I need a gap year, but my parents say no. Help?

Hi everyone,
I’m a Ukrainian currently in the UK. I moved here because of the war - I didn’t choose it, and for the past few years I’ve just been trying to survive. School here was overwhelming, everything was new, unfamiliar, and emotionally exhausting. Still, I pushed through, learned English, applied to universities, and received several offers. But deep down, I always knew I wasn’t ready. It all felt like an illusion I had to maintain just to keep going, not something I could actually handle long-term.
Now, after three years of non-stop stress, mental exhaustion, and pretending to be okay in a place that’s never truly felt like mine, I’m at a breaking point. It’s not the country’s fault — I’m just not ready for this place yet (I’m grateful for everything by the way!!). My English is still shaky, I’m burned out, and I haven’t had time to properly process everything I’ve lived through.
That’s why I want to take a gap year. Not to sit around doing nothing — I want to go back to Ukraine for a year. Yes, it’s a risk. But it’s also the only place where I feel alive and feel myself. I know it sounds intense, but honestly I’d rather live under the threat of bombs than slowly die of depression here. I want to work, get therapy, improve my English, and reapply to my top choice uni next year. I’ve also received an offer from another university and plan to defer it.
But my parents… They don’t understand. They think taking a gap year is childish and unrealistic. They believe it’s better to “eat what you’re given” without asking questions, that they know best and should make decisions for me. They mock me and treat my thoughts and plans like jokes. It’s suffocating.
The problem is I’m still 17 and will be until the end of summer — exactly the point when all big decisions have to be made. I do understand why my parents don’t want me going back to a country at war. I know they’re scared. But this is still my life. And while my choices might not always seem logical from the outside, I can’t keep living by other people’s fears or under the weight of decisions made for me. I need to be the one to shape what happens next, even if it’s hard.. But this is only one year. If things get worse, I can always come back to the UK. I’m not burning bridges, I’m just trying to give myself a real chance to heal and grow before diving into something as intense as university.
Just to get ahead of the obvious questions, even with the war, mental health care is still more affordable and accessible in Ukraine, and I’ll be in a better position to actually work on myself. Things still function there, and jobs are easier to find, especially because personal communication and flexibility matter more. Yes, it’s risky and the future is uncertain, but for now, I believe I can actually build a foundation there and come back stronger. Plus, the work I plan to do will give me a solid experience point on my CV, a head start for when I return for uni.
I really appreciate any thoughts and opinions you might have. Any advice on what to do next or how to deal with my parents would mean a world for me. Thanks….

I can completely understand your desire for a gap year, even if some might question the location!
Who will be funding / financing your gap year? Does that fact that "jobs are easier to find" mean that you'll be entirely self-sufficient in terms of money? The reason I ask is that if you will need to rely on your parents for money, even if only in part, then their "no" will have more of a practical impact than if you can finance this yourself.

