My heart is starting to hurt
Hi all,
My boyfriend of half a year doesnt seem as interested in hanging out with me anymore, or going on dates or even discussing planning dates...
I told him I value in person time so much more, we message decently well but we only see each other at work or after work for a meal and then thats it. We dont do "day" dates, we dont see each other for a long full day. Im getting really stressed about it because he has had family issues and he works 4 days a week (i work 3 and sometimes we do opposite shifts but we always have at least one full day off together a week.. which we dont do anything on)
the first bit of the relationship we met up loads, he made the first moves etc, he has more romance experience than me (I am still a virgin lol). But he says he loves me, and flirts with me at work (which i am still not comfortable with as its awkward for collegues haha), but we dont meet up outside of work to actually have intimate time and genuine chats that can go further. And i hate that most of the talking we've done is over texting, i think texting is impossible to get to know someone as you dont see their facial expressions, and he has a lovely voice i want to hear! I want to hear him laugh!
I dont know what to do, I dont want to keep badgering him for dates when he said clearly hes strapped for time, but I dont feel like im a priority to him and I feel kinda unloved, I dont know how to say this though and how long to wait until he is more committed to me? This is both of our first serious relationships as adults. Is it normally this hard to figure things out?
My boyfriend of half a year doesnt seem as interested in hanging out with me anymore, or going on dates or even discussing planning dates...
I told him I value in person time so much more, we message decently well but we only see each other at work or after work for a meal and then thats it. We dont do "day" dates, we dont see each other for a long full day. Im getting really stressed about it because he has had family issues and he works 4 days a week (i work 3 and sometimes we do opposite shifts but we always have at least one full day off together a week.. which we dont do anything on)
the first bit of the relationship we met up loads, he made the first moves etc, he has more romance experience than me (I am still a virgin lol). But he says he loves me, and flirts with me at work (which i am still not comfortable with as its awkward for collegues haha), but we dont meet up outside of work to actually have intimate time and genuine chats that can go further. And i hate that most of the talking we've done is over texting, i think texting is impossible to get to know someone as you dont see their facial expressions, and he has a lovely voice i want to hear! I want to hear him laugh!
I dont know what to do, I dont want to keep badgering him for dates when he said clearly hes strapped for time, but I dont feel like im a priority to him and I feel kinda unloved, I dont know how to say this though and how long to wait until he is more committed to me? This is both of our first serious relationships as adults. Is it normally this hard to figure things out?
Reply 1
I agree with you about the texting. Face to face is where it's at. And it's fine if you pretty much cut out all texting between dates.
It is rather unlikely that he will become more committed to you. It's how human nature works. Highly interested in the bright new shiny toy at first. And then increasingly bored with it over time.
Relationships will settle into the taking each other for granted stage as the honeymoon period wears off. The best relationships tend to be ones where the couple goes on adventures and lovey dovey dates and inject novelty regardless of how long the relationship has lasted. When the frequency of dates drops below 2 a month, that's a bad sign.
It's sounding like this is not the right guy for you to lose your virginity to.
Other men are available...
Don't wait for him to change. Never wait for any man to change. It's far too much of a bad gamble. Because of how rare it is for men to change in the way you want them to. Either accept and tolerate the man for who and what he is, faults and all. Or twist and swap him for your freedom and in due course another man.
It is worth reminding yourself how valuable your freedom is. And how you'll have a big chunk of that back if you were to dump him.
It is rather unlikely that he will become more committed to you. It's how human nature works. Highly interested in the bright new shiny toy at first. And then increasingly bored with it over time.
Relationships will settle into the taking each other for granted stage as the honeymoon period wears off. The best relationships tend to be ones where the couple goes on adventures and lovey dovey dates and inject novelty regardless of how long the relationship has lasted. When the frequency of dates drops below 2 a month, that's a bad sign.
It's sounding like this is not the right guy for you to lose your virginity to.
Other men are available...
Don't wait for him to change. Never wait for any man to change. It's far too much of a bad gamble. Because of how rare it is for men to change in the way you want them to. Either accept and tolerate the man for who and what he is, faults and all. Or twist and swap him for your freedom and in due course another man.
It is worth reminding yourself how valuable your freedom is. And how you'll have a big chunk of that back if you were to dump him.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
My boyfriend of half a year doesnt seem as interested in hanging out with me anymore, or going on dates or even discussing planning dates...
I told him I value in person time so much more, we message decently well but we only see each other at work or after work for a meal and then thats it. We dont do "day" dates, we dont see each other for a long full day. Im getting really stressed about it because he has had family issues and he works 4 days a week (i work 3 and sometimes we do opposite shifts but we always have at least one full day off together a week.. which we dont do anything on)
the first bit of the relationship we met up loads, he made the first moves etc, he has more romance experience than me (I am still a virgin lol). But he says he loves me, and flirts with me at work (which i am still not comfortable with as its awkward for collegues haha), but we dont meet up outside of work to actually have intimate time and genuine chats that can go further. And i hate that most of the talking we've done is over texting, i think texting is impossible to get to know someone as you dont see their facial expressions, and he has a lovely voice i want to hear! I want to hear him laugh!
I dont know what to do, I dont want to keep badgering him for dates when he said clearly hes strapped for time, but I dont feel like im a priority to him and I feel kinda unloved, I dont know how to say this though and how long to wait until he is more committed to me? This is both of our first serious relationships as adults. Is it normally this hard to figure things out?
My boyfriend of half a year doesnt seem as interested in hanging out with me anymore, or going on dates or even discussing planning dates...
I told him I value in person time so much more, we message decently well but we only see each other at work or after work for a meal and then thats it. We dont do "day" dates, we dont see each other for a long full day. Im getting really stressed about it because he has had family issues and he works 4 days a week (i work 3 and sometimes we do opposite shifts but we always have at least one full day off together a week.. which we dont do anything on)
the first bit of the relationship we met up loads, he made the first moves etc, he has more romance experience than me (I am still a virgin lol). But he says he loves me, and flirts with me at work (which i am still not comfortable with as its awkward for collegues haha), but we dont meet up outside of work to actually have intimate time and genuine chats that can go further. And i hate that most of the talking we've done is over texting, i think texting is impossible to get to know someone as you dont see their facial expressions, and he has a lovely voice i want to hear! I want to hear him laugh!
I dont know what to do, I dont want to keep badgering him for dates when he said clearly hes strapped for time, but I dont feel like im a priority to him and I feel kinda unloved, I dont know how to say this though and how long to wait until he is more committed to me? This is both of our first serious relationships as adults. Is it normally this hard to figure things out?
Personally don’t think he deserves you to be honest. If you value you quality time, making the effort of the things you both plan on doing personally your a keeper. And yet he should be opening you with arms and doing everything in being able to keep you. Personally I’d do everything possible to be prioritising yourself and giving the love and affection you rightful want. It’s not normally hard for you both to figure it out but it’s something you both seriously need to discuss and have a talk about. Seeing whether you both align with one and other or if it’s time you both go separate ways because I believe the success or a successful relationship requires equal time and effort from both as well as commitment.
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