How will I ever get a job or function in daily life.
I have extremely bad social anxiety, the thought of speaking to another person causes me to start sweating and my heart beats really fast. I physically cannot speak to a group of people with more than 3 people, like I literally can’t, I freeze up and the words just don’t come out and my heart beat skyrockets. If I was asked to give a presentation tomorrow I simply couldn’t do it, I would stutter on the first few words and start gulping, then I would simply freeze and be unable to speak at all. I have been to the doctors, I have tried therapy, I have tried medications, anything you could think of I’ve definitely tried it and nothing helps. I’m completely broken and I feel like there is no saving me at this point. 4 years of trying stuff and absolutely no progress, in fact it’s just got worse.
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousI have extremely bad social anxiety, the thought of speaking to another person causes me to start sweating and my heart beats really fast. I physically cannot speak to a group of people with more than 3 people, like I literally can’t, I freeze up and the words just don’t come out and my heart beat skyrockets. If I was asked to give a presentation tomorrow I simply couldn’t do it, I would stutter on the first few words and start gulping, then I would simply freeze and be unable to speak at all. I have been to the doctors, I have tried therapy, I have tried medications, anything you could think of I’ve definitely tried it and nothing helps. I’m completely broken and I feel like there is no saving me at this point. 4 years of trying stuff and absolutely no progress, in fact it’s just got worse.
Less than a year ago, I was in a very similar situation to you.
I was entirely isolated and barely spoke a word to people most days. My general and social anxiety became more than hard to manage and I wasn't sure if there was any chance of getting back to feeling human again.
I don't know you, and I don't know all that exists in your life, but if I can offer once piece of advice it's this: Don't give up on yourself.
Life is hard - for some more than others - and it can seriously get under your skin sometimes, but it's important to look back at where you've been.
If you're having a particularly hard day, or are in a really tricky situation atm, I wouldn't recommend this right now, but if ever at a point when you notice yourself beginning to spiral or anxiety starts kicking in, look back at your life. More specifically, your life in recent times.
What have you done recently that scared you? Notice that despite your anxiety and the fears of doing this thing, you still did it. And you're still here afterwards.
Notice the small successes in your life, and celebrate them. Do something you enjoy when you need to take your mind off things. And most importantly, if you have someone in your life who's close to you - be it a family member, a pet, whoever - sit with them. Talk to them, or simply take time to exist in their space.
I promise you, if you stay strong and trust in yourself, you can do this! Even if you don't believe it and even if all seems hopeless, life throws you down different paths all the time. One day, one of those paths is going to lead you just where you need to go, and I hope when that happens, you become the person you dream of being right this second. <3
Reply 2
dutch courage
Reply 3
21
Original post
by AnonymousI have extremely bad social anxiety, the thought of speaking to another person causes me to start sweating and my heart beats really fast. I physically cannot speak to a group of people with more than 3 people, like I literally can’t, I freeze up and the words just don’t come out and my heart beat skyrockets. If I was asked to give a presentation tomorrow I simply couldn’t do it, I would stutter on the first few words and start gulping, then I would simply freeze and be unable to speak at all. I have been to the doctors, I have tried therapy, I have tried medications, anything you could think of I’ve definitely tried it and nothing helps. I’m completely broken and I feel like there is no saving me at this point. 4 years of trying stuff and absolutely no progress, in fact it’s just got worse.
have you ever been prescribed benzodiazepines? a lot of doctors are hesistant to prescribe them, especially long term. but for a lot of people, they're literally the only thing that works. i have severe anxiety (not social but sometimes im literally too anxious to leave the house in general) and benzos literally kill my anxiety in like half an hour
Reply 4
21
idk why my posts are disappearing but you should speak to your doctor about benzodiazepines - might help for a really severe case of anxiety
Reply 5
Original post
by Ciel.idk why my posts are disappearing but you should speak to your doctor about benzodiazepines - might help for a really severe case of anxiety
It's because they're reviewing it for being hArMfUl, seems to have stopped giving notifications for that lol
Reply 6
21
Original post
by Username123abIt's because they're reviewing it for being hArMfUl, seems to have stopped giving notifications for that lol
oh no, i posted the same thing like 3 times then : < not sure why it was marked as harmful anyway. but i almost never get notifications these days, even when they delete my stuff.
