SO dancing with another guy
A few months back my partner went clubbing with a friend (same gender) and another one of their friends (opposite gender) and ended up starting to dance with them. SO didn’t say to stop or that they weren’t interested because they told me that they would’ve rather danced than deal with the awkward situation. SO said they didn’t enjoy it but made it clear they chose to still dance with them out of their own choice because SO didn’t want to make it awkward. For the longest time I have been on SO side because they didn’t actually like it but the thing is that they have reiterated to me that they just didn’t say anything to stop because it was awkward and they had the choice to if they wanted.
This was a few months ago and I’m not sure how to feel about this and would like some help navigating my emotions. I want to make it clear I’m on SO side but I’m completely unsure whether this could have passed the boundaries of our relationship. I’m not accusing them of anything, I’m just wondering what people in my situation would think. Any help is very appreciated because it feels like a bit of a complex issue.
This was a few months ago and I’m not sure how to feel about this and would like some help navigating my emotions. I want to make it clear I’m on SO side but I’m completely unsure whether this could have passed the boundaries of our relationship. I’m not accusing them of anything, I’m just wondering what people in my situation would think. Any help is very appreciated because it feels like a bit of a complex issue.
Reply 1
Are you saying your partner danced with someone and you are upset? If so, why? I’m confused.
Reply 2
You already made this thread the other week and got lots of opinions which mostly told you you were overreacting and to let it go. How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it's simply trying to control and patronise them. It really isn't a complex issue.
Reply 3
Original post
by StriderHortYou already made this thread the other week and got lots of opinions which mostly told you you were overreacting and to let it go. How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it's simply trying to control and patronise them. It really isn't a complex issue.
I brought it up very carefully and with them as priority, and they agreed that they should’ve stopped it something because it’s clearly against the boundaries of our relationship.
“How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it’s simply trying to control and patronise them”. These are our boundaries we have set in our relationship, it’s respectful and important to adhere to these especially if we both agree on them. This past one of them boundaries and they agreed. I’ve been very careful and my SO is priority, I just think the issue with you understanding my issue comes from you not understanding our boundaries, because this is an example of where they haven’t enforced them.
I’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousAre you saying your partner danced with someone and you are upset? If so, why? I’m confused.
To be clear, my girlfriend was dancing very close with a guy, some touching.
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI brought it up very carefully and with them as priority, and they agreed that they should’ve stopped it something because it’s clearly against the boundaries of our relationship.
“How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it’s simply trying to control and patronise them”. These are our boundaries we have set in our relationship, it’s respectful and important to adhere to these especially if we both agree on them. This past one of them boundaries and they agreed. I’ve been very careful and my SO is priority, I just think the issue with you understanding my issue comes from you not understanding our boundaries, because this is an example of where they haven’t enforced them.
I’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
“How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it’s simply trying to control and patronise them”. These are our boundaries we have set in our relationship, it’s respectful and important to adhere to these especially if we both agree on them. This past one of them boundaries and they agreed. I’ve been very careful and my SO is priority, I just think the issue with you understanding my issue comes from you not understanding our boundaries, because this is an example of where they haven’t enforced them.
I’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
Does this agreement about boundaries cover the exact circumstances and methods used to enforce them tho? I doubt it and this has been the whole point no? It's not that the guy danced with her, you can't accept how she choose to socially handle it. I'm kinda stating the obvious here, but girls have a different view of a lot of these situations than men do, ie men are generally never in danger and tend not to see the issue.
You've already brought it up with them, you've been obviously moping about it for weeks and you're still nursing a sense of disappointment in them. Get. Over. It. or you will ruin your relationship. Like you came here for advice, you spoke to them about it, now you're here for the same advice again, what further magic thing is it going to take for you to draw a line under it?
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousI brought it up very carefully and with them as priority, and they agreed that they should’ve stopped it something because it’s clearly against the boundaries of our relationship.
