writing advice

hi so ive been writing a story for a little while now, but its way too embarrassing to aks people that i actually know for advice/criticism, so i figured id ask on here. I started with other chapters, but have come back to chapter one. After this passage, im going to go onto focus more on Ezra, so don't worry abt him not really being in this bit.
The Town That Wasn't a Village
In April, Ezra arrived in a town that smelled like salt and regret. The locals called it a village, but that made it sound too soft, too kind - like bake sales and summer fetes. In reality, it was more like a crumbling rusty pipe - soft but slowly dying. Ivy climbed every wall, and unforgiving spray had eroded the coastal path until it was more of an impression than a route. More suggestion than command.
The new house was too small for all that they had left behind. Boxes that wouldn’t be unpacked until autumn littered the corridor. Jeans that wouldn’t fit in the cramped cupboards sprawled on the backs of chairs. A wedding album, tucked far back in his mother’s closet, that wouldn’t be opened again.
ik that its quite short but any advice would really help cause i havent written in ages and feel quite clunky lmao.

Hey love the first paragraph I wouldn't change anything 🎉
For the 2nd I think (unless its intention) the repetition of "wouldn't" is causing your sentances to get really long which is causing the clunkiness. The description is amazing tho. Try something like "Jeans sprawled on the back of chairs, refusing to yield to the already cramped cupboards".
Hope this helps

ty for the advice x

hi so ive been writing a story for a little while now, but its way too embarrassing to aks people that i actually know for advice/criticism, so i figured id ask on here. I started with other chapters, but have come back to chapter one. After this passage, im going to go onto focus more on Ezra, so don't worry abt him not really being in this bit.
The Town That Wasn't a Village
In April, Ezra arrived in a town that smelled like salt and regret. The locals called it a village, but that made it sound too soft, too kind - like bake sales and summer fetes. In reality, it was more like a crumbling rusty pipe - soft but slowly dying. Ivy climbed every wall, and unforgiving spray had eroded the coastal path until it was more of an impression than a route. More suggestion than command.
The new house was too small for all that they had left behind. Boxes that wouldn’t be unpacked until autumn littered the corridor. Jeans that wouldn’t fit in the cramped cupboards sprawled on the backs of chairs. A wedding album, tucked far back in his mother’s closet, that wouldn’t be opened again.
ik that its quite short but any advice would really help cause i havent written in ages and feel quite clunky lmao.

the descriptions are good but one piece of advice: avoid head hopping. you shouldn't really switch point of views in the same paragraphs. e.g. the first sentence is ezra's pov, the third - ivy's. best to stick to one character's point of view per chapter, otherwise you'll confuse the reader

i meant ivy the plant lmao but thanks for the advice anyway x

omg, i'm sorry, i probably need to catch some sleep then bc my reading comprehension is clearly gone at this point

lmao me too, but i legit cant sleep tn

Ur still up!? Why cant u sleep

im just a bad sleeper lol

Did you get any sleep last night?

yeah a bit lol, its all good 😋

Do u want to pm? I love how u write and u seem like such an amazing person

Do u want to pm? I love how u write and u seem like such an amazing person