a christmas carol paragraph

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firstly, my teachers always taught me to refrain from starting sentences with "this" as much as possible as it's a bit vague and can be replaced by something better. Or at least write "this [blank]..." like you did with "this quotation" so it's less vague. For example, instead of "this clearly contrast..." you could write something like "Scrooge's newfound appreciation for the holiday contrasts..." or "His promise to "honour christmas" contrasts..", as currently it's unclear if "this" refers to the first or second quotation - also it helps to get a little more analysis in.

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My second tip would be to zoom in on your quotations to explain the points that you are drawing from them better. For example, you claim that scrooge now sees christmas as a joyous time but didn't explain how that is shown by the quotation. Even though it may seem obvious, it's important to draw clear connections between your quotes and the points that you are making, and zooming in on particular words in the quotes can help you do this. For examle, you could zoom in on the word "heart" and connect it to love or a source of life which shows the great importance of the holiday to scrooge.

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Final pointer is to try to incorporate context into the paragraph instead of tacking it onto the end almost as an afterthought. You could introduce the idea of scrooge's past attitude being similar to that of victorian society earlier in the paragraph, then link back to it in the end with Dicken's message