Reply 7
Original post
by Ciel.oh no, i posted the same thing like 3 times then : < not sure why it was marked as harmful anyway. but i almost never get notifications these days, even when they delete my stuff.
Telling someone to start doing benzos I guess 💀 and yeah I never get notifications when they delete my stuff lol
Reply 8
21
Original post
by Username123abTelling someone to start doing benzos I guess 💀 and yeah I never get notifications when they delete my stuff lol
Reply 9
Original post
by Ciel.well yeah, if they can get a prescription and their doctors approves. it's a legitimate drug, can be a literal lifesaver, but some doctors are gatekeeping it.
Yeah they're virtually impossible for a young person to get through the NHS, I usually just get told "there's nothing we can do to help you"
Reply 10
21
Original post
by Username123abYeah they're virtually impossible for a young person to get through the NHS, I usually just get told "there's nothing we can do to help you"
yeah, private is usually the only legal route.
Reply 11
I was in the same position as you when I was in my teens and early 20s, OP. Couldn't make a phone call (would spend literally hours picking up and putting down the phone when trying to organise work experience at school), bunked off school if I was meant to be giving a presentation, ****ed up my uni viva and didn't get a 1st even though I was on the path to receiving one. Even had a period of selective mutism when I couldn't talk to anyone outside of my family for over a year.
Then I started a job where I was put in a position where I just couldn't get out of making phone calls and talking to people and whilst it was absolutely terrifying and physically very uncomfortable having to push through the anxiety, it got easier with exposure. I am pretty sure I dissociated at times to deal with it but it did get easier in the end, and although I still avoid talking to people unless I absolutely have to, the anxiety is now minimal in comparison.
So unfortunately, my only advice is to keep doing it, regardless of how awful it feels until you brain starts to realise those situations as not a much of a threat as it thinks. This is something only you can force yourself to overcome.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
Then I started a job where I was put in a position where I just couldn't get out of making phone calls and talking to people and whilst it was absolutely terrifying and physically very uncomfortable having to push through the anxiety, it got easier with exposure. I am pretty sure I dissociated at times to deal with it but it did get easier in the end, and although I still avoid talking to people unless I absolutely have to, the anxiety is now minimal in comparison.
So unfortunately, my only advice is to keep doing it, regardless of how awful it feels until you brain starts to realise those situations as not a much of a threat as it thinks. This is something only you can force yourself to overcome.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
As above, I have had similar experiences in the past (and still have social anxiety to this day) and honestly what has over the years changed (and helped) is...I had to get a job, and ended up working in one where I had to talk on the phone, and later engage in "small talk" with people I worked with, and while it was acutely stressful at first over time I became more used to it and it's not as bad now. For being on the phone having a "script" of sorts helped me, even if planning what I was going to say when calling out or having a planned set of responses for receiving most calls (at least for the initial part of the call).
So it is something that kind of...can improve over time with exposure. Although I realise that feels impossible now...
I also had CBT which helped me manage it more in the beginning to help me cope with the initial part of the exposure.
So it is something that kind of...can improve over time with exposure. Although I realise that feels impossible now...
I also had CBT which helped me manage it more in the beginning to help me cope with the initial part of the exposure.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 13
9
I'm so nervous too. Next year I have to apply for graduate jobs and I've never experienced any interviews. I just have to do it I guess and hope my speaking skills improve.
Reply 14
Original post
by artful_loungerAs above, I have had similar experiences in the past (and still have social anxiety to this day) and honestly what has over the years changed (and helped) is...I had to get a job, and ended up working in one where I had to talk on the phone, and later engage in "small talk" with people I worked with, and while it was acutely stressful at first over time I became more used to it and it's not as bad now. For being on the phone having a "script" of sorts helped me, even if planning what I was going to say when calling out or having a planned set of responses for receiving most calls (at least for the initial part of the call).
