Hello, I am a year 12 student, 16 years old. My GCSE grades were 777 666 555 3 (English language resit -> 777 6666 555)
This could come across as a vent or rant but idk, bear with me i guess
Near the end of year 11, before I did my exams and got my results, I got the chance to apply for college and choose my subjects.
I chose A level maths, computer science, and business studies, after about an hour or so of thinking. I did not really have a goal or career in mind, as I didn't really know
what to do with my life.
When September and October came along, I soon came to realise that I really did not like Business studies and asked to get it swapped for another subject. However it was already nearing november when I asked this.. so I was told that subject changes were closed for the year (it was too late).
Just for the first few weeks I did a decent amount of maths and business work. But soon after i realised that I was not doing any work whatsoever.. zero work. Also zero work done during computer science.
Every lesson I would be on my phone texting in this group chat i really liked or i was zoning out. The importance of A-levels didn't cross my mind, due to my own immaturity.
I would have the book in front of me with an empty page out, with a phone in my hand. If a teacher came up to me or asked me anything I would put on a facade that I'm doing fine and I'm actually doing the work, when I wasn't.
It shocked me how I had all that free time and I squandered it all like it was nothing. As the time passed on and the we approached winter holidays, I could've used that time to catch up and do my work. However I got presented with my first ever opportunity to do a part-time job. I could've denied it, but I took it on because I wanted to experience it for the first time. I spent most of my winter holidays working and the little free days I had at the end, I was occupying myself with watching shows and doing things I enjoyed.
Then came in January and February. My behaviour of not working at all continued. I did not open a single revision book when I was home, nor did any assignment, or homework. I would stay up very late at night on my phone and talk in the group chats i had fun talking in, in addition to wasting my time on social media. Then I would have to wake up early, getting terrible sleep. I hated this, so I unhealthily adopted the habit of marking myself absent every time I was faced with this. I could easily avoid the stress of going to lectures with a click of a button on my school timetable website, by self-marking as absent. One instance of it would turn into me skiving college multiple times a week. It became a habit and my attendance completely tanked, however I never told my parents or teachers that I falsely marked myself absent. Part of me feels like I did not want to go to lectures due to the fact that I had to face my incompetency as well.
The head staff of my college would then be notified by my unnatural frequency of absences and then flag a cause for concern, so there was a meeting including me, my parents, my tutor and the head staff. They emphasised the importance of attendance and reviewed my statistics, and they set a goal for me to attend every lesson. And so I did, I started going to every lesson for the next month.. but that wouldn't really change anything because I had the behaviour of not doing anything in class.
The gap in knowledge that I had compared to the content I was expected to be caught up to increased exponentially, especially Maths and Computer Science. And before I knew it, whenever I stared at the board it felt like the question I was looking at was completely alien to me. Like some language I did not understand. I could've tried my best but it made it harder to even motivate myself to start studying at that point. Because what was the point? It's so late that the work I needed to catch up to was insurmountable. I kept telling myself that when I get home I'll try my utmost to lock the **** in, in some magical way. But nothing happened. I always had my behaviour and habits of being on social media all day and being idle. Everytime I had a major maths test I knew I would abysmally fail and get a U, so I just marked myself absent on the day of the assessment.
Just the thought of careers, university, UCAS points, applications, aspirations, A-levels, mocks, what I wanted to do for a living, jobs and everything that relating to it made me so exasperated inside my head. I wanted to actively avoid thinking about it even though it should've been the most important thing to me. I don't any direction, or dream job, or career aspiration. I don't know what I want to do with myself for the future, its all just so boring and a hassle to think about. So I think this was a factor too, I just did not have a big driving factor regarding the bigger picture of my academic and career life. The maths and computer science lectures became alien to me, especially with the increasing gap of knowledge. Business Studies was just boring as hell. Since it was all hopeless, it felt way better to distract myself by pulling out my phone. It made me feel better in the short term.
I don't want to dilute the fact that I'm at fault, but I think the nature of the college setting is kinda my weakness. Everyone's meant to be seen as adults, so we can easily pull our phones out and text for a bit if we need to, or walk out of the classroom, or bring out a laptop. The environment isn't really strict at all and it's kinda relaxing. Nothing really stops me from being on my phone and avoiding work the entire lesson, and if the lecturer picks me, I just say I'm not sure. Plus, the lectures and learning time we have at college is really short — only 1-3 hours a day. The rest of the time should be, or is supposed to, be dedicated to home/independent learning. You know, the whole notion that we're treated as adults and we have autonomy. I just took all that freedom and did nothing with it. I heard sixth forms lean more towards the school setting/environment, but I dunno.
The months of the new year rolled by so, so quickly. All that and I've learned absolutely nothing. I'm a year 12 student and I have my year 1 mock exams for all 3 of my subjects in a few days, and they determine my university choices, my UCAS points, and whether I go into year 2 or not. And based on the position I'm in right now, I'm on track to get a U on all 3 of the exams. Maybe I could clutch and somehow get an E, but it seems pointless. I was thinking that if I was given another chance and I went back in time, I would perhaps change my subject choices and actually spent time studying and revising, alot, and aspire to get straight As. I think if I had the chance, I would want to be ambitious and take on 4 A-levels? Since I have no idea what to do, I kind of want to be an all-rounder and these subjects actually interest me: Maths, Biology, English Literature, Computer Science(?). I think if I heavily heavily put my mind to it and disregarded everything unnecessary away, since I'm pressured into doing alot of work, and if I lock in for every second of the year, I think achieving good grades would be possible.
So, is it possible for me to retake year 1/year 12, and make it so I can have different subjects? And 4 A levels at that? Specifically being Maths, Biology English Lit and Computer science. I can take biology since I got 6. Would the college allow me? Since they saw that I (probably) failed this years exams, maybe they wouldn't allow me to be daring and take these 4 A-levels? If they said I can only take 3, I'd take english lit off probably, but idk. It depends if they even allow me to retake year 1. If I get stuck into doing year 2, in which I absolutely hate the trajectory I'm on, I think I would get like zero university offers right? Isn't it the best option for me right now to retake year 1?
Can i get advice?