The Student Room Group

Why don't people who give dating advice online know that it's different in India?

Like I am 24M from Bangalore in India but born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and its definitely different here when it comes to dating and it definitely isn't easy. First reason is that India is a collectivist country where people are more in groups. Most Indian women go out with their group of friends so approaching them in a Cafe or something is harder and many of them are much more cautious and guarded in public. Even in my MBA campus or the recent internship I did, most girls stick with their familiar circle and the direct approach I do is rare here so forming connections take time.

Also many say me to just ask out the girl but Indian girls are much more likely to distance herself or avoid me if I ask them on a date in just 2 or 3 days of talking. Many Indian girls are reserved when I approach them. This one girl from my MBA literally distanced herself from me and this another girl in my internship only stuck with her close female friend and was too reserved so I didn't even get much chances to talk to her. Same with other girls as well like one time she is talking and chatting all good and suddenly another day she gives short replies or ghosts me or distances herself. Most of the girls don't even notice me either until I say her Hi even though we spoke before a few times already and its only me initiating the conversations with her.

I noticed this contrast with the Foreign expat women especially the Western ones I talked to in this luxurious mall UB City in our city. They were so friendly and open to conversation and were confident to talk to me. The German women were the best and so were the American expat ones and 4 days ago I also approached this British woman and she was so friendly too and even the East Asian ones were polite and nice whereas even the familiar Indian women are gonna ghost me easily. Whereas with the expat women even if she doesn't wanna talk, she just says no. Its just too hard with Indian women. Even asking for Insta is tricky as they often don't follow back or even if they did then bam, in 2 or 3 days they unfollow. Some unfollows just after seeing my Instagram stories which are mostly of cars and rock music. They are never straightforward about why they don't wanna talk and just ghost silently leaving behind confusion.

Many of my connections with girls faded this way as they don't reply or continue chatting. Whats weird was this girl from my campus was all friendly to me in person but on Instagram she was giving one word replies and suddenly blocked me. Also dating apps are terrible in India as the gender ratio is even more skewed on those apps here and I never really got matches and here I am 24 and still single. This is what most of you Western men can't understand and just give advice which won't work in the Indian context.

Reply 1

Original post by Anonymous
Like I am 24M from Bangalore in India but born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and its definitely different here when it comes to dating and it definitely isn't easy. First reason is that India is a collectivist country where people are more in groups. Most Indian women go out with their group of friends so approaching them in a Cafe or something is harder and many of them are much more cautious and guarded in public. Even in my MBA campus or the recent internship I did, most girls stick with their familiar circle and the direct approach I do is rare here so forming connections take time.
Also many say me to just ask out the girl but Indian girls are much more likely to distance herself or avoid me if I ask them on a date in just 2 or 3 days of talking. Many Indian girls are reserved when I approach them. This one girl from my MBA literally distanced herself from me and this another girl in my internship only stuck with her close female friend and was too reserved so I didn't even get much chances to talk to her. Same with other girls as well like one time she is talking and chatting all good and suddenly another day she gives short replies or ghosts me or distances herself. Most of the girls don't even notice me either until I say her Hi even though we spoke before a few times already and its only me initiating the conversations with her.
I noticed this contrast with the Foreign expat women especially the Western ones I talked to in this luxurious mall UB City in our city. They were so friendly and open to conversation and were confident to talk to me. The German women were the best and so were the American expat ones and 4 days ago I also approached this British woman and she was so friendly too and even the East Asian ones were polite and nice whereas even the familiar Indian women are gonna ghost me easily. Whereas with the expat women even if she doesn't wanna talk, she just says no. Its just too hard with Indian women. Even asking for Insta is tricky as they often don't follow back or even if they did then bam, in 2 or 3 days they unfollow. Some unfollows just after seeing my Instagram stories which are mostly of cars and rock music. They are never straightforward about why they don't wanna talk and just ghost silently leaving behind confusion.
Many of my connections with girls faded this way as they don't reply or continue chatting. Whats weird was this girl from my campus was all friendly to me in person but on Instagram she was giving one word replies and suddenly blocked me. Also dating apps are terrible in India as the gender ratio is even more skewed on those apps here and I never really got matches and here I am 24 and still single. This is what most of you Western men can't understand and just give advice which won't work in the Indian context.

