Creative Writing

Hi guys! I was wondering if you could read this story and give it mark out 40. 24 for content and organisation and 16 marks for technical accuracy. The promt was write a story about an disagreement. Any feedback is welcomed and apppreciated. Thank you x

The sun was shining down on Maya as she strolled through the busy streets of New York City. The familiar melody of “Good 4 U” by Olivia Rodrigo blasted through her headphones. The melody of the music brought peace to Maya as she hugged her black Nike hoodie closer to her body; desperate to savor any body heat she could as the bitter wind nipped at her face. As the outro played, Maya pulled out her phone out of her pocket and changed songs before sending a quick text to her dad at home, explaining she would be back soon. Shoving her phone back into her back pocket, Maya breathed in the heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee and fresh hotdogs before exhaling.

10 minutes later, Maya had escaped the hustle and bustle of the city. Slowly, she walked up the familiar cobblestone streets of Cornelia Street (where Maya lived). Quickening her pace, Maya broke into a sprint to the maroon-colored door where the silver number 13 glistened in the early afternoon light. Masya twisted the silver doorknob before exclaiming “I’m home!”.

The house was unusually cold and silent. The curtains were closed, and no lights were turned on. Maya frowned, her eyebrows furrowed as she slowly made her way through the dark hallways, calling for her dad. As Maya got closer to the kitchen, she could hear muffled voices. A woman perhaps, maya thought. Shew could make out the sound of her father’s voice, lower than usual. Clearing her throat, Maya entered the kitchen. Her father mumbled out a quick reply of “I’ll try.” before ending the phone and putting the screen downwards. Her father gave Maya a nervous smile and began to wring his hand. Maya looked at him, confusion etched on her face.
“So, how was your walk?” asked her father, not meeting Maya’s eyes.
“Eh. It was peaceful.” replied Maya, shrugging her shoulders.
Her father nodded before running a hand through his messy and untamed blonde jungle.

PING! Her father’s hand grabbed his phone, checking the message he had just received. The color drained out of his face as he bit his lip, deep in thought.
“Dad,” said Maya, waving her hand in front of his face, “dad. What’s wrong?”
Her father broke out of his trance and replied “Nothing” before shooting off a reply to the message. “Just the guy who was supposed to fix the sink isn’t coming. Now I have to do it.”
Maya walked over to the sink and turned it on. “Looks fine to me” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Well, it’s not. It’s leaking.” replied her stated her father, giving her a look that told her to zip it and to not cause a fight. He sighed, before asking her to get duct tape to fix it. Maya nodded slowly, alarmed at how fast her dad changed before walking back into the dark hallways.

Maya swinted as she rummaged through the box where they kept random stuff. Exclaiming in triumph, maya reached for the duct tape that was at the bottom of the box. Getting up, Maya slowly walked towards the kitchen, ignoring the pit in her stomach.

As she turned to go into the kitchen, she was faced with her father standing in the drak. His eyes dark- sone-cold, detached. The little rays of sunlight that sneaked through the cracks of the house cast long shadows. As Maya went to go give him the tape, his ram raised up and swung an old and battered baseball bat at Maya. Th last thing that Maya remembers is the cracking sound of her skull breaking into pieces before everything went dark...

The pounding of drums echoed in Maya’s head as she sluggishly woke up. The side of her face was oozing with thick and wet blood which slowly dripped down the side of her face and onto the floor. She didn’t have to raise her hadn't to feel the broken skin. The metalic taste of blood hung in the roof of her mouth, as she tried to make sense of her situation. Her father’s cold eyes. The deafening bang all came rushing back to her, hitting her like a bus. Maya twisted her ands only to find out they had been bound by tape. Duct tape. She twisted and twisted until the burning sensation became too much and she hung her head in defeat, as she let out a cry.

The sound of heavy combat boots caused Maya to raise her head “Why?” Maya croaked out, her voice hoarse from screaming before.
“I had to choose. You or her.” her dad coldly replied.
“I’m your daughter.” screamed Maya.
Her father rolled his eyes as he walked towards her, a pistol in his hand. He grabbed a piece of duct tape and placed it over her mouth. Maya tried to scream but only a muffled cry could be heard. He laughed bitterly at the look of desperation on Maya’s face. With no other words, he left.

Maya tried to escape, but nothing was in her favor until she realised she had her phone in her pocket. She struggled but eventually got it. She pressed the emergency SOS button and prayed to every deity out there for help. She knew the police would get to her from her location. The pain in her head became too much before Maya passed out once again.

The sound of her father running caused Mary to slowly wake. Flashes of red and blue seeped in through the cracks of the bordered-up windows as her father flung open the door. HIs eyes resembled a mad man as he waved his pistol around, screaming and cursing. The banging on the door became deafening before the door was broken in. Her father paced, tapping the pistol against his temple, choosing his options. He paused and slowly raised the gun to his temple. With one final look at Maya, he pulled the trigger. Maya let out a strangled cry as the blood splattered the walls crimson red. HIs cold eyes burnet itself into Maya’s mind as she repeated the scene on how her father’s lips mouthed the words

"This is your fault.”

Thje police swarmed in and told her that she was safe. He was gone. Maya felt broken and numb. She felt like she was on auto pilot. She remembered the police telling her it’s over, but she knew she was far from it.
Days passed; months passed and every night the deafening BANG haunted her in her dreams. The pill bottles had begun to pilling up as she remembered her father’s words. Two people died that day but only one stopped breathing.