GCSE English Language: Paper 2, Question 5

Could please someone have a look at my essay? I would love any feedback or level you think I would get. Thanks!

'Be careful!'
'Don't climb that!'
'It's too dangerous!'
Ah yes - the classic warnings echoing from our well-meaning parents. I am sure Gen Z will agree with me when I say our parents today can be a little overbearing (overprotective) and maybe even a bit paranoid (sorry mum and dad!). Today more than ever, it is believed that parents are unknowingly raising a generation that is unprepared for the messy, insane, pandemonious challenges life will chuck at them! In the world that demands resilience, adaptability and determination, our parents need to pop the bubble wrap!
Do you think we fear by nature or is it something nurtured into us? According to BrightMind Psychology's report on child development, 77% of parents believe fear is in their child's DNA, not something they taught them. The twist is that children are not born fearing spiders, a bad grade on that maths test or even the dark!
Dr Allen McLarren, a world leading psychologist, conducted an experiment with 10 children aged 2-4 and 20 teens aged 13-16 where he triggered their adrenaline, the hormone that triggers fear. Of course, the 2-4-year-olds felt more fear, I hear you say! Well, the finding is! A staggering 10 out of 20 children simply laughed at the stimuli. Why? They had not been taught what to fear. Out of 20 teens, 2 appeared unfazed as some of them didn't want to expose their anxiety or have grown from previous experiences. What about the rest? Many had their heart rates sky rocket through the roof at 102 bpm and some even began to sweat or shake!
The truth is simple: if a child is raised to fear they will live in fear. Now let me be clear. I am not at all claiming that instead of raising fearless kids by avoiding fear, we teach them that fears are meant to be faced and that we can adapt (not be totally okay, let me be totally clear. I am not at all suggesting to toss your 5-years-old son into a lake of piranhas or throw your 15-years-old daughter into a cage of hyenas just because they are afraid of swimming or animals. What I'm advocating for is to allow children to face manageable risks and to learn from them, rather than packaging them in bubblewrap.
Real growth will never happen when a child is safe, still and sheltered. Real growth happens when they stumble, struggle and stagger on. The truth is, parents won't always be there; they can't. So wouldn't you want to foster a flourishing future?
I remember at age 5 on a warm summer's day in the late afternoon that I had enough. I was sick of the training wheels on my bike and wanted to ride my bike without the "help" of some plastic. I begged my parents to remove them. Hesitantly, they did, and guided me to stay balanced at first. Gosh, let me tell you, I was grinning from ear to ear. I felt as free as a bird escaping its cage, until then, I fell off. A bit hard but instead of my parents panicking, they helped me up, adjusted my helmet, encouraged me to try again and I did. Until it got dark, I repeatedly fell off. I was bruised, sore and exhausted but I was determined. That day, I finally rode my bike without those training wheels! I was thrilled but more importantly, I learnt falling is not as dangerous as it seems. My bruises healed fast but I learnt a new life skill for the rest of my life too. If my parents stopped me when I fell, would I have grown? If I had been taught to fear pain, I would have missed the freedom that came with learning to balance on my own two wheels!
Some parents believe that coddling their child is the ultimate way to show love, affection and care. After all, your child is your most treasured possession - someone you would go to any lengths to protect and shield them. Would you still agree even if anxiety is the price they may have to pay?
According to Philips Psychology Institute, children who are overly coddled are 4x more likely to experience anxiety and depression in their teenage years. Many gen zers and even millennials will agree that your teenage years are probably the best. I mean not worrying about bills, forming friendships, imagining your life goals, sounds great in comparison to adult-hood! However, coddled kids who suffer from anxiety are more likely to experience academic stress, peer pressure and even consume too much social media.
Of course, you're allowed to love your child but if love means shielding them from bruises, failures and falls, are you preparing them for the world or shielding them? Overprotection can cause anxiety - the very thing you're shielding them from.
Allowing your child to spread their wings and fly can be daunting, I swear we and many other parents can relate. Ultimately, we want all young people to grow into engaged, independent and confident members of society, and we can do this by letting our guard down. Let your kids be kids!
It's a bit cringe but hope I can get some good feedback!!

This would definitely get amazing marks and the only things I can think to point out are little "mistakes" eg. not closing a bracket, getting muddled stats, repeating the phrase "let me be clear" in the next sentence ~ however I'm the sure the marker would understand these to be part of exam pressure and not take marks anyway. The only other thing is that it's unclear what sort of essay you're writing (an article?) as it reads as witty but slightly informal (not necessarily in a bad way!) ~ for example using "I swear" in the last paragraph doesn't read as an article.

