regret letting my boyfriend talk me into this

as the title says. i regret letting my boyfriend talk me into going to see the doctor, part of me feels like i should be grateful because he’s the one who sorted everything out for me, taking care of all the mess i made, so i wouldn't have to switch clinics. but i can't, i'm just angry. it all feels wrong. like i'm trapped in something that wasn’t entirely my choice. it’s my first day back on medication, and i feel worse than ever.
they change you and honestly, i feel like if i can’t face life as myself, if i can’t find a way to survive as the real me, then that's too ******* bad.
should I follow my inner voice and beliefs and tell my him it was a mistake and that i’m not going to continue? he'll probably be really mad and disappointed, but i’m just lying to myself now, my whole life is a lie. i don’t want to play the pretend game anymore.

Hi, i was prescribed sertraline in the last two weeks for Generalised Anxiety Disorder and I was reluctant to take them because of the bad reputation they have as well as people's (including my own) perception of taking an antidepressant etc.
I can sort of understand how you feel, it's not great to start with but side effects generally will wear off over time (most of my side effects subsided past the day 5 or 6 mark besides making me sleep at 9.30pm).
Just try to stay positive, think of how your boyfriend cares about you to the point he helped you get to the doctors to help your problem, and use the time you're on medication to try to better yourself. Whether that be with therapy, or finding hobbies etc, just keep in mind that you can battle whatever your problem is and come out a winner 🙂

it's not my first time on psych meds, though. i've been down this road before, and in my experience, they're never a long-term solution anyway. they just mask everything. eventually, all the issues resurface. do you ever feel, like a fraud? when you have to rely on meds? i feel like everyone is just pretending that this is the answer, because they don't know what else to tell us.

I know that sertraline and medication isn't the answer, it's just buying me some time in the hopes that i fix the problems myself before my 6 months is up. The Dr's told me to self refer to get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as they think it might help me, there's nothing else they can do for me. If you have something like severe OCD, Bipolar disorder or schizophrenia etc then yeah medication will mask it, but I guess the aim is that you are able to live a mostly normal life. If you feel terrible then don't be afraid to reach out. There's more help for mental health and health problems than ever before, charities, individuals and the NHS have support channels now

Proud of you ciel
A lot of psych meds feel awful when you start them. Give it a month, if you still feel crummy, then itll be a good time to talk to the doctor again.

thanks, but honestly, there's nothing to be proud of.. maybe you're right tho. maybe i'm trying to give up too easily. today's been a rough day

it's not my first time on psych meds, though. i've been down this road before, and in my experience, they're never a long-term solution anyway. they just mask everything. eventually, all the issues resurface. do you ever feel, like a fraud? when you have to rely on meds? i feel like everyone is just pretending that this is the answer, because they don't know what else to tell us.

thanks, but honestly, there's nothing to be proud of.. maybe you're right tho. maybe i'm trying to give up too easily. today's been a rough day

You're doing something difficult and good for yourself. I'm proud of you too.
My boyfriend has been on an antidepressant and some other medications for a few years now I think. He's essentially happy, and working a job he really likes. He tells me living his life would be much more difficult if he was dealing with all of the anxiety he had before he started the antidepressant. So IMO there's nothing "fraudulent" about using medications; they don't make you less genuinely yourself. In my boyfriend's case, they support him to be the person he wants to be. I'm proud of him as well.
I agree that antidepressants are not a one-step cure for mental health issues, but they're a tool that can make things a lot easier and give you the space to address things. Go easy on yourself if you can. We're all rooting for you <3

This is so relatable, as always. I hope the meds help even if it's just for a while - it sounds like things have been really grim recenty. Take care

glad to hear your boyfriend is doing well. and thanks, that means a lot.. i’m still kind of on the fence about my decision, but i didn’t know what else to do. it felt like a last resort. i don’t know if it was the right choice or the wrong one, but i guess time will tell.

It's OK for it to be a last resort. It's worth trying - can always stop if it's doing more harm than good, the decision to try isn't committing you to anything permanent

yeah, you're right. as embarrassing as it is to admit because of the fight i put up, i kinda feel a sense of relief now.

From everything we know you, your boyfriend did the right thing and you’ll hopefully be grateful with time.