fancy and he said no so i breathed a sigh of relief. but basically what happened was he was wearing like a proper blazer and stuff (??? that's fancy in my book??) and i was wearing jeans... and the place was really fancy!! and then he insisted on paying even though i was like "no no no no" and he ordered a crazy amount of food (he ate a lot and kept telling me to order more but i was slightly ill at the time and also lost a bit of my appetite due to nerves) that we struggled to finish. the conversation was a lot less free-flowing as it was over text, and because i'm the type of person who can't bear awkward silences, i was just babbling away.
after lunch we were walking around some shops, where he was explaining the way the stock market works or something (he buys stocks or something idk i have very low financial literacy?? also he wasn't explaining in a mansplaining kind of way, i was saying how i feel like i need to get a better understanding and he tried to explain it to me). and for some reason the topic went to our ages, and i said i was 18 and he was like "...!! oh my god!! u are so young!!" and i was kinda confused cuz i thought he knew how old i was, but anyway, i feel like knowing my age made him uncomfortable with the fact that he had invited me out to lunch. (i'm gonna be honest, if my friend was in my position i would probably be like OMG 22 YEARS OLD IS A 4 YEAR AGE GAP OMG) and anyway that was the end, and he hasn't invited me out to lunch since.
however! he has been pretty i guess teasingly flirty over text, i feel like?? like idk if this is just me overreacting and it's just banter but i feel like some of it is pretty clear... e.g. he went on a trip to see his family (different country) and he asked me if i wanted to go with him (i had never mentioned wanting to go to this country specifically in the past). he also invited me to see a concert with him (an artist that we both like) and he had 2 like VIP tickets?? and i really didn't know how to reply so i was like "omg those tickets are so expensive...!" and there's been no further talk about it... i actually also had tickets to a different artist's concert (again we both like this artist) and he really wanted to come, offering to buy a ticket off me for a profit (lol) and i was like sure yeah but it turns out he can't go because of the date of the concert. but anyway he's hinted at me being 'more than a friend' but also seems to be struggling with the fact that i'm younger than him by a few years.
now as to whether i'm interested in him, i'm not really sure... i have never been in a relationship (female, straight) and i'm not even really sure if i've ever had a proper crush on anyone?? (does year 6 count?? and i only kind of realised in hindsight) going to a girls' secondary for 5 years didn't help either i think lmao
so i'm not really sure what romantic feelings actually are, basically...
i feel like maybe i'm just happy about the attention and that i'm being liked (romantically or platonically)
but then maybe i'm just using that as an excuse because that's easier...
i've talked to him about how i feel about my family and stuff that i haven't really much about with other people, mostly because he's had similar experiences to me in some ways, and he has opened up to me and a mutual friend of ours about some of his experiences too
probably the fact that i'm having to ask myself these questions is proof enough, idek.
the thing is i don't think he wants to date me for real because of said age gap and also because we're probably heading down some pretty different paths in life careerwise and idk...
he's also never dated anyone
and then the reason why the title of this post is 'friends' plural, is because another guy from the same friendship group (18 y/o) has just (like a few hours ago) asked me on a date. pretty clear cut actually.
i'm gonna be honest i didn't even know if he was straight or not, it's not that i thought he was gay but he didn't give off any sexuality if that makes sense.
i'm not sure whether ur supposed to like someone when u go on a date with them for the first time... like obviously with dating apps or whatever u probably don't know them as well so you're probably going on dates without liking them already. but for people u know irl, is asking someone out already like an "i like u romantically" and if u say yes it means "me too"? or is it like "i'm kind of interested in you a bit but we're still friends" and if u say yes it's like "i don't mind talking to you more but we're still kind of friends"...??? like i actually don't know what this means??
i had a bit of an issue with this before because i was asked out by my male best friend in sixth form
and he was kind of like "well, our friendship so far has been so close we've basically been dating without the intimate stuff" and i was like ??? i thought i was just acting like a normal friendship? like we were close and i'm ngl i did suspect that he liked me a bit (but then told myself that i was crazy because who would like me???) and this basically made me worried that maybe i'm like really leading people on??? like actually before i started college, i was like "yeah there's no way i'm gonna have anything romantic this year i'm just gonna have to wait until uni sadly" and was not trying to look for a relationship or anything... however, i am definitely a people pleaser and could understand that maybe me trying really hard to be friendly and outgoing and remembering people's interests etc could come off as me being into people?? but like.... i'm not trying to....