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Could please someone have a look at my essay? I would love any feedback or level you think I would get. Thanks! 'Be careful!'
'Don't climb that!'
'It's too dangerous!'
Ah yes - the classic warnings echoing from our well-meaning parents. I am sure Gen Z will agree with me when I say our parents today can be a little overbearing (overprotective) and maybe even a bit paranoid (sorry mum and dad!). Today more than ever, it is believed that parents are unknowingly raising a generation that is unprepared for the messy, insane, pandemonious challenges life will chuck at them! In the world that demands resilience, adaptability and determination, our parents need to pop the bubble wrap!
Do you think we fear by nature or is it something nurtured into us? According to BrightMind Psychology's report on child development, 77% of parents believe fear is in their child's DNA, not something they taught them. The twist is that children are not born fearing spiders, a bad grade on that maths test or even the dark!
Dr Allen McLarren, a world leading psychologist, conducted an experiment with 10 children aged 2-4 and 20 teens aged 13-16 where he triggered their adrenaline, the hormone that triggers fear. Of course, the 2-4-year-olds felt more fear, I hear you say! Well, the finding is! A staggering 10 out of 20 children simply laughed at the stimuli. Why? They had not been taught what to fear. Out of 20 teens, 2 appeared unfazed as some of them didn't want to expose their anxiety or have grown from previous experiences. What about the rest? Many had their heart rates sky rocket through the roof at 102 bpm and some even began to sweat or shake!
The truth is simple: if a child is raised to fear they will live in fear. Now let me be clear. I am not at all claiming that instead of raising fearless kids by avoiding fear, we teach them that fears are meant to be faced and that we can adapt (not be totally okay, let me be totally clear. I am not at all suggesting to toss your 5-years-old son into a lake of piranhas or throw your 15-years-old daughter into a cage of hyenas just because they are afraid of swimming or animals. What I'm advocating for is to allow children to face manageable risks and to learn from them, rather than packaging them in bubblewrap.
Real growth will never happen when a child is safe, still and sheltered. Real growth happens when they stumble, struggle and stagger on. The truth is, parents won't always be there; they can't. So wouldn't you want to foster a flourishing future?
I remember at age 5 on a warm summer's day in the late afternoon that I had enough. I was sick of the training wheels on my bike and wanted to ride my bike without the "help" of some plastic. I begged my parents to remove them. Hesitantly, they did, and guided me to stay balanced at first. Gosh, let me tell you, I was grinning from ear to ear. I felt as free as a bird escaping its cage, until then, I fell off. A bit hard but instead of my parents panicking, they helped me up, adjusted my helmet, encouraged me to try again and I did. Until it got dark, I repeatedly fell off. I was bruised, sore and exhausted but I was determined. That day, I finally rode my bike without those training wheels! I was thrilled but more importantly, I learnt falling is not as dangerous as it seems. My bruises healed fast but I learnt a new life skill for the rest of my life too. If my parents stopped me when I fell, would I have grown? If I had been taught to fear pain, I would have missed the freedom that came with learning to balance on my own two wheels!
Some parents believe that coddling their child is the ultimate way to show love, affection and care. After all, your child is your most treasured possession - someone you would go to any lengths to protect and shield them. Would you still agree even if anxiety is the price they may have to pay?
According to Philips Psychology Institute, children who are overly coddled are 4x more likely to experience anxiety and depression in their teenage years. Many gen zers and even millennials will agree that your teenage years are probably the best. I mean not worrying about bills, forming friendships, imagining your life goals, sounds great in comparison to adult-hood! However, coddled kids who suffer from anxiety are more likely to experience academic stress, peer pressure and even consume too much social media.
Of course, you're allowed to love your child but if love means shielding them from bruises, failures and falls, are you preparing them for the world or shielding them? Overprotection can cause anxiety - the very thing you're shielding them from.
Allowing your child to spread their wings and fly can be daunting, I swear we and many other parents can relate. Ultimately, we want all young people to grow into engaged, independent and confident members of society, and we can do this by letting our guard down. Let your kids be kids!
It's a bit cringe but hope I can get some good feedback!!

Hey Laiba, this was such a refreshing and emotionally honest read! Your voice comes through so clearly—funny, bold, and passionate. The topic is super relatable too, especially for Gen Z students trying to balance independence and parental pressure. I loved the mix of personal anecdote and research—it gives your argument both heart and credibility. If you're looking to improve it further, maybe tighten a few sentences and clarify the paragraph around Dr. McLarren’s study (it got a bit tangled). But honestly? This is strong work. Well done!
Amelia_Ford

If you ever need help, reach out to me on fiverr.com/amelia_ashf