I'm starting to really dislike my friends and idk what to do about it
I'm in Yr11 (female) and im in a tiny group of friends (2 other people) and theyre really starting to agitate me. sorry in advance because this going to be really hard to structure well and it might not make a lot of sense.
ive been friends with one of the girls (number 1) since yr 9 and the other girl (number 2) since yr 10. when we first became friends, we were group of around 7-10 people but we ended up falling out with the rest of them slowly till it was just us 3 left. number 1 and i became friends because she was new to the school (i was placed with her to show her around) and we're from the same country (VERY rare where i live (shes black, im biracial - semi-important context)). number 2 and i became friends because she had fallen out with her old friend group and we spoke a lot on snap and in some lessons i had with her.
for context : number 2 recently became friends with one girl she fell out with (we'll call her grace) a few months back who made school life a living hell for her ( spreading false rumours, trying to turn us against number 2, telling her to k**l herself n all that lovely stuff) because the girl apologised - which is completely her choice and i supported her decision. me and number 1 told number 2 that we dont want to be friends with grace but we have no issue with her being friends with grace because, like i said, her choice.
so i've recently rekindled with my old best friend (we'll call her cindy) that i fell out with a year ago unfortunately over false rumours and lack of communication on my part. one would assume that my "friends" would support me in the same way ive supported them and respect my desicion too, right?? WRONG. they literally start s**ttalking cindy INFRONT OF MY FACE, calling her ugly, annoying, and all this nonsense. BARE IN MIND cindy has dont absolutely nothing to them and theyve js never liked her for no reason from the start (i know for certain cindys not done anything to them because cindy actually really missed them and ws heartbroken that they didnt want to be friends again). now obviously i dont partake in what theyre saying at all. i js shut up and was low energy towards them the rest of the day. till this day they havent apologised for this (this happened over a month ago). this isnt the first time they seem to be iffy with me but i cant go into much detail in this post cs it'll take the whole day and i need to revise at some point.
number 1 calls me her best friend but literally never speaks to me outside of school, never initiates hangouts, always cancels on me (the first and last time we went out together was 2 years ago), doesnt even snap me or NOTHING. she sends me tiktoks once in a blue moon but theyre always about our country. number 1 vents to me a lot about her personal life and i do the same. idk if this is a me issue but shes so so strange - not even in a mean way shes just a bit creepy sometimes. she makes scary (genuinely horrifying) faces to younger years when shes around me which icks me out a bit, she acts possessed in the canteen for fun (which would be funny once in a while, but its EVERYDAY) but shes also a bit timid - like she wont do simple things like ask a teacher for help but she'll willingly make zombie sounds, she doesnt care abt racism unless its directed towards her by people she doesnt like (boys she likes calling her a monkey=good, boys who dont listen to her calling her a monkey=very bad), her moral compass is confusing and doesnt align with mine, she is very passive aggressive with me (not in a banter way, like shes regina georging me frfr), she lacks ambition and motivation, and she has a negative disposition which makes it draining to be around her sometimes but she can be really fun to be around and shes very helpful when she wants to be. number 2 acts like a pick me unironically sometimes (shes once claimed she had anemia because she was getting heat rashes - she doesnt, she's the type of person that posts dramatic things on their story like "OMDS I ALMOST GOT K**LED" "guys i think i have cancer" ), she's got a lot of bad habits i dont rlly want to surround myself with (smoking weed, edibles, snus, the lot really), shes also ambitionless (which in her defence isnt her fault bc of private context), she can be a bit of a bully to others sometimes but she also claims to be anti-bullying and girls support girls and all that, we also dont hang out or speak after school at all because shes literally always with her bf (hes a good guy but damn girl what abt us fr) but all in all, both of them are good people for the most part.