anyway sorry this was a really messy post i don't know what to do with my life
unfortunately i read my friend's message (the 18 year old) and idk how to reply
any advice would be much appreciated thank you
i am currently at a college during my gap year. I am 18 turning 19 soon but most of my friends in my college class are 19 to 24 years old (it's around a 5-6 person friendship group).
there's a 21(turning 22?) y/o guy in my friendship group who i'm quite close to, probably the closest or second closest, mostly bonding over some common interests. there was about a week or so during the xmas holidays where i was away, and we were chatting quite a lot on whatsapp, mostly about my trip. (he'd been there recently so he was asking where i went, giving me recommendations, etc). it was just fun light conversation basically.
when we got back from the holidays, he asked me over text if we could have lunch together sometime. and i was immediately like ?? is this a date?? but then i was like "nahhh no wayyyy, i should stop getting ahead of myself lol" and said yes. i asked if it was fancy and he said no so i breathed a sigh of relief. but basically what happened was he was wearing like a proper blazer and stuff (??? that's fancy in my book??) and i was wearing jeans... and the place was really fancy!! and then he insisted on paying even though i was like "no no no no" and he ordered a crazy amount of food (he ate a lot and kept telling me to order more but i was slightly ill at the time and also lost a bit of my appetite due to nerves) that we struggled to finish. the conversation was a lot less free-flowing as it was over text, and because i'm the type of person who can't bear awkward silences, i was just babbling away.
after lunch we were walking around some shops, where he was explaining the way the stock market works or something (he buys stocks or something idk i have very low financial literacy?? also he wasn't explaining in a mansplaining kind of way, i was saying how i feel like i need to get a better understanding and he tried to explain it to me). and for some reason the topic went to our ages, and i said i was 18 and he was like "...!! oh my god!! u are so young!!" and i was kinda confused cuz i thought he knew how old i was, but anyway, i feel like knowing my age made him uncomfortable with the fact that he had invited me out to lunch. (i'm gonna be honest, if my friend was in my position i would probably be like OMG 22 YEARS OLD IS A 4 YEAR AGE GAP OMG) and anyway that was the end, and he hasn't invited me out to lunch since.
however! he has been pretty i guess teasingly flirty over text, i feel like?? like idk if this is just me overreacting and it's just banter but i feel like some of it is pretty clear... e.g. he went on a trip to see his family (different country) and he asked me if i wanted to go with him (i had never mentioned wanting to go to this country specifically in the past). he also invited me to see a concert with him (an artist that we both like) and he had 2 like VIP tickets?? and i really didn't know how to reply so i was like "omg those tickets are so expensive...!" and there's been no further talk about it... i actually also had tickets to a different artist's concert (again we both like this artist) and he really wanted to come, offering to buy a ticket off me for a profit (lol) and i was like sure yeah but it turns out he can't go because of the date of the concert. but anyway he's hinted at me being 'more than a friend' but also seems to be struggling with the fact that i'm younger than him by a few years.
now as to whether i'm interested in him, i'm not really sure... i have never been in a relationship (female, straight) and i'm not even really sure if i've ever had a proper crush on anyone?? (does year 6 count?? and i only kind of realised in hindsight) going to a girls' secondary for 5 years didn't help either i think lmao
so i'm not really sure what romantic feelings actually are, basically...
i feel like maybe i'm just happy about the attention and that i'm being liked (romantically or platonically)
but then maybe i'm just using that as an excuse because that's easier...
i've talked to him about how i feel about my family and stuff that i haven't really much about with other people, mostly because he's had similar experiences to me in some ways, and he has opened up to me and a mutual friend of ours about some of his experiences too
probably the fact that i'm having to ask myself these questions is proof enough, idek.
the thing is i don't think he wants to date me for real because of said age gap and also because we're probably heading down some pretty different paths in life careerwise and idk...
he's also never dated anyone
and then the reason why the title of this post is 'friends' plural, is because another guy from the same friendship group (18 y/o) has just (like a few hours ago) asked me on a date. pretty clear cut actually.
i'm gonna be honest i didn't even know if he was straight or not, it's not that i thought he was gay but he didn't give off any sexuality if that makes sense.
