my bf addicted to weed/vapes and i hate it

As the title says, my boyfriend uses weed at least once a week (something im very much against as Im scared its illegal and he gets it from friends of friends in elaborate ways), and vapes daily, he said he would stop vaping but he bought a new one so clearly lied. I dont know what to do, my parents both smoke tobacco and it ruined my relationship with them as I despise smoking and I have this morbid awareness that they will both die of cancer or something too early, them coughing is a regular noise to me now.
Thankfull he also hates the idea of smoking tobacco but to me weed and vaping are both just as bad. I ask him why he does it and he says its reason he cant say (he has previously said he doesnt like talking about feelings etc, hes a private person). But i really want him to stop, should I push it? I jokingly held onto his vape once and hid it but should I do that for real? get more serious about my hatred of his habits?
I don't want it to badly harm his health but I dont know if I should actively stop him.

The short answer is you're the one with the real issue. If you let the fact your parents smoke actively ruin your relationship with them, yeah that's on you and this will prob happen with anyone else you try to control

you can beg or threaten all you want, but if that person doesn’t truly want to quit deep down, they never will

Try having a conversation with him when he's in a good mood. Something like:
“Hey, can we talk about something that’s been on my mind?” I want to start by saying that I really care about you, and I’m not trying to control your choices. But I’ve been feeling really anxious and upset about the vaping and weed use.
I grew up around smoking, and it really damaged my relationship with my parents. Every time I see or hear someone cough, it reminds me of them and the fear I carry that I might lose them early. So when I see you doing things that feel risky to your health, it hits me on a really personal level.
I know you’ve said that you don’t like talking about feelings, and I completely respect that—but I’m just hoping we can meet in the middle. I’m not asking for perfection or for you to change overnight, but I do need to feel like my concerns matter and that we’re both being honest with each other.
When you said you’d stop vaping and then bought a new one, that hurt—not because of the vape itself, but because it felt like you didn’t trust me enough to tell the truth. I just want to understand what’s going on, and why these habits feel necessary to you.
If there’s something deeper going on, I promise I’ll listen without judgment. And if you don’t want to talk, that’s okay too—but I do need some honesty, and to know where we stand.
Because as much as I care about you, I also have to take care of myself emotionally. And right now, I feel torn between wanting to be supportive and feeling scared and unheard.
I just really want us to figure this out together, if you’re willing.
Good luck 💗💗

The short answer is you're the one with the real issue. If you let the fact your parents smoke actively ruin your relationship with them, yeah that's on you and this will prob happen with anyone else you try to control

this is the most helpful response thank you, i do need open communiction with him to figure out why he does it so i can help him, as i believe he wants to stop

you can always try but yeah sometimes the addiction can be too strong I know from experience, I smoke vapes and weed, but the good thing is you can't overdose on weed so that's one good thing about it. but I also understand that he might not wanna talk about his feelings, bc most men grow up learning that the "Man" can't show emotion, and how we basically gotta be like stone....but, does he have any guy friends to hang out with? this might come off wrong, but you think I could talk to him? I got a certain way where we can be in contact and anyone else can join and vent about their problems in life.....let me know if you are interested....

i find this response really apathetic, my parents let smoking ruin our relationship themselves. theyv seen me cry at the fact im worried theyre going to die early, my dad jokes about getting cancer one day, he once seemed like he was having a heart attack and i waited all night downstairs with him out of fear i was going to have to call the ambulance. they smoke in the car with me which wouldve been illegal as i was underage only years ago while they did it. ive been burnt on their cigarettes before when they flick them at me. they always leave events and leave me alone to go outside to smoke. not to mention the fact they KNOW it is giving me second hand smoking risks (proven to increase risk of cancer due to exposure), knowingly killing me and them. Smokers that do it around their children are some of the most disgusting and unloving people in the world, I do not care what you see as you have not been in my position clearly.
and i am not trying to control him, i want to help him. he is clearly addicted to weed/vaping and he doesnt do it when im there much so it is just me wanting the best for him, knowing how unhealthy any of that is. I would feel the same if my partner had an eating disorder or SH or anything seriously unhealthy that is caused by a mental health problem, which addiction is.
So maybe change your perspective a little, and dont see help as control.

I have actually been in your exact relatively common position, you maybe should have asked that first. You're also throwing the word addiction around so casually as to make it meaningless. This still sounds a lot more like control than help.
I'm not here flying the flag for cigarettes, I'm simply telling you if you're letting that wreck relationships with people it will keep doing so and you need to take that responsibility, most people find a way to live with other peoples habits you know?

you smoke as well?? what happened to the notion of 'healthy lungs'????😩(no hate tho just don't like smoking like OP)

live with other peoples habits when its killing them and also risking them being locked in jail? id rather try and save their life to be honest, to be the support they need (he literally said he WANTS to quit vaping, so I will help him)

The short answer is you're the one with the real issue. If you let the fact your parents smoke actively ruin your relationship with them, yeah that's on you and this will prob happen with anyone else you try to control

...wow 🤣

I have actually been in your exact relatively common position, you maybe should have asked that first. You're also throwing the word addiction around so casually as to make it meaningless. This still sounds a lot more like control than help.
I'm not here flying the flag for cigarettes, I'm simply telling you if you're letting that wreck relationships with people it will keep doing so and you need to take that responsibility, most people find a way to live with other peoples habits you know?

yeah I smoke, but Alot of people in the US do, they drink as well, but I haven't drank since I July 4, 2024

They’ve spoken about their relationship with their parents, which is CLEARLY abusive (not in physical terms maybe, but mentally and draining), and how that was linked with the usage of cigarettes. Caring about someone doesn’t mean you are restricting them. If someone is actively harming themselves, you’re going to do everything you f****** can to make sure they stop. That’s not controlling, especially if the person wants to stop. Sometimes people need a push to help them and they need the support of others to remind them. No one should ever settle with someone else and be comfortable with these habits, especially if they’ve got a terrible past associated with it. You’re not only undermining that person’s feelings, but also putting that person’s mental health, and physical health, at risk for ignoring clear dangerous habits.