my issue is that whenever im with them i feel so out of place, like i dont belong and this isnt what im destined for. i wanted to just cut them off after yr 11 but number 1 is going to the same sixth form as me and doing the 2 of the same subjects which makes it very difficult to avoid her. we have really good times but im not sure the good outweighs the bad. idk if im self sabotaging or if im justified in feeling the way i feel. surrounding myself with positive influences is really important to me because of me heritage and my future aspirations and idk if thats what they provide. sometimes it feels like we're only friends with eachother because we dont like anyone else (my school is not great at all but by the time i figured that out there were no available spaces in any other school). i spoke to cindy about the way i feel (shes in a similar situation with her friends too) and she doesnt know what to tell me. im way closer with cindy now than i am with my friends which tbh speaks volumes on how close me and my friends are. im getting agitated because i just feel so stuck and limited with them - we dont share many hobbies or interests. if theres any further context you guys want i dont mind giving it
ive been friends with one of the girls (number 1) since yr 9 and the other girl (number 2) since yr 10. when we first became friends, we were group of around 7-10 people but we ended up falling out with the rest of them slowly till it was just us 3 left. number 1 and i became friends because she was new to the school (i was placed with her to show her around) and we're from the same country (VERY rare where i live (shes black, im biracial - semi-important context)). number 2 and i became friends because she had fallen out with her old friend group and we spoke a lot on snap and in some lessons i had with her.
for context : number 2 recently became friends with one girl she fell out with (we'll call her grace) a few months back who made school life a living hell for her ( spreading false rumours, trying to turn us against number 2, telling her to k**l herself n all that lovely stuff) because the girl apologised - which is completely her choice and i supported her decision. me and number 1 told number 2 that we dont want to be friends with grace but we have no issue with her being friends with grace because, like i said, her choice.
so i've recently rekindled with my old best friend (we'll call her cindy) that i fell out with a year ago unfortunately over false rumours and lack of communication on my part. one would assume that my "friends" would support me in the same way ive supported them and respect my desicion too, right?? WRONG. they literally start s**ttalking cindy INFRONT OF MY FACE, calling her ugly, annoying, and all this nonsense. BARE IN MIND cindy has dont absolutely nothing to them and theyve js never liked her for no reason from the start (i know for certain cindys not done anything to them because cindy actually really missed them and ws heartbroken that they didnt want to be friends again). now obviously i dont partake in what theyre saying at all. i js shut up and was low energy towards them the rest of the day. till this day they havent apologised for this (this happened over a month ago). this isnt the first time they seem to be iffy with me but i cant go into much detail in this post cs it'll take the whole day and i need to revise at some point.
number 1 calls me her best friend but literally never speaks to me outside of school, never initiates hangouts, always cancels on me (the first and last time we went out together was 2 years ago), doesnt even snap me or NOTHING. she sends me tiktoks once in a blue moon but theyre always about our country. number 1 vents to me a lot about her personal life and i do the same. idk if this is a me issue but shes so so strange - not even in a mean way shes just a bit creepy sometimes. she makes scary (genuinely horrifying) faces to younger years when shes around me which icks me out a bit, she acts possessed in the canteen for fun (which would be funny once in a while, but its EVERYDAY) but shes also a bit timid - like she wont do simple things like ask a teacher for help but she'll willingly make zombie sounds, she doesnt care abt racism unless its directed towards her by people she doesnt like (boys she likes calling her a monkey=good, boys who dont listen to her calling her a monkey=very bad), her moral compass is confusing and doesnt align with mine, she is very passive aggressive with me (not in a banter way, like shes regina georging me frfr), she lacks ambition and motivation, and she has a negative disposition which makes it draining to be around her sometimes but she can be really fun to be around and shes very helpful when she wants to be. number 2 acts like a pick me unironically sometimes (shes once claimed she had anemia because she was getting heat rashes - she doesnt, she's the type of person that posts dramatic things on their story like "OMDS I ALMOST GOT K**LED" "guys i think i have cancer" ), she's got a lot of bad habits i dont rlly want to surround myself with (smoking weed, edibles, snus, the lot really), shes also ambitionless (which in her defence isnt her fault bc of private context), she can be a bit of a bully to others sometimes but she also claims to be anti-bullying and girls support girls and all that, we also dont hang out or speak after school at all because shes literally always with her bf (hes a good guy but damn girl what abt us fr) but all in all, both of them are good people for the most part.