So it is something that kind of...can improve over time with exposure. Although I realise that feels impossible now...
I also had CBT which helped me manage it more in the beginning to help me cope with the initial part of the exposure.
So it is something that kind of...can improve over time with exposure. Although I realise that feels impossible now...
I also had CBT which helped me manage it more in the beginning to help me cope with the initial part of the exposure.
I second having a script. When I initially started having to make phone call, I would spend a good hour beforehand prepping and writing down what I would need to say. It helped me stay grounded and know what to say when anxiety wiped my brain of all thoughts.
Reply 15
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/social-anxiety/
I'll make another post on things you can do to improve your social anxiety later
I'll make another post on things you can do to improve your social anxiety later
Reply 16
Social skills:
Be open, relaxed, approachable, friendly, lighten up
0) You can try nlp exercises, meditation, breathing techniques, visualisation. You can read books on this subject and there is a wealth of resources on the internet, youtube regarding this subject.
1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?
2) Smile, smiling in contagious.
3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.
4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.
5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?
6) Ask how they are, how's everything, how's it going, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, their day, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening. You could read up on current affairs.Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.
7) Be passionate about life.
8) In group discussions, relax and talk to someone close or if someone says something you know, you can talk then. Stay relaxed.
9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.
10) You can write things down and come up with a rational reframed response, keep a journal of your thoughts, reach out to people slowly
Be open, relaxed, approachable, friendly, lighten up
0) You can try nlp exercises, meditation, breathing techniques, visualisation. You can read books on this subject and there is a wealth of resources on the internet, youtube regarding this subject.
1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?
2) Smile, smiling in contagious.
3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.
4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.
5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?
6) Ask how they are, how's everything, how's it going, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, their day, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening. You could read up on current affairs.Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.
7) Be passionate about life.
8) In group discussions, relax and talk to someone close or if someone says something you know, you can talk then. Stay relaxed.
9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.
10) You can write things down and come up with a rational reframed response, keep a journal of your thoughts, reach out to people slowly
Reply 17
I’m the same I’ve only got one true friend which i’ve had since primary and struggle talking to new people. I feel now that I don’t enjoy going out so much that I don’t know what to talk about with people as typically people are sharing stories about something they’ve done or saw but i have nothing to say, even if i want to talk i just don’t know what to say.
Reply 18
Original post
by AnonymousI have extremely bad social anxiety, the thought of speaking to another person causes me to start sweating and my heart beats really fast. I physically cannot speak to a group of people with more than 3 people, like I literally can’t, I freeze up and the words just don’t come out and my heart beat skyrockets. If I was asked to give a presentation tomorrow I simply couldn’t do it, I would stutter on the first few words and start gulping, then I would simply freeze and be unable to speak at all. I have been to the doctors, I have tried therapy, I have tried medications, anything you could think of I’ve definitely tried it and nothing helps. I’m completely broken and I feel like there is no saving me at this point. 4 years of trying stuff and absolutely no progress, in fact it’s just got worse.
Hello there!
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed when it seems like nothing is helping. However, there are resources that might offer some relief and guidance.
Here are some tips that might help:
Remember, you are not alone!
I hope this helps!
Kind regards,
Reka - Coventry University Student Ambassador
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed when it seems like nothing is helping. However, there are resources that might offer some relief and guidance.
Here are some tips that might help:
•
Consider alternative therapies. If you try different ones, you will know which one is the most effective for you. Don't give up!
•
Start with small, and manageable social interactions. It could help build confidence over time.
For example, initiating brief conversations with a trusted friend or family member, or participating in low-pressure group activities.
•
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques. Try some deep breathing exercises or meditation, they could help manage anxiety symptoms.
•
Connect with others who understand what you are going through could be very effective. Online forums or support groups for individuals with social anxiety can provide a sense of community and shared experience.
I hope this helps!
Kind regards,
Reka - Coventry University Student Ambassador
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