i'm not sure whether ur supposed to like someone when u go on a date with them for the first time... like obviously with dating apps or whatever u probably don't know them as well so you're probably going on dates without liking them already. but for people u know irl, is asking someone out already like an "i like u romantically" and if u say yes it means "me too"? or is it like "i'm kind of interested in you a bit but we're still friends" and if u say yes it's like "i don't mind talking to you more but we're still kind of friends"...??? like i actually don't know what this means??
i had a bit of an issue with this before because i was asked out by my male best friend in sixth form
and he was kind of like "well, our friendship so far has been so close we've basically been dating without the intimate stuff" and i was like ??? i thought i was just acting like a normal friendship? like we were close and i'm ngl i did suspect that he liked me a bit (but then told myself that i was crazy because who would like me???) and this basically made me worried that maybe i'm like really leading people on??? like actually before i started college, i was like "yeah there's no way i'm gonna have anything romantic this year i'm just gonna have to wait until uni sadly" and was not trying to look for a relationship or anything... however, i am definitely a people pleaser and could understand that maybe me trying really hard to be friendly and outgoing and remembering people's interests etc could come off as me being into people?? but like.... i'm not trying to.... anyway sorry this was a really messy post i don't know what to do with my life
unfortunately i read my friend's message (the 18 year old) and idk how to reply
any advice would be much appreciated thank you
Reply 1
ok to answer your first question (are they into you) that's a definite yes. the first guy (the 22 yr old) is into you but unsure because of your age gap
the 2nd guy (18 yr old) is also definitely into you, that's why he asked you out.
for your 2nd question (are you into them) it doesn't seem like you're into either of them tbh
what dating means: the 2nd guy asking you out on a date means he likes you. if you say yes to the date, it doesn't necessarily mean you like him too, js that you're willing to try.
hope this clears things up, and remember that you don't have to try a relationship js because someone likes you, it's perfectly fine to say no
the 2nd guy (18 yr old) is also definitely into you, that's why he asked you out.
for your 2nd question (are you into them) it doesn't seem like you're into either of them tbh
what dating means: the 2nd guy asking you out on a date means he likes you. if you say yes to the date, it doesn't necessarily mean you like him too, js that you're willing to try.
hope this clears things up, and remember that you don't have to try a relationship js because someone likes you, it's perfectly fine to say no
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
ok to answer your first question (are they into you) that's a definite yes. the first guy (the 22 yr old) is into you but unsure because of your age gap
the 2nd guy (18 yr old) is also definitely into you, that's why he asked you out.
for your 2nd question (are you into them) it doesn't seem like you're into either of them tbh
what dating means: the 2nd guy asking you out on a date means he likes you. if you say yes to the date, it doesn't necessarily mean you like him too, js that you're willing to try.
hope this clears things up, and remember that you don't have to try a relationship js because someone likes you, it's perfectly fine to say no
the 2nd guy (18 yr old) is also definitely into you, that's why he asked you out.
for your 2nd question (are you into them) it doesn't seem like you're into either of them tbh
what dating means: the 2nd guy asking you out on a date means he likes you. if you say yes to the date, it doesn't necessarily mean you like him too, js that you're willing to try.
hope this clears things up, and remember that you don't have to try a relationship js because someone likes you, it's perfectly fine to say no
Thank you so much for your reply!!!
I did kind of realise but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't reading too much into anything
)Thank you for the clarification about the date thing too! I ended up saying like "Sure, let's see what happens" and we're in the midst of making plans
I'm just gonna act as I usually do as a friend, and not try to do anything or expect anything
how many dates does one usually go on with someone they're just like willing to try... like if there's no spark after date 1, is it the end? or do you go on a couple of dates to wait for a spark??? sorry if that's a dumb question lol
however, lil dilemma, i might be catching a bit of feels for the first guy 😭
like idk i saw him the other day and for the first time i was like "wait maybe he's kinda cute"
i wouldn't say he's conventionally attractive so yeah i was kind of surprised...
and i do have to say i have more enjoyable conversations with the first guy than the second guy (so far, maybe i just don't know the second guy well enough, but he is definitely quieter than the first guy)
i guess i'm now a bit worried that the first guy is gonna find out that i'm going on a date with the second guy
the fact that i care about him finding out probably means something too 😅
i also don't want the whole friendship group ending up awkward because of me, regardless of if i end up dating anyone or not (i feel like saying no and trying to go back to being friends is also awkward)
kind of brings back awkward memories of sixth form (2 ppl from my friendship group were interested in me... they were my best friends.... they were friends with each other....)
