GCSE AQA English Language Q5 help

Hi, I am currently in year 11 and was wondering if someone good mark/ give criticism of my English language q5 for paper 1, I did the picture for November 2021, and was planning on using some of the general description as potential phrases to memorize, but I need to know how quality the work is before that

Here is my response to the picture (Describe a place at sunset)

Golden beams lazily stretched across the shuffling sands, transforming the dunes into rippling waves of amber warmth as the sun began its descent into the horizon. In the distance, robins whispered their sweet lament at the finishing of the day, and the scent of wildflowers drifted on the warm air.

I stepped hesitantly towards the pond, the sapphire blue water rippling like silk as it caught the disappearing rays of sunlight. Lowering myself onto the cushioned grass, I inhaled the tantalizing scent of the oasis. The air was thick with the comforting stillness of evening, broken only by the occasional splash of a fish breaking the surface of the water. As blush pink leaves swirled in the breeze, like enchanted dancers, wrapping me in their embrace, I sighed, letting the stillness seep into my bones. It had been awhile since I felt this. Peace.

Above, the sky was streaked with startling colours: marigold hues that faded into iridescent pinks, while fading spots of blue struggled against the vibrant magenta canvas. Below, shadows began to creep out from the rocks, a silent warning that the sun was retreating and darkness was to reign. As the cool wind tickled my face, I shifted my gaze to the dunes, where camels trotted along as their owners urged them to hurry, desperate to reach home before the night showed its deathly face. The world seemed to hold its breath, as if unsure whether to cling to the light or surrender to the dark.

Unseating myself from my haven, I trailed down the winding path, craning my neck to admire the towering trees, their rough bark catching the last moments of sunlight like old coins. The rushing water faded into a steady hum as I continued, my steps getting heavier as the world turned colder, darker,sinister. Howling winds attacked my ears, and the sounds of the evening deepened, with the first calls of nocturnal creatures rising from the underbrush
The once gold riddled dunes now seemed dull, their power stripped from them with the passing of the sun, their glowing crowns retreating. I wish it was always like this. I felt at home. At peace.
I would be very grateful for any feedback!!