Boyfriend going to drop female colleague

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. He is 10 years older than me and a very mature man.
Yesterday, while he was getting ready for work, we had an argument. We didn’t talk the whole day—no calls, no messages. He usually comes back around 11:30 PM, but last night he didn’t come home on time.
I got worried and messaged him around 12:05 AM. He replied saying he was with a female colleague, and they were both drunk. She wasn’t able to handle herself, so he was dropping her home. But he didn’t inform me about any of this until I messaged him.
In my previous relationship, I was cheated on three times by my ex. I kept giving him chances. Now, I’m feeling worried again. My current boyfriend doesn’t seem to feel sorry or think that what he did was wrong. There’s no humbleness or effort to talk to me about how I’m feeling. He hasn’t said anything like, “I know I hurt you” or asked how I’m doing.
I can’t stop overthinking, and I’m really worried.

why was he with a female colleague at 12am, like what was the setting? some kind of work-related party in a pub/club? were they alone or with other people?

Feels abusive behaviour or at least very unpleasant. How’s the relationships otherwise. Personally I would consider dumping him and looking for someone better and closer in age

No party or anything. He was at his work and his colleague had day off and she decided to come to restaurant to drink and enjoy her time. When my bf finish his shift than he decided to join her. And than she become too drunk that he decided to drop her home.

For someone that spent that day not talking to their partner after an argument you seem very expectant for apologies and grovelling.
The circumstances are slightly suss, but could just as equally be someone blowing off steam after a fight, unless you know he DID anything, he doesn't have anything to be sorry over or apologise for hurting you over.

yeah that's a bit sus tbh

And i told him yesterday that I'm leaving you alone today because you are drunk but tomorrow we have to have a serious conversation about it cos I'm overwhelmed with all of this but he denied and said you are ******* up my mood.

he sounds like a bit of an ******* but personally id probably just let it slide idk, sorry, i don't give good relationship advice, my relationships so toxic the neighbours call the police on us at least once a month : <

Sorry but why are you giving advice then? You are just making the situation for the OP more confusing. Gurleen, I’m guessing your Sikh/punjabi, so am I. You do not seem confident in this relationship, the way you describe the dynamic, I’m sorry but just because he's 10 years older than you does not mean you are “emotionally immature” or that “you create drama subconsciously ” Have a conversation with him, tell him you did not feel alright about what he did and mention why specifically you feel upset (your previous relationship) any right mature man would be open to communication and would try their best to comfort your worries. If he is unable to do that, he is not a mature man like you describe him to be. Be strong minded and confident like a Kaur and our Guru ji’s.

he sounds like a bit of an ******* but personally id probably just let it slide idk, sorry, i don't give good relationship advice, my relationships so toxic the neighbours call the police on us at least once a month : <

You are right I'm from punjab and belongs to jatt sikh family. There are planty of the things that i had an open conversation with him and set the boundaries but he still do that regardless cos he has his own reasons. And i did compromise no matter I'm feeling insure, hurt or upset. Tbh i had the conversation with him already and he know I don't like stuff like this but still did it. And from that incident till today he is coming back 2 or 3 hours late. Now it's 3.34 am here still he is not at home.

For someone that spent that day not talking to their partner after an argument you seem very expectant for apologies and grovelling.
The circumstances are slightly suss, but could just as equally be someone blowing off steam after a fight, unless you know he DID anything, he doesn't have anything to be sorry over or apologise for hurting you over.

So just to be clear it is not a one off thing he does, he INTENTIONALLY does it. Either to make you feel more insecure in the relationship so he has power, or that he is potentially cheating. The cheating part is the assumption that after work he is with the female colleague and coming home late at night without any communication and wants to distance himself. Both of the two options sound very calculative and toxic. The fact that you compromised and want to find a solution shows you’re not “emotionally immature” and you “create drama” you want to move forward and tells a lot about your character. So don’t question yourself!! Question the relationship instead. Never should a relationship make you feel the way you feel right now. Don’t let your expectations drop, what he is doing is wrong and I believe you will be best without him.

She has told him many times that she is uncomfortable with him doing this. Imagine your partner coming home every night after 12 am without any communication. Just imagine how energy draining that would be. When you think everything is okay, but he does it every night. you question yourself, did I do anything wrong? You feel insecure and self blaming. You then make excuses for him - he did this because he needs to relax after work.. you eventually fall into his trap where you give him what he wants, power. You become weak, he becomes strong, he fuels from your insecurity and it just gets worse. If this was a one time thing, it could reasonably be him “blowing off steam” but you would expect an explanation at some point. You would expect this fight that you had to be resolved with communication, and you go back to this lovey dovey relationship. But no, the ‘mature man’ continues to come home late at night, without any explanation.

The most hurtful part for me is that he did it intentionally, even though he knew I'm on antidepressants because I’ve been having frequent panic attacks.
I’ll also mention the reason we had an argument. It was because I wanted to read a book titled "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE" by Rithvik Singh. He asked me why I wanted to read it, and since I didn’t have a solid reason, we ended up arguing about it.

That's exactly what's happening with me. Because of these situations, and not having proper conversations with him, I feel so heavy inside with emotions. I'm unable to concentrate on anything. I overthink like crazy—my mind is making 50 to 50 assumptions, like I'm doing something wrong, or maybe I should leave him alone for a while because he is drained too.
But then there's this question: how is it's easy for your second half when he know that his partner is getting panic attacks from the slightest tension or stress? That part is hard to swallow .

If he does not change, then only you can. Start by taking a break for at least 3 months. Make it clear that you want a break, no contact for 3 months. After those 3 months, decide how you want your relationship to continue. If he continues to come late at 3 am and is once again dismissive of your feelings thats when you he is not for you. Don’t extend your suffering when it doesnt need to be that long.