Hi everyone,
I’m a Ukrainian currently in the UK. I moved here because of the war - I didn’t choose it, and for the past few years I’ve just been trying to survive. School here was overwhelming, everything was new, unfamiliar, and emotionally exhausting. Still, I pushed through, learned English, applied to universities, and received several offers. But deep down, I always knew I wasn’t ready. It all felt like an illusion I had to maintain just to keep going, not something I could actually handle long-term.
Now, after three years of non-stop stress, mental exhaustion, and pretending to be okay in a place that’s never truly felt like mine, I’m at a breaking point. It’s not the country’s fault — I’m just not ready for this place yet (I’m grateful for everything by the way!!). My English is still shaky, I’m burned out, and I haven’t had time to properly process everything I’ve lived through.
That’s why I want to take a gap year. Not to sit around doing nothing — I want to go back to Ukraine for a year. Yes, it’s a risk. But it’s also the only place where I feel alive and feel myself. I know it sounds intense, but honestly I’d rather live under the threat of bombs than slowly die of depression here. I want to work, get therapy, improve my English, and reapply to my top choice uni next year. I’ve also received an offer from another university and plan to defer it.
But my parents… They don’t understand. They think taking a gap year is childish and unrealistic. They believe it’s better to “eat what you’re given” without asking questions, that they know best and should make decisions for me. They mock me and treat my thoughts and plans like jokes. It’s suffocating.
The problem is I’m still 17 and will be until the end of summer — exactly the point when all big decisions have to be made. I do understand why my parents don’t want me going back to a country at war. I know they’re scared. But this is still my life. And while my choices might not always seem logical from the outside, I can’t keep living by other people’s fears or under the weight of decisions made for me. I need to be the one to shape what happens next, even if it’s hard.. But this is only one year. If things get worse, I can always come back to the UK. I’m not burning bridges, I’m just trying to give myself a real chance to heal and grow before diving into something as intense as university.
Just to get ahead of the obvious questions, even with the war, mental health care is still more affordable and accessible in Ukraine, and I’ll be in a better position to actually work on myself. Things still function there, and jobs are easier to find, especially because personal communication and flexibility matter more. Yes, it’s risky and the future is uncertain, but for now, I believe I can actually build a foundation there and come back stronger. Plus, the work I plan to do will give me a solid experience point on my CV, a head start for when I return for uni.
I really appreciate any thoughts and opinions you might have. Any advice on what to do next or how to deal with my parents would mean a world for me. Thanks….

Hi everyone,
I’m a Ukrainian currently in the UK. I moved here because of the war - I didn’t choose it, and for the past few years I’ve just been trying to survive. School here was overwhelming, everything was new, unfamiliar, and emotionally exhausting. Still, I pushed through, learned English, applied to universities, and received several offers. But deep down, I always knew I wasn’t ready. It all felt like an illusion I had to maintain just to keep going, not something I could actually handle long-term.
Now, after three years of non-stop stress, mental exhaustion, and pretending to be okay in a place that’s never truly felt like mine, I’m at a breaking point. It’s not the country’s fault — I’m just not ready for this place yet (I’m grateful for everything by the way!!). My English is still shaky, I’m burned out, and I haven’t had time to properly process everything I’ve lived through.
That’s why I want to take a gap year. Not to sit around doing nothing — I want to go back to Ukraine for a year. Yes, it’s a risk. But it’s also the only place where I feel alive and feel myself. I know it sounds intense, but honestly I’d rather live under the threat of bombs than slowly die of depression here. I want to work, get therapy, improve my English, and reapply to my top choice uni next year. I’ve also received an offer from another university and plan to defer it.
But my parents… They don’t understand. They think taking a gap year is childish and unrealistic. They believe it’s better to “eat what you’re given” without asking questions, that they know best and should make decisions for me. They mock me and treat my thoughts and plans like jokes. It’s suffocating.
The problem is I’m still 17 and will be until the end of summer — exactly the point when all big decisions have to be made. I do understand why my parents don’t want me going back to a country at war. I know they’re scared. But this is still my life. And while my choices might not always seem logical from the outside, I can’t keep living by other people’s fears or under the weight of decisions made for me. I need to be the one to shape what happens next, even if it’s hard.. But this is only one year. If things get worse, I can always come back to the UK. I’m not burning bridges, I’m just trying to give myself a real chance to heal and grow before diving into something as intense as university.
Just to get ahead of the obvious questions, even with the war, mental health care is still more affordable and accessible in Ukraine, and I’ll be in a better position to actually work on myself. Things still function there, and jobs are easier to find, especially because personal communication and flexibility matter more. Yes, it’s risky and the future is uncertain, but for now, I believe I can actually build a foundation there and come back stronger. Plus, the work I plan to do will give me a solid experience point on my CV, a head start for when I return for uni.
I really appreciate any thoughts and opinions you might have. Any advice on what to do next or how to deal with my parents would mean a world for me. Thanks….