Macbeth theme of guilt essay edexcel gcse

Hello, this is my guilt planned essay. Please could someone mark it and give me feedback, Out of 20 and please give me suggestions for improvement. Thank you.
William Shakespeare’s Macbeth is a dark tale of paranoia and power lust. Guilt is almost portrayed as a gift from god for redemption yet ambition is a toxic fuel which propels characters towards heinous acts fuelled by selfish desires.
The irresistible allure of ambition holds immense power which tempts individuals by leveraging desires but end up fading away into guilt. This is evident through Macbeth who’s regretting embracing overlapping ambition and questions himself”will all great neptunes ocean wash this blood clean from my hands?” The metaphor accentuates that the cleansing power of the ocean is ineffective and the stain of guilt is eternal, a facade of bravery crumbles as it festers with conscience. The metaphor of the blood staining the oceans encapsulates the enormity of his crime and the inescapable nature of guilt. The rhetorical question showcases Macbeth has realised of what he’s done and the magnitude of his actions. It serves as a poignant reminder of the consequences of unchecked ambition and heavy burden of guilt. The metaphor of neptunes oceans elucidate that no amount of water can remove the sacrilegious stain of regicide. The personal pronoun of “my” signifies that Macbeth is the architect of his downfall. This is a dichotomy to lady macbeths beliefs of “ a little water clears us” which emphasises how deeply Macbeth is affected.
As the archetypal Scottish play continues, lady Macbeth is presented to have undeniable mental instability which start to overwhelm her mind. Through the hyperbole “ all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand” it’s clear how lady Macbeth has been affected by her internal conflict of guilt. The reference to perfume underscores the depth of her guilt. Despite the most luxurious and fragrant substance, it cannot erase or mask the bloodshed associated with her actions. The reference of scent embodies her overwhelming remorse and how guilt is an intristic part of her identity now. The vastness of Arabias perfume highlights the futility of attempting to cover up her deeds. The verb “sweeten” exemplifies the inability of scent to sweeten her hand emphasising her loss of control. The adjective “little” denotes her tiny drop of innocence tainted by guilt and violence. The hyperbole signifies the permanent nature of guilt. Lady macbeths downfall has occurred due to her trying to disrupt the natural order and highlights the dangers of trying to defy established societal norms.

Hello, this is my guilt planned essay. Please could someone mark it and give me feedback, Out of 20 and please give me suggestions for improvement. Thank you.
William Shakespeare’s Macbeth is a dark tale of paranoia and power lust. Guilt is almost portrayed as a gift from god for redemption yet ambition is a toxic fuel which propels characters towards heinous acts fuelled by selfish desires.
The irresistible allure of ambition holds immense power which tempts individuals by leveraging desires but end up fading away into guilt. This is evident through Macbeth who’s regretting embracing overlapping ambition and questions himself”will all great neptunes ocean wash this blood clean from my hands?” The metaphor accentuates that the cleansing power of the ocean is ineffective and the stain of guilt is eternal, a facade of bravery crumbles as it festers with conscience. The metaphor of the blood staining the oceans encapsulates the enormity of his crime and the inescapable nature of guilt. The rhetorical question showcases Macbeth has realised of what he’s done and the magnitude of his actions. It serves as a poignant reminder of the consequences of unchecked ambition and heavy burden of guilt. The metaphor of neptunes oceans elucidate that no amount of water can remove the sacrilegious stain of regicide. The personal pronoun of “my” signifies that Macbeth is the architect of his downfall. This is a dichotomy to lady macbeths beliefs of “ a little water clears us” which emphasises how deeply Macbeth is affected.
As the archetypal Scottish play continues, lady Macbeth is presented to have undeniable mental instability which start to overwhelm her mind. Through the hyperbole “ all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand” it’s clear how lady Macbeth has been affected by her internal conflict of guilt. The reference to perfume underscores the depth of her guilt. Despite the most luxurious and fragrant substance, it cannot erase or mask the bloodshed associated with her actions. The reference of scent embodies her overwhelming remorse and how guilt is an intristic part of her identity now. The vastness of Arabias perfume highlights the futility of attempting to cover up her deeds. The verb “sweeten” exemplifies the inability of scent to sweeten her hand emphasising her loss of control. The adjective “little” denotes her tiny drop of innocence tainted by guilt and violence. The hyperbole signifies the permanent nature of guilt. Lady macbeths downfall has occurred due to her trying to disrupt the natural order and highlights the dangers of trying to defy established societal norms.

