Can someone mark my question 5!

i've done so many of these i just want to perfect my story writing skills. can someone give me feedback on this.

I felt as if I were flying as my long, stiff, leg whipped around me at lightning speed; it was an accomplishment I thought was beyond my reach. Pirouette, aerial, backflip. Pirouette, aerial…
Crack!
A sickening snap tore through the air. My breath hitched—had that sound come from me? The world tilted, and suddenly, pain slammed into me like a tidal wave. A single thought clawed its way into my mind, “Mother is going to be livid”.
Scream after scream ripped out of my throat until my voice went hoarse and raw. Sobbing, I tried to sit up but another crack forced me back to the ground, the sound ricocheted off the plain walls.

Tommy burst through the door, eyes wide with horror as he called for help, his voice shaking uncontrollably. My face was soaked with tears as violent flashes of bright blue and red appeared in the window. A young looking lady gently but hurriedly placed me on a stretcher. I couldn’t keep my eyes open much longer. Everything faded into a blur, then to black.

Sweaty. Hot. Clammy.
My eyes fluttered open, the harsh light of the hospital room piercing through my blurred vision. For a moment, I didn’t know where I was. My head throbbed, my body felt heavy, and the air tasted sterile—clean, but suffocating. The steady beep of the heart monitor echoed in my ears, grounding me in the reality of the place. The white walls felt endless, the ceiling too high, and the smell of antiseptic clung to the air like a constant reminder of my immobility. It took a second for the memories to flood back—the injury, the pain, the fall. And then, the crushing weight of everything I had lost settled on me again.

Nobody came to visit me. Not my mother, who had once been my fiercest critic and yet my biggest supporter. Not Tommy, who had burst through the door that day with fear in his eyes. I had expected him to come, to sit with me, but the days stretched on, and the only presence I felt was that of the machines and the quiet, disinterested nurses who came in and out with their routines. The hospital felt like a tomb, and I was its only occupant, my body rotting away as time moved relentlessly forward.Each day, I dreamed of escaping, of breaking free from this cold, sterile hell. The thought of it became my obsession—each breath, each heartbeat a reminder of my imprisonment.
I would lie there, staring at the ceiling, imagining myself running through fields, feeling the earth beneath my feet, hearing the rush of wind through my hair. But reality always shattered those dreams, bringing me back to the harsh truth: I could never leave.
I lost track of time. How many days had passed? Weeks? Months? It was all the same. I could feel my body wasting away, growing weaker, even as my mind clung to the fleeting images of what once was. And then one day, after what felt like an eternity, they came for me.
I was lifted from my bed, my broken body carefully placed in a wheelchair. The motion sent sharp pains through me, but they were distant, almost muted by the weight of everything else. They wheeled me down the sterile halls, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I caught a glimpse of the outside world. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow around me, the sky streaked with hues of orange and pink.
I had forgotten what it was like. The air. The light. The life.
And as I sat there, enveloped by the relentless hum of life marching forward without me, a strange clarity washed over me. I might never dance again, might never feel the rush of air beneath my feet, the weightlessness that had once defined me. But I was still here, still breathing, my heart still pulsing with the rhythm of a world that had moved on. The sharp edges of loss dulled, and in their place, something fragile and yet unyielding emerged—a quiet acceptance. I had been broken, yes, but not defeated. And somehow, in the quiet stillness, that became enough.

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Edexcel A-Level Economics Paper 1 - Unofficial Mark Scheme - 18 May 2023

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