Should I stay friends with this person

I have just been on an uni trip with a friend and I am unsure whether to stay friends with this person or not after the trip.

For context I have known this person for the three years and we agreed to go on this field trip together.

I just felt as though they treated me more as a friend that they met on the trip and shared a room with rather than a close friend which I see probably once a week for the three years etc.

Firstly on the flight there we had a spare seat next to both of us (but on different rows) and I said they can come sit by me in the middle of the journey. But instead they asked someone else to sit by them and didn’t tell me or say anything until later on in the trip when it came up in conversation.

When we were there they also kept going off from me and then talking to other people which is fine but I still found a bit strange because these weren’t people they knew before. Almost like trying to make new friends which again is fine but it just felt a bit odd.

The major things I would say that happened were they left me in the middle of a bar by myself. I said I was going to the toilet and to wait at the bar where they were just about to pay but they left me and it turns out they left me to go take pictures with someone elsewhere.

They also met a “friend” halfway through the trip. One time coming back at 1:30am with this friend when I was in my pyjamas and it made me feel uncomfortable. I was also worried where they were.

They stayed out late at night multiple times which again I’m not as fussed about because they should be able to have a good time if that’s what they want to do.

Then on the last day (the day before my birthday) we had agreed to do something and then they turned round 10 minutes before we were supposed to go out and said they are going out with their “friend”. They had known this before and just not told me. Also on my actual birthday they sat by their “friend” on the way back and not me. They did not know this person until the trip and apparently don’t even like them just wanted a holiday romance.

There was also things like clothes everywhere and having to wake up when they get up no matter how early. Just quite selfish.

So anyway what I am asking is should I still be friends with them and go to their birthday which will cost me £50+.

Like I get that it’s their trip as well but since we had planned to go together compared to other people who planned to go together we barely spent any time together and they kept going off from me. I didn’t say anything on the trip because they were sharing a room with me and I couldn’t be bothered with drama.

I think it’s just hard that I might lose a friend but idk if it’s worth staying friends with someone like that. Like a get in a situation like this people will be annoying but it felt really not nice.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

i cant really say if you should or shouldnt be friends with this person because i feel like theres a lot of missing context - how come you didnt try to make the most of the holiday too? is this friend always like this when it comes to outings and such? it is possible that your friend just didnt know they were leaving you out as you didnt communicate that to them on the trip. your friends not right for leaving you out but at the same time did you try involving yourself?

Reply 2

Zarek

It’s sounds like the friendship has cooled. You could either talk it through and try to get things back on track or just move to acquaintance status and search out better friends. I would follow your instincts on what’s best to do

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

You could agree to go to their birthday. Don't pay anything upfront. 10 minutes before, you go out with a "friend" instead. Even if that friend is a set of text books / laptop with you sitting down to get an assignment out of the way. 😇
Or you could decide that you're not going to descend to their level.
Either way is fine.

The behaviour of your friend on that trip was breath-takingly rude.
You should cease to take them and their friendship seriously. Anything they say to you, take with a pinch of salt. Don't make any plans based around what they say they will do. Assume they will let you down. And if they don't, treat it as a bonus.
Keep him or her in your social circle. Consider them ejected from your inner most social circle. Nobody treats you like that and remains as one of your 5 closest friends.

There's no point in you discussing this with them. As I can't see how it could be done in a positive way with a positive outcome.
A better way to do it is to give a higher priority to you spending time with other people. Even if that other person is just yourself and your own company. This will result in you more and more not doing stuff with Rude Friend. And you doing other stuff instead. You don't need to justify nor qualify yourself to them over this. Nor to apologise. Just start saying "No" to them more and more. Till they are relegated to your mid to outer social circle.

In the meantime get yourself out there and get yourself plenty of new friends. Uni is the best place in the world to make new friends. And to practise your social skills.