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much for your reply!!!
I did kind of realise but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't reading too much into anything)
Thank you for the clarification about the date thing too! I ended up saying like "Sure, let's see what happens" and we're in the midst of making plans
I'm just gonna act as I usually do as a friend, and not try to do anything or expect anything
how many dates does one usually go on with someone they're just like willing to try... like if there's no spark after date 1, is it the end? or do you go on a couple of dates to wait for a spark??? sorry if that's a dumb question lol
however, lil dilemma, i might be catching a bit of feels for the first guy 😭
like idk i saw him the other day and for the first time i was like "wait maybe he's kinda cute"
i wouldn't say he's conventionally attractive so yeah i was kind of surprised...
and i do have to say i have more enjoyable conversations with the first guy than the second guy (so far, maybe i just don't know the second guy well enough, but he is definitely quieter than the first guy)
i guess i'm now a bit worried that the first guy is gonna find out that i'm going on a date with the second guy
the fact that i care about him finding out probably means something too 😅
i also don't want the whole friendship group ending up awkward because of me, regardless of if i end up dating anyone or not (i feel like saying no and trying to go back to being friends is also awkward)
kind of brings back awkward memories of sixth form (2 ppl from my friendship group were interested in me... they were my best friends.... they were friends with each other....)
I did kind of realise but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't reading too much into anything
)Thank you for the clarification about the date thing too! I ended up saying like "Sure, let's see what happens" and we're in the midst of making plans
I'm just gonna act as I usually do as a friend, and not try to do anything or expect anything
how many dates does one usually go on with someone they're just like willing to try... like if there's no spark after date 1, is it the end? or do you go on a couple of dates to wait for a spark??? sorry if that's a dumb question lol
however, lil dilemma, i might be catching a bit of feels for the first guy 😭
like idk i saw him the other day and for the first time i was like "wait maybe he's kinda cute"
i wouldn't say he's conventionally attractive so yeah i was kind of surprised...
and i do have to say i have more enjoyable conversations with the first guy than the second guy (so far, maybe i just don't know the second guy well enough, but he is definitely quieter than the first guy)
i guess i'm now a bit worried that the first guy is gonna find out that i'm going on a date with the second guy
the fact that i care about him finding out probably means something too 😅
i also don't want the whole friendship group ending up awkward because of me, regardless of if i end up dating anyone or not (i feel like saying no and trying to go back to being friends is also awkward)
kind of brings back awkward memories of sixth form (2 ppl from my friendship group were interested in me... they were my best friends.... they were friends with each other....)
that's great! i think you should try at least one date and then gauge it from there
as for the 2nd guy maybe js wait until after your date to see how you feel about him, could be that you're noticing him more because he seems to like you. also, you shouldn't worry about him "finding out", you can go on a date with whoever you want (within reason ofc lol) and your friends should support you.
finally, don't blame yourself for things being awkward, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
good luck with your date!
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
that's great! i think you should try at least one date and then gauge it from there
as for the 2nd guy maybe js wait until after your date to see how you feel about him, could be that you're noticing him more because he seems to like you. also, you shouldn't worry about him "finding out", you can go on a date with whoever you want (within reason ofc lol) and your friends should support you.
finally, don't blame yourself for things being awkward, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
good luck with your date!
as for the 2nd guy maybe js wait until after your date to see how you feel about him, could be that you're noticing him more because he seems to like you. also, you shouldn't worry about him "finding out", you can go on a date with whoever you want (within reason ofc lol) and your friends should support you.
finally, don't blame yourself for things being awkward, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
good luck with your date!
heyyy thank you so much for the reply!! i went on a first date with him and it went... okay? he's not the chattiest type and i get super paranoid about leaving silences so i was kind of blabbering away. i had to kind of leave in a rush because i had to catch a train, but he asked me on a second date and i was like "oh! okay um sure! sorry, bye!" 😅
but our second date is tomorrow so i'm gonna see how that goes for now
i just realised that i need to buy him a birthday present tomorrow morning beforehand which is VERY last minute ahhh! but i'm not gonna do something crazy, probably some nice snacks or something which is what i gave other ppl in our friendship group for their birthdays...
wish me luck, thank you! x
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