Is it toxic to regard your colleagues as your friends?
I've spoken to my manager about feeling isolated because I was the only person in the company with my particular skillset. I tried to be positive, mentioning that I enjoy working with the team and I'm doing activities outside of work to meet people in my profession.
However, I have a feeling that my manager told the rest of the team. There is a huge distance between myself and my other teammates now; I'm starting to feel left out and alone while my teammates are all working together in the same area.
I regret what I said to my manager, they kept pressuring me asking whether I had any concerns on the team.
I felt like I could trust them. My manager has gossiped a lot about their friends and shared very personal stuff to the team.
Within my workplace, there is a great deal about friendships, everyone has a friendship group and if someone was to sit alone to eat - they just stick out like a sore thumb. It's so difficult to break into these friendship groups. I do sit with people to eat but I have nothing in common with people.
Is it toxic to regard your colleagues as your friends?
However, I have a feeling that my manager told the rest of the team. There is a huge distance between myself and my other teammates now; I'm starting to feel left out and alone while my teammates are all working together in the same area.
I regret what I said to my manager, they kept pressuring me asking whether I had any concerns on the team.
I felt like I could trust them. My manager has gossiped a lot about their friends and shared very personal stuff to the team.
Within my workplace, there is a great deal about friendships, everyone has a friendship group and if someone was to sit alone to eat - they just stick out like a sore thumb. It's so difficult to break into these friendship groups. I do sit with people to eat but I have nothing in common with people.
Is it toxic to regard your colleagues as your friends?
Reply 1
Toxic? no, but sometimes unrealistic, a lot of people just want to get their work done and go home, keeping their professional and personal lives apart.
I'm pretty much one of them, I'm happy to chat etc but little interest in joining or hanging about with a group. I generally prefer to eat alone just for some quiet time and it wouldn't bother me what anyone thought about it.
I'm pretty much one of them, I'm happy to chat etc but little interest in joining or hanging about with a group. I generally prefer to eat alone just for some quiet time and it wouldn't bother me what anyone thought about it.
Reply 2
The simple answer to the question is no, it is not toxic to regard your colleagues as your friends - assuming, of course, you've taken the time to get to know them and your compatibility is the same as with friends you've made elsewhere in your life.
But there seems to be two other issues at play here. The first is the work place 'cliques' that you are struggling to fit into and the second is your perception that your manager has shared information with the team that you thought would be kept confidential.
The first is hard to deal with, but you can only try to be civil with these people, attempt to find common grounds (sports teams? tv shows? Taylor Swift??) and hope that you will start to fit in as you work there longer. Is it possible that you could be included in some other projects that the wider team is working on which would give you more opportunities to connect with them?
The second is easier to deal with in a way - you should report your concern elsewhere in the hierarchy - for example if you have a pastoral 'manager' or senior departmental manager. Your manager should not be sharing anything you discuss in respect of your working experience or relationships with other members of the team.
But there seems to be two other issues at play here. The first is the work place 'cliques' that you are struggling to fit into and the second is your perception that your manager has shared information with the team that you thought would be kept confidential.
The first is hard to deal with, but you can only try to be civil with these people, attempt to find common grounds (sports teams? tv shows? Taylor Swift??) and hope that you will start to fit in as you work there longer. Is it possible that you could be included in some other projects that the wider team is working on which would give you more opportunities to connect with them?
The second is easier to deal with in a way - you should report your concern elsewhere in the hierarchy - for example if you have a pastoral 'manager' or senior departmental manager. Your manager should not be sharing anything you discuss in respect of your working experience or relationships with other members of the team.
One of the most accurate things someone once told me, was "there's no sentiment in business."
It was a tough pill to swallow at the time, but it was absolutely correct.
It was a tough pill to swallow at the time, but it was absolutely correct.
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