Housemate and relationships
20
Background:
- I live in a large household with 5 housemates. One is a head of the house which is more of a legal responsibility for the rent and bills. No other real power of government or anything. Since May 10th I will be the head of the household.
- I am bi and poly.
- We have an unwritten rule of no relationships with housemates. It's been like that for years. You can move in with a partner and the household may want to discuss the bill share but it won't count as you are in a relationship with a housemate. However, if you are in a relationship with a housemate and it doesn't work it may harm the household so we decided that it'd be better not to have a relationship with a housemate.
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I'm in a relationship with a girl now. The best relationship I ever had. Won't say it is perfect, but it is the best. We want to sort of move together to my room. More like having her stuff there, giving her keys and maybe even share the bills but not officially completely move in. She doesn't really like the idea of a household community. She gets along well with everyone, even with the other guy we have mutual attraction. She knows I'm bi and poly and seems to be OK with it. We talked about it and she says like "I've never been in a relationship like that so I don't know if I'm OK with that, but the idea seems to be fine right now."
I really appreciate the honesty of her, she accepts more the idea of me having another partner than the idea of living in a household, yet she is ready to try both.
The idea of a household is something we can change later. I mean if she will not be OK with it she can always return to her place. The problem with having another relationship is very different and difficult.
The problem with the household is that I won't be able to move out for another year. We are ready to wait one more year to move in together if the household thing will not work. We discussed all that and we have backup plans.
The relationship with the guy seems to be something with a lot of potential problems, however, we talked about it and will talk about it again next week all of us.
The guy is very nice and I like male attention from him. I like him in a very close friend way. We haven't done anything sexual but we do cuddle a lot and we are very close friends.
Ever since I have a relationship he acts more childish than usually. He teases me in a childish way that can actually hurt a bit (sort of PTSD). He doesn't realize that. I know it is jealousy and he is craving for more attention from me. He still really cares and if I'm hurt he immediately apologizes and talk about it.
We want to discuss the option for a relationship and how we act if it doesn't work, but his childish jealousy is a major red flag. I may be over-reacting about it because he is acting pretty mature if things not going well... like he makes a joke and I'm hurt so he apologizes and talks and tries to improve but still... I really doubt sometimes that he will react well if our relationship doesn't work and I doubt we could stay friends or housemates afterwards...
We want to discuss it all the household together.
I'm traveling to the UK and Italy later this month so we won't have much time to make a decision. I don't want to be the head of the house if I will have to leave next year. I don't want to be the reason one of the guys can leave and it will destroy the whole household. I'd rather leave the household now and try that relationship outside of the household and see how it works. But I don't want to leave the household and no one else really can be the head of the household now... like I'm unfortunately the best fit for that role....
I hate being in this situation....
- I live in a large household with 5 housemates. One is a head of the house which is more of a legal responsibility for the rent and bills. No other real power of government or anything. Since May 10th I will be the head of the household.
- I am bi and poly.
- We have an unwritten rule of no relationships with housemates. It's been like that for years. You can move in with a partner and the household may want to discuss the bill share but it won't count as you are in a relationship with a housemate. However, if you are in a relationship with a housemate and it doesn't work it may harm the household so we decided that it'd be better not to have a relationship with a housemate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm in a relationship with a girl now. The best relationship I ever had. Won't say it is perfect, but it is the best. We want to sort of move together to my room. More like having her stuff there, giving her keys and maybe even share the bills but not officially completely move in. She doesn't really like the idea of a household community. She gets along well with everyone, even with the other guy we have mutual attraction. She knows I'm bi and poly and seems to be OK with it. We talked about it and she says like "I've never been in a relationship like that so I don't know if I'm OK with that, but the idea seems to be fine right now."
I really appreciate the honesty of her, she accepts more the idea of me having another partner than the idea of living in a household, yet she is ready to try both.
The idea of a household is something we can change later. I mean if she will not be OK with it she can always return to her place. The problem with having another relationship is very different and difficult.
The problem with the household is that I won't be able to move out for another year. We are ready to wait one more year to move in together if the household thing will not work. We discussed all that and we have backup plans.
The relationship with the guy seems to be something with a lot of potential problems, however, we talked about it and will talk about it again next week all of us.
The guy is very nice and I like male attention from him. I like him in a very close friend way. We haven't done anything sexual but we do cuddle a lot and we are very close friends.
Ever since I have a relationship he acts more childish than usually. He teases me in a childish way that can actually hurt a bit (sort of PTSD). He doesn't realize that. I know it is jealousy and he is craving for more attention from me. He still really cares and if I'm hurt he immediately apologizes and talk about it.
We want to discuss the option for a relationship and how we act if it doesn't work, but his childish jealousy is a major red flag. I may be over-reacting about it because he is acting pretty mature if things not going well... like he makes a joke and I'm hurt so he apologizes and talks and tries to improve but still... I really doubt sometimes that he will react well if our relationship doesn't work and I doubt we could stay friends or housemates afterwards...
We want to discuss it all the household together.
I'm traveling to the UK and Italy later this month so we won't have much time to make a decision. I don't want to be the head of the house if I will have to leave next year. I don't want to be the reason one of the guys can leave and it will destroy the whole household. I'd rather leave the household now and try that relationship outside of the household and see how it works. But I don't want to leave the household and no one else really can be the head of the household now... like I'm unfortunately the best fit for that role....
I hate being in this situation....
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