Macbeth Essay - marks?

Hi so i wrote this essay and its about 1 and a half page which im aware is very short for a 30 mark question but could someone mark it and give me some general feedback as well as how to write/plan faster? Thankss :smile:

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In this extract, Shakespeare presents Macbeth and Banquo as two characters who begin in the same situation yet lead very different, contrasting lives. Macbeth is shown to trust the witches, with an unwavering belief which eventually leads to his demise compared with Banquo who is shown to be rational and understands the equivocation of the witches early on in the play. This leads the audience to be urged not to feel sympathy for Macbeth by showing that the witches were not the sole reason for his regicide since Banquo was also in the same position yet maintained his loyalty to Duncan.
In this extract, Banquo is shown as intelligent and cautious. He immediately realises that the witches do not wish him well but rather to "win us to our harm". The use of "us" shows Banquo's warning is not just for Macbeth but for the wider audience to understand the importance of staying clear-headed and not easily influenced. Contrastingly, Macbeth fails to recognise the evil intent behind the prophecies and is confused: "cannot be ill, cannot be good". The anaphora shows the confusion in Macbeth's judgement regarding the witches. Furthermore, Macbeth is immediately tempted by his evil desire to kill Duncan. "My thought, whose murder yet is but fantastical" suggests that Macbeth may have previously imagined committing regicide to become the next king since the word "fantastical" is similar to how one would describe their future dreams and goals. This highlights the notion that even though both Banquo and Macbeth were given prophecies, Macbeth already had inner "deep and dark desires" which may previously have been difficult to imagine but due to the witches' intervention, now became more possible and realistic to Macbeth compared to Banquo who did not previously have more evil desires so could not be manipulated as easily which tempts him further. However, it is important to note that Banquo is also tempted by the witches shown in the line "restrain me these cursed thoughts"
which makes it clear that Banquo is also struggling to maintain his loyalty. This struggle humanises Banquo to the audience and makes him seem more noble. Banquo could have been present in such a positive way to flatter King James I since he was believed to be a descendant of Banquo. This quote is also shown to be God-fearing and pious since when he has these "cursed thoughts" he turns to God to "restrain" him rather than indulging his desires like Macbeth. However, it could be argued that it may be easier for Banquo to remain loyal since Banquo's prophecies were much more vague than Macbeth's prophecies and Banquo could not directly take actions to ensure they came true. On the other hand, Banquo is clearly a character used as a foil to Macbeth to show that resisting evil is difficult yet possible.

Reply 1

nikiiiiiii

You have some good points, analysis, and context here but to get a higher grade here are some tips:

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use more tentative language (perhaps, may, suggests, implies, could show), as currently you are too assertive. Show the examiner that you know this is just your interpretation of the text, and there are other ways to see it. Eg. you state that Banquo turns to God, but in the quote he talks to "merciful powers" - this could be God but that is just one interpretation.

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explain your points more. You have some great relevant quotes her but they are not analysed enough. you need to prove the points you are making and prove that the quotes you are using back up those points. How is Banquo's quote a warning, how does it show he is clear-headed and intelligent. How is "fantastical" similar to how people describe their goals. Always ask yourself how a quote tells us something about a character/theme, not just what it shows.

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you use good technical vocab, but for some extra points, whenever you are zooming into a word try to state what type of word it is. So, instead of writing "the use of "us" shows", you write "the use of the plural pronoun "us" shows"

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I think some more organisation would make your points more clear. currently it seems like you didn't have much of a plan, so make sure you spend a good amount of time planning your response. Try to have around 3 distinct points in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph starting with a topic sentence summarising the point of the paragraph, and ending with a link back to the question. This will allow you to go deeper into the analysis of each point and will make your argument more clear. Also, I'm not sure what the question was and I should be able to tell just from the essay so make sure you keep refering back to the question.

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finally, put your quotes into context. You have some good embedded quotes in here, but it's important when introducing a quote to show where in the text it's from/what the context surrounding it is. this is especially important if you bring in a quote from a completely different scene than the one you have been talking about, like with your last quote. Something as simple as "later in the play" is fine to add some context around the quote.

Hope this helps

Reply 2

amal549

thank you thats really helpful advice. I forgot to include the question which was How does shakepseare present macbeth and banquos attitudes towards the supernatural!

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