Can someone mark this Macbeth paragraph- tell me what I need to do better please.

Guilt, is presented through the individual, Macbeth, where guilt is portrayed as the catalyst for his downfall. To first understand guilt, Shakespeare introduces Macbeths hamartia to be his ambition for power, which ultimately leads him to his tragic death.
After the tragic murder of King Duncan, it is clear Macbeth's psychological wellbeing decays as a dire result of his ambition- Macbeth, following the murder, cries to his wife, "Will All Great Neptune's Oceans wash this blood clean from my hands?". His cry for help serves as a teaching to the audience of the suffering that will originate as a result of such an unforgivable sin. The terms, "Water" which represents purity, and 'Blood" which is a motif for chaos and sin, contradict themselves showing how Macbeth is facing an internal psychological battle with himself between what is morally right and what is morally unlawful. This relates to christian teachings as Macbeth whom had committed regicide and thus, disrupted the natural orders of Kings, insinuates how God cannot cleanse the sacrilegious stain of regicide upon Macbeth, leaving him paranoid and guilty. Furthermore, many religious audiences may comprehend the hidden message Shakespeare had intended to leave- the fact that Macbeth cries out to "Neptune", the roman God of Sea, and not to the christian idea of 'God' further highlights how Macbeth is so desperate for anyone of power to save him, yet its clear that 'Neptune' the God of Sea, cannot provide any water to cleanse him, despite having an abundance. This can be used as an extended metaphor that God is wrathful and will no longer guide Macbeth. This is used by Shakespeare in a way to warn audiences of what can occur if they choose to undergo regicide, installing fear into them- it can be argued as far as that Shakespeare had embedded this into the play to prevent anymore 'Gunpowder Plots' on James I to please him.

Reply 1

nikiiiiiii

Original post by Azra!!!!

Hey! hopefully this helps. I've given some feedback throughout the paragraph and some at the end. I'm assuming the question was about guilt.
Guilt, is presented through the individual, Macbeth, where guilt is portrayed as the catalyst for his downfall. To first understand guilt, Shakespeare introduces Macbeths hamartia to be his ambition for power, which ultimately leads him to his tragic death. (good use of technical vocab, but this point doesn't seem connected, even though I know what you mean. Maybe reword it to say that his ambition leads to guilt to make sure you are connecting all your points to the question)
After the tragic murder of King Duncan, it is clear Macbeth's psychological wellbeing decays as a dire result of his ambition- Macbeth, following the murder, cries to his wife, "Will All Great Neptune's Oceans wash this blood clean from my hands?". His cry for help serves as a teaching to the audience of the suffering that will originate as a result of such an unforgivable sin. The terms, "Water" which represents purity, and 'Blood" which is a motif for chaos and sin, contradict themselves showing how Macbeth is facing an internal psychological battle with himself between what is morally right and what is morally unlawful.(good zoomed in analysis however make sure the words your analysing are actually in the quote) This relates to christian teachings as Macbeth whom (who) had committed regicide and thus, disrupted the natural orders of Kings, insinuates how God cannot cleanse the sacrilegious stain of regicide upon Macbeth, (good context however I don't see how you got from the quote to God, as the quote mentions Neptune instead, as you state later. Perhaps this point could go further in the paragraph after you analyse the use of Neptune instead of God)leaving him paranoid and guilty. Furthermore, many religious audiences may comprehend the hidden message Shakespeare had intended to leave (I don't like this wording - it's too sure. We don't know what Shakespeare intended, we can only speculate. Add a 'perhaps' in there) the fact that Macbeth cries out to "Neptune", the roman God of Sea, and not to the christian idea of 'God' further highlights how Macbeth is so desperate for anyone of power to save him, yet its clear that 'Neptune' the God of Sea, cannot provide any water to cleanse him, despite having an abundance. This can be used as an extended metaphor that God is wrathful and will no longer guide Macbeth. (it's not an extended metaphor, but it is a theme)This is used by Shakespeare in a way to warn audiences of what can occur if they choose to undergo regicide, installing fear into them (through showing Macbeth's desperation and guilt - always link back to the question at the end of the paragraph to show the examiner you're not going off on unrelated tangents) - it can be argued as far as that Shakespeare had embedded this into the play to prevent anymore 'Gunpowder Plots' on James I to please him. (good context)
Generally, your analysis is good and you're ideas are clear and relevant however I think you need a bit more, as well as structuring your points in a way that makes your thought process more easy to follow. For example, your analysis about God abandoning Macbeth and him having to turn to a Roman deity out of desperation is great, however it could be improved by shuffling round your points a bit as I pointed out, to make sure you're introducing the idea of God and how the quote shows that before analysing it. Also, adding in another quote that highlights your point would be great - I would use "Amen stuck in my throat" right after your point about God being wrathful to show how Macbeth has lost the privilege of prayer/God's assistance.
Also, I think mentioning his hamartia in the opening was unnecessary as you don't go into his ambition on detail in the paragraph, focusing more on the aftermath and his guilt so it just feels out of place.
Overall this is great analysis though and you definitely know the text well.