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bf uninvited me

bf (21) and I (21) have been going out for over a year and about 6 months ago he asked me if I'd like to go to Thailand with him and his best mate from school who I have never met. I said are you sure etc. and he insisted it'd be really fun for the 3 of us. We then chatted about it and I sent lots of suggestions of places to go as did he.
He then said his mate couldn't come anymore for some reason so it'd just be us two which was fine
Anyway a few weeks later, just after I messaged him with a few suggestions of places to visit he replied saying he thinks we should actually go to Italy just the two of us and that he would go to thailand with his best mate instead.
I said I had wanted to go and expressed my upset at this but it appeared the decision had already been made and he apologised saying he hadn't handled it well but had thought I wasn't keen on coming etc. and I'd prefer Italy anyway. It later came out his mate didn't want to go with us as he's be third-wheeling so that's why he'd initially pulled out, and why my bf had then removed me so that his mate would want to come.
Turns out another mate has now been invited instead of me and they are all going for two weeks and my bf wants to arrange a trip to Italy for us when he gets back so we still get to go somewhere.
I tried to get over it but I'm really disappointed and it is still bothering me a few months later. I had wanted to go and feel sad I won't be able to with him. I also felt cross this was decided for me and Thailand of all places as well, where he'll be drinking heavily and going out a lot.
Anyway I just wanted thoughts on whether I am overreacting which I do have a tendency to do or whether I am justified in feeling upset over it?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Firstly, your partner has arranged an extra trip with you to Italy, which shows he is trying to make up for it and doesnt want you to feel left out so you still have a holiday with him. Honestly think about it from the friends perspective and he would feel uncomfy third wheeling, your partner shouldve said sooner about the plans changing and he couldve said how he wants a friends holiday in Thai and then with you to Italy, which I think is logical but he just didnt go about discussing with you first. Just look forward to the Italy trip with him! Your feelings are still valid but so are his friends, if that makes sense.

Reply 2

Zarek

The explanation that his mate wanted a lads holiday and is upset that you were subsequently included rings true. It’s also true that your bf didn’t handle it well. But I don’t think it’s a major snub and it’s a different issue about the drinking really

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

I think he should have discussed this with you before making any decisions, and honestly said his friend felt like a third-wheel. I dunno, he could have visited Thailand with you and then later gone with just his friends, and maybe that's still an option? It does feel like he is prioritising his friends by making the decision with him before you, but regardless I think he cares about you and wants to travel with you to if hes suggesting a trip to Italy. I would maybe just talk to him again and ask to do a separate trip to Thailand? Also if you dont like that hes going to Thailand you could tell him, but you also have to trust him and your relationship.

Reply 4

StriderHort

Original post

by Zarek

Pretty much this, If they've spoke of this as holiday with 2 friends and he's then invited you that changes things, I can totally understand the friend not being as keen if it's him and a couple. It doesn't particularly mean they want to do anything bad, but it really changes the social situation.

Likewise your BF hasn't handled it well, but he's trying to compromise and obv holiday with you both but would probably benefit from just being straight with you and his friend. But essentially, all 3 of you going will obv result in the friend feeling left out and not wanting to go and you're being offered an alternative holiday & time, so it seems the decent thing to accept that, even if you say you'd still rather Thailand than Italy.