“How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it’s simply trying to control and patronise them”. These are our boundaries we have set in our relationship, it’s respectful and important to adhere to these especially if we both agree on them. This past one of them boundaries and they agreed. I’ve been very careful and my SO is priority, I just think the issue with you understanding my issue comes from you not understanding our boundaries, because this is an example of where they haven’t enforced them.
I’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
“How people choose to enforce their boundaries is ultimately for them to decide, not you, and past a point it’s simply trying to control and patronise them”. These are our boundaries we have set in our relationship, it’s respectful and important to adhere to these especially if we both agree on them. This past one of them boundaries and they agreed. I’ve been very careful and my SO is priority, I just think the issue with you understanding my issue comes from you not understanding our boundaries, because this is an example of where they haven’t enforced them.
I’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
That last sentence is woefully condescending.
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousI’m not annoyed with them or angry, I am mainly just disappointed for their own sake.
Original post
by ageshallnotThat last sentence is woefully condescending.
That's a much more measured way of putting it than I would have managed. OP, the fact that your drive seems to be to make your other half more disappointed in their own actions, or to be aware of and acknowledge your disappointment in them is a massive red flag. That's not how relationships work. You are the problem here.
Reply 8
Original post
by Crazy JamieThat's a much more measured way of putting it than I would have managed. OP, the fact that your drive seems to be to make your other half more disappointed in their own actions, or to be aware of and acknowledge your disappointment in them is a massive red flag. That's not how relationships work. You are the problem here.
Yes, indeed.
Reply 9
Original post
by Crazy JamieThat's a much more measured way of putting it than I would have managed. OP, the fact that your drive seems to be to make your other half more disappointed in their own actions, or to be aware of and acknowledge your disappointment in them is a massive red flag. That's not how relationships work. You are the problem here.
Pretty much, OP can either make peace with it and trust their partner to handle situations themselves or break up, trying to pick a middle option where you remain in perpetual superior judgement is a total d*** move and arguably worse than any amount of dance misunderstanding .
Reply 10
13
You said ur not accusing them of anything but only disappointed they crossed one of the set boundaries which is fair enough and from what i read it looks like yll communicated about it and they agreed to crossing the boundary (probably apologised too)
My question is now what to do want?, clearly you’re not over it if this is the second time you posted this situation for advice.
Ik it’s annoying and unfair but relationships always tend to have issues, its good that yll discussed but you not making terms with it makes it look like you’re trying to find a reason to leave your partner by using this situation as a disguise.
My question is now what to do want?, clearly you’re not over it if this is the second time you posted this situation for advice.
Ik it’s annoying and unfair but relationships always tend to have issues, its good that yll discussed but you not making terms with it makes it look like you’re trying to find a reason to leave your partner by using this situation as a disguise.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Last night at club
- Liverpool Hope Subject of the week: Drama
- GYG Announcement 24/25 - Your Winners!
- I'm applying for Black Heart Foundation for the Arts is this a good personal statment
- GSA or Urdang for MT?
- Millennium Performing Arts
- Lets party
- Am i overthinking about great fun night with co-worker?
- guys what do i do? - party
- Royal Welsh
- Mature student - Liverpool Hope
- What does this comment mean?
- I need help with girls
- wsp yalls
- University of Warwick circling
- Lancaster - Are you applying for 2025? Then read!
- Invited to parties but not sure what to do at them
- Advice needed from people who didn’t go to university
- Guildford accom
- Last Person to Post an Emoji Here Wins!
Latest
Trending
Last reply 2 months ago
What food item are you currently craving?Last reply 4 months ago
Domino's pizza personal size vs small sizeLast reply 5 months ago
Am I the only one who hates holidays especially the summer holidays?Last reply 7 months ago
Anyone else been out of work for 9 years in a row?Last reply 7 months ago
parents wont let me take the course i want to takeLast reply 7 months ago
How do I tell my instructor I don't want lessons with her anymore?Last reply 7 months ago
Where can I find good-quality alternatives to luxury fashion clothing?
How The Student Room is moderated
To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.