I am sorry for what is happening to you. I have also noticed some differences as I used to live there, as generally ( at least the Indian people I know) can be a bit closed off. But that maybe just because you don't find many people from different cultures ( except the Indian ones) so it might be harder to adjust and they might just want stay with someone familiar

Reply 2

Original post by Anonymous
I am sorry for what is happening to you. I have also noticed some differences as I used to live there, as generally ( at least the Indian people I know) can be a bit closed off. But that maybe just because you don't find many people from different cultures ( except the Indian ones) so it might be harder to adjust and they might just want stay with someone familiar

I am an Indian myself tho so I am not some foreigner living here. But yeah it's definitely hard to date. Most women are typically reserved even in bigger cities and its hard to make a good enough rapport at times. The ask her out soon advice doesn't work here as she might distance herself or block me if I do it top quickly. I asked out several ones but they often say things like I will think about it and tell you later or they say things like they have assignment to complete. Also it's a collectivist country so everyone is mostly in their groups.

Reply 3

So r u currently in india?? Sry I'm confused

Reply 4

Original post by Anonymous
So r u currently in india?? Sry I'm confused

Yeah I was born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and currently in Bangalore, a city in Southern India. I am just saying in this post that how many people online who gibe dating advice are from Western context which doesn't fully work in India.

Reply 5

Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I was born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and currently in Bangalore, a city in Southern India. I am just saying in this post that how many people online who gibe dating advice are from Western context which doesn't fully work in India.


Ohk

Reply 6

This is a UK forum, unless you're making a specific cultural themed request then yes the responses you get are going to 99.99% western.

Reply 7

Original post by Anonymous
Like I am 24M from Bangalore in India but born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and its definitely different here when it comes to dating and it definitely isn't easy. First reason is that India is a collectivist country where people are more in groups. Most Indian women go out with their group of friends so approaching them in a Cafe or something is harder and many of them are much more cautious and guarded in public. Even in my MBA campus or the recent internship I did, most girls stick with their familiar circle and the direct approach I do is rare here so forming connections take time.
Also many say me to just ask out the girl but Indian girls are much more likely to distance herself or avoid me if I ask them on a date in just 2 or 3 days of talking. Many Indian girls are reserved when I approach them. This one girl from my MBA literally distanced herself from me and this another girl in my internship only stuck with her close female friend and was too reserved so I didn't even get much chances to talk to her. Same with other girls as well like one time she is talking and chatting all good and suddenly another day she gives short replies or ghosts me or distances herself. Most of the girls don't even notice me either until I say her Hi even though we spoke before a few times already and its only me initiating the conversations with her.
I noticed this contrast with the Foreign expat women especially the Western ones I talked to in this luxurious mall UB City in our city. They were so friendly and open to conversation and were confident to talk to me. The German women were the best and so were the American expat ones and 4 days ago I also approached this British woman and she was so friendly too and even the East Asian ones were polite and nice whereas even the familiar Indian women are gonna ghost me easily. Whereas with the expat women even if she doesn't wanna talk, she just says no. Its just too hard with Indian women. Even asking for Insta is tricky as they often don't follow back or even if they did then bam, in 2 or 3 days they unfollow. Some unfollows just after seeing my Instagram stories which are mostly of cars and rock music. They are never straightforward about why they don't wanna talk and just ghost silently leaving behind confusion.
Many of my connections with girls faded this way as they don't reply or continue chatting. Whats weird was this girl from my campus was all friendly to me in person but on Instagram she was giving one word replies and suddenly blocked me. Also dating apps are terrible in India as the gender ratio is even more skewed on those apps here and I never really got matches and here I am 24 and still single. This is what most of you Western men can't understand and just give advice which won't work in the Indian context.

What you have said is true but you have to apply the local context.

In the West, it is relatively easier to approach directly because of the individualist approach to society and more women can be alone to talk to. It doesn't mean that some girls don't stay close to their friends.

My suggestion to you is to either go with another friend or friends (wingmen) to meet girls in groups or try to slowly build attraction with the girl before asking her out.

Finally, learn to pick girls your own match. This means that don't go for girls that you think would be above you whether in money, attractiveness or social presence. For example, if you are relatively quiet with one or two friends, don't go for the more popular girls who have loads of friends and attention..

As a great man once said, you need to:

Go to the gym

Get your money up

Try to become the best version of yourself


Good luck

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I was born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and currently in Bangalore, a city in Southern India. I am just saying in this post that how many people online who gibe dating advice are from Western context which doesn't fully work in India.

Who are the people that you're referring to? The people that have given dating advice?
And what were your main take-aways from the advice that they gave?

There's a lot of poor to mediocre advice on dating out there. As well as some good to great advice.

The best advice, when properly understood and implemented will work even better in India than it does in the UK and USA.

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