my issue is that whenever im with them i feel so out of place, like i dont belong and this isnt what im destined for. i wanted to just cut them off after yr 11 but number 1 is going to the same sixth form as me and doing the 2 of the same subjects which makes it very difficult to avoid her. we have really good times but im not sure the good outweighs the bad. idk if im self sabotaging or if im justified in feeling the way i feel. surrounding myself with positive influences is really important to me because of me heritage and my future aspirations and idk if thats what they provide. sometimes it feels like we're only friends with eachother because we dont like anyone else (my school is not great at all but by the time i figured that out there were no available spaces in any other school). i spoke to cindy about the way i feel (shes in a similar situation with her friends too) and she doesnt know what to tell me. im way closer with cindy now than i am with my friends which tbh speaks volumes on how close me and my friends are. im getting agitated because i just feel so stuck and limited with them - we dont share many hobbies or interests. if theres any further context you guys want i dont mind giving it
Reply 2
hmm if u rly dont like them.. maybe start hanging with cindy?? also update on what happens
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
hmm if u rly dont like them.. maybe start hanging with cindy?? also update on what happens
i would but i dont want to feel as though im only ending the friendship with them just because i found a friend i like more ykwim? and they are also in basically all my lessons and my form too so its impossible to just start hanging out with cindy without problems (even though i would prefer to). im supposed to be sharing transport with number 1 for prom asw and i want to keep the peace for the remaining like 2 months left at least. theyre good school friends but idk if i want to be any more than that anymore. for a small update: i have started talking to cindy much more (at least outside of school cs cindy has her own friends and we dont share any lessons but one that we're literally miles apart in) and i calmly confronted number 1 and 2 about talking rubbish abt cindy to my face. im going to try and attach some screenshots of the convo. post gcses i could update asw.
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Reply 4
hey, sry 2 hear abt that! yea i think what ur doing is prob best 4 now, just maintain the peace between all of them. and for sixth form (idk if u answered this already) is cindy going 2 be there? maybe u cud hang with her then. also are #1 and #2 hanging with others outside school and just excluding u or do none of them do anything outside of school? also ur images didn't send so maybe summarize or try posting agaib
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
hey, sry 2 hear abt that! yea i think what ur doing is prob best 4 now, just maintain the peace between all of them. and for sixth form (idk if u answered this already) is cindy going 2 be there? maybe u cud hang with her then. also are #1 and #2 hanging with others outside school and just excluding u or do none of them do anything outside of school? also ur images didn't send so maybe summarize or try posting agaib
cindys going to a seperate sixth form to me but out sixth forms r linked so sometimes she might come to mine for some lessons. #1 doesnt go out bc she cant be bothered most times 😭 #2 goes out almost everyday with her other friends (grace n her friends) or her bf.
to make a long story short, i told them "guys i really dont like it when u talk crap about cindy right infront of me it makes me really uncomfortable and it js makes everything really awkward" and #1 said "alr i wont say anything abt cindy infront of you but u also cant talk about cindy infront of us" and i agreed. #2 said " alr no offence but i dont wna be even civil with that girl after finding out what i just found out but yh igu" n i js replied with "thats fine its ur choice who u have in ur life". btw what 2 "found out" was that cindy was flirting with some random girls ex in a comment section (she wasnt - the conversation ws literally js them saying how they like the sound used in the tiktok😭 plus even if she was so what its not like cindys friends w the random girl)
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
cindys going to a seperate sixth form to me but out sixth forms r linked so sometimes she might come to mine for some lessons. #1 doesnt go out bc she cant be bothered most times 😭 #2 goes out almost everyday with her other friends (grace n her friends) or her bf.