Hi. This essay clearly shows you have a good understanding of the characters, and you have some good analysis which is worded well. I cannot say how many marks this would get as I didn't do Edexcel, but I can give you some general tips that hopefully apply across exam boards.
I agree with the previous reply that not repeating phrases can make your writing flow better, but another improvement I suggest would be varying how you start sentences, as most of your sentences start with "the" or "this"
More importantly though, I think that there isn't enough analysis here as your two points and quotes are too similar. Both paragraphs boil down to: they cannot cleanse themselves of or hide the great guilt they carry. Also, half of your first paragraph is essentially you rewording the same thing 4 times in a row. Overall, this means you are repeating the same ideas when you could be exploring the theme further in a different direction (like lady M's sleepwalking, or the perpetual dark that engulfs Scotland) I think that zooming in more on different parts of the quotes would also help, as would picking quotes that show different points. For example, analysing the use of "Neptune" which could imply that since God cannot help Macbeth ("amen stuck in [his] throat"), he is desperately searching for any deity to aid him.
In your second paragraph I think your analysis of the word "sweeten" could be improved. Currently, your analysis isn't actually analysing the word it is summarising the quote, so the sentence in my opinion doesn't make sense as the word "sweeten" itself isn't showing all of that. Instead, you could write that the connotation of "sweet" could imply kindness or innocence if applied to a person, so Lady M wanting to "sweeten" her hand suggests that she wishes to hide her current unsweet guilty state. You zoom in on other quotes well, so I'd advise to just keep this is mind each time you analyse a specific word.
Finally, try to include context within the analysis rather than adding it to the ends of paragraphs.
Hope this helps. I don't know the Edexcel mark scheme so if any of this completely goes against what you've been taught just ignore me.

Hey, I think you’ve done a good job choosing strong quotes and exploring the theme of guilt, especially with how you looked at the blood and perfume examples. You clearly get what the characters are going through.
If you’re looking to improve, I’d suggest trying not to repeat phrases like “the metaphor” or “the reference” too much—mixing things up can make it flow better. Also, some sentences are a bit long and could be clearer if split up. Just a heads up on small grammar things too, like it should be “Lady Macbeth’s” with the apostrophe, and the word “intrinsic” instead of “intristic.”
Overall, I’d say it’s around a 14 out of 20. You’ve got the right ideas—it just needs some tightening up. Keep going, you’re definitely on the right track.
If you ever need to tailor your writings, feel free to send a DM for personal coaching, I will help you achieve your goal.
Amelia Ford

Hi. This essay clearly shows you have a good understanding of the characters, and you have some good analysis which is worded well. I cannot say how many marks this would get as I didn't do Edexcel, but I can give you some general tips that hopefully apply across exam boards.
I agree with the previous reply that not repeating phrases can make your writing flow better, but another improvement I suggest would be varying how you start sentences, as most of your sentences start with "the" or "this"
More importantly though, I think that there isn't enough analysis here as your two points and quotes are too similar. Both paragraphs boil down to: they cannot cleanse themselves of or hide the great guilt they carry. Also, half of your first paragraph is essentially you rewording the same thing 4 times in a row. Overall, this means you are repeating the same ideas when you could be exploring the theme further in a different direction (like lady M's sleepwalking, or the perpetual dark that engulfs Scotland) I think that zooming in more on different parts of the quotes would also help, as would picking quotes that show different points. For example, analysing the use of "Neptune" which could imply that since God cannot help Macbeth ("amen stuck in [his] throat"), he is desperately searching for any deity to aid him.
In your second paragraph I think your analysis of the word "sweeten" could be improved. Currently, your analysis isn't actually analysing the word it is summarising the quote, so the sentence in my opinion doesn't make sense as the word "sweeten" itself isn't showing all of that. Instead, you could write that the connotation of "sweet" could imply kindness or innocence if applied to a person, so Lady M wanting to "sweeten" her hand suggests that she wishes to hide her current unsweet guilty state. You zoom in on other quotes well, so I'd advise to just keep this is mind each time you analyse a specific word.
Finally, try to include context within the analysis rather than adding it to the ends of paragraphs.
Hope this helps. I don't know the Edexcel mark scheme so if any of this completely goes against what you've been taught just ignore me.

Hi can you provide some alternatives instead of saying “the and this”. Thank you

Just change up the structure of your sentences slightly sometimes. Starting a sentence with "the" isn't bad; it just gets very repetitive when used too often. So for example, instead of "The metaphor accentuates the power of the ocean" you could write "Accentuating the power of the ocean, the metaphor shows..." . Or instead of "The metaphor of the blood staining the oceans encapsulates the enormity of his crime and the inescapable nature of guilt", you could write "Through the metaphor of blood staining the oceans, Shakespeare encapsulates...." Just kind of shifting things around a bit.
Also, I'd recommend not using "this" as much as possible as it's too vague and it's much better to state exactly what you're referencing instead of saying "this"."This" could be many things- be specific.