my mum being weird

My mum and I were just out yesterday and she started saying oh yeah you do need a blood test because you’ve been very angry lately. I said oh u know hormonal changes and things can annoy me if my siblings are being loud. Anyways, she goes to me that I don’t spend time with the family as much and I only care about my partner, which is not true because I am home on my days off and I enjoy time at home with my family. I go out with my partner literally once or twice a week and when I go out I’ll come home late. Apparently that’s an issue? Me and my partner get along well and he does a lot for me and respects me and listens to me as to why I’m nice back to him. My mum says that I need to have my own personality and say no to him at times rather than say yes yes yes to going out. He’s literally my partner I told her what else do you want me to do I need to spend time with him aswell. She says oh I don’t spend time with the family. She made me really upset because of this behaviour I don’t understand her at all. Every single time I go out it’s an issue. I get that she wants to spend time with me but whenever I say let’s go nobody is up rod to it and my dads always busy with work. She’s making me want to hate my partner and just focus on the family only just because I live at home. If I was financially capable of moving out I would do with him but it’s not possible right now. She doesn’t understand literally she’s trying to say my partner controls me when he doesn’t if he controlled me I wouldn’t have a say or anything. He cares for me and protects me he’s not the same as for example my sisters husband because he does his own thing. I don’t understand what to do I’ve spoken and I don’t want to speak again I have said enough. I can’t even go on holidays without feeling guilty

Reply 1

StriderHort

I know this is a bit glib, but ignore her? it sounds a bit like she just wanted to moan about something and would have latched onto anything, I doubt this is anything to do with the frequency of you going out, just that you're going out at all really? Just parrot what she said right back to her, that you have a personality of your own and you can make your own choices, including saying no to him, her or anyone else.

Is it possible your mum is going through stuff herself which is making her cling to things a bit more or be as bit unreasonable? like menopause maybe? You say your dad is often away, does your mum have other things in her life?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by StriderHort

I know this is a bit glib, but ignore her? it sounds a bit like she just wanted to moan about something and would have latched onto anything, I doubt this is anything to do with the frequency of you going out, just that you're going out at all really? Just parrot what she said right back to her, that you have a personality of your own and you can make your own choices, including saying no to him, her or anyone else.
Is it possible your mum is going through stuff herself which is making her cling to things a bit more or be as bit unreasonable? like menopause maybe? You say your dad is often away, does your mum have other things in her life?

Yeah that’s true, my mum is mostly at home she doesn’t work either. My dad just works and comes home my mum cooks for him. I will obviously try harder to take her out and enjoy going out to make her happier but why do I have this big responsibility? I try my best to spend time I think the issue is she also wants to enjoy and come along

Reply 3

StriderHort

Original post by Anonymous

Sadly you might have the responsibility because you're the only one she feels she has. Often with family it isn't about fairness, its just about what someone needs.

I obv don't know her, but if you're able to communicate a bit more openly about how you both feel and what you could do to help you might both get more out of the time you do spend together and she might feel like she has more of a chance to vent a bit and reassured you aren't about to move out over night or anything.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by StriderHort

Sadly you might have the responsibility because you're the only one she feels she has. Often with family it isn't about fairness, its just about what someone needs.
I obv don't know her, but if you're able to communicate a bit more openly about how you both feel and what you could do to help you might both get more out of the time you do spend together and she might feel like she has more of a chance to vent a bit and reassured you aren't about to move out over night or anything.

Yeah I am the eldest and I care about my family and parents a lot I’m just tired of explaining it. I want to also care about my partner too or else we will have problems

Reply 5

Euapp

I think on Mother’s Day I would have refrained from posting. One day more before complaining wouldn’t change the world. Maybe she senses literally this. That whatever she does she isn’t valued and that home is just a place to sleep because you and your partner can’t afford something of your own.
Not saying it’s 100% true but quite likely something to think about.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Euapp

My culture is different so being home for me is fine, I am home a lot of times compared to other people I stay home I do work and then I go out with my partner when I can. My mums not fussed about Mother’s Day either I got her flowers yes but that’s not something she thinks about