to make a long story short, i told them "guys i really dont like it when u talk crap about cindy right infront of me it makes me really uncomfortable and it js makes everything really awkward" and #1 said "alr i wont say anything abt cindy infront of you but u also cant talk about cindy infront of us" and i agreed. #2 said " alr no offence but i dont wna be even civil with that girl after finding out what i just found out but yh igu" n i js replied with "thats fine its ur choice who u have in ur life". btw what 2 "found out" was that cindy was flirting with some random girls ex in a comment section (she wasnt - the conversation ws literally js them saying how they like the sound used in the tiktok😭 plus even if she was so what its not like cindys friends w the random girl)
to make a long story short, i told them "guys i really dont like it when u talk crap about cindy right infront of me it makes me really uncomfortable and it js makes everything really awkward" and #1 said "alr i wont say anything abt cindy infront of you but u also cant talk about cindy infront of us" and i agreed. #2 said " alr no offence but i dont wna be even civil with that girl after finding out what i just found out but yh igu" n i js replied with "thats fine its ur choice who u have in ur life". btw what 2 "found out" was that cindy was flirting with some random girls ex in a comment section (she wasnt - the conversation ws literally js them saying how they like the sound used in the tiktok😭 plus even if she was so what its not like cindys friends w the random girl)
honestly from what u said, #2 is starting 2 **** me off so stay wary of her and keep things drama free with her as well. #1 seems more respectful so the agreement u guys have is good ig. when u say the sixth forms r linked, does that mean u and cindy could spend time together for break and lunch? cuz I think that might be a better option.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
honestly from what u said, #2 is starting 2 **** me off so stay wary of her and keep things drama free with her as well. #1 seems more respectful so the agreement u guys have is good ig. when u say the sixth forms r linked, does that mean u and cindy could spend time together for break and lunch? cuz I think that might be a better option.
their linked in the sense that they share teachers for some subjects but the students js come for the lesson then go back to the main school. honestly im js planning on slowly drifting away from #1 in sixth form by hopefully making new friends cs even though #1 is the more mature she is extremely passive aggressive abt me n cindy and idk how to describe it but whenever i even casually smile at cindy i feel #1s eyes burning on my back - like if looks could ki** id not be here - its rlly hard to explain the feeling well😭 also i have noticed the #2 has become verrryyyyy b**chy since shes become close with grace and her friends - like more gossipy than usual but yh i'll take ur advice 🤞
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
their linked in the sense that they share teachers for some subjects but the students js come for the lesson then go back to the main school. honestly im js planning on slowly drifting away from #1 in sixth form by hopefully making new friends cs even though #1 is the more mature she is extremely passive aggressive abt me n cindy and idk how to describe it but whenever i even casually smile at cindy i feel #1s eyes burning on my back - like if looks could ki** id not be here - its rlly hard to explain the feeling well😭 also i have noticed the #2 has become verrryyyyy b**chy since shes become close with grace and her friends - like more gossipy than usual but yh i'll take ur advice 🤞
heyyy, honestly this sounds a lot like what happened to me when i was in year 11. i had this friend who for some strange reason would exaggerate literally everything. like if i went to talk with my other friend she would make it seem like i dont wanna be friends with the whole friendship group (basically stirring up stuff when there was a whole lot of nothing) she was lowk insecure and i felt bad but it was also insufferable. but when we hung out alone she was literally fine, like she was so chill and we would have fun.
anyway im in year 13 now and im acc glad we dont talk anymore. like we are more mutual acquaintances , its too informal to talk to her about like my life, its more like how much hours have u done on flora etc. with sixth form everyone will be focused on their own alevels and new friendships will start to appear. even if u guys r doing the same alevels make sure that convos are surface level. and also appear disengaged when they r gossiping (i hate when the whole topic of conversation is gossip)
also after gsces i didnt hang out with her. it was kinda hard cuz she was defo a fun person to hang out with like without anyone else but it made it easier to just let the friendship drift calmly. hopefully u could do the same thing?
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