Jealosy of sibling and body image
Hey guys, I'm a 17 year old asian girl, kinda chubby and overweight.
I have a 15 year old sister, and since we were little, she's always been the "prettier" or "more beautiful" sibling, since she's taller and skinnier, you know, the asian beauty standard and the body that i want. In photos with her or just being seen next to her, she would always look so much better than me, and I look so much bigger than her and my face looks wider. Clothes fit better on her, and she's able to wear cute crop tops and I feel too insecure to even buy or try them on.
I have been jealous of her perfect body since last year and tried to make her gain weight so I wouldn't look that much worse than her, so I have been giving her chocolates and sweets and marshmallows and tracking what foods have high calories and stuff and giving them to her as a gift. However she doesnt seem to gain any weight
Recently, I have found out that she doesnt eat like at all, because she keeps complaining about how fat she is (she is thin, like you can see her ribcage) and she would starve herself to be skinnier. She doesnt eat breakfast and often sneaks them upstairs and dump everything in the toilet and flush to get rid of the evidence. My mom packs lunch for her to school and she eats them but forces herself to throw them up right after. Sometimes she skips any afternoon snacks my mom offers (cuz she doesnt want carbs or protein, or even sugar in fruits)> And at dinner, she would get rid of 1/3 of food (especially meat) on her plate, and she eats very slowly and eats this tiny amount. Basically she just survives on the tiny plate of rice and veggies at dinner and the many pieces of gum she chews throughout the day. (I'd say at most she eats like 500-800 calories a day) idk if she has an ed, she keeps insisting she doesnt and she does this diet to not be obese, even though she is far from it
It has reached a point where I have wanted to ask my parents to keep track that my sister eats her food and doesn't take the plate to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet, so I could make sure she's actually eating and gain weight, but my sister has threatened me that she will do some bad stuff to me if i snitch on her about her extreme diet.
She also does swimming 4 days a week, so she loses weight very easily, and she has also been doing workouts and some boxing at home cuz she believes that she is "fat", and that has made me more insecure, as despite my efforts, I could not make her gain weight.
I acknowledge that my behaviour to make her gain weight is very bad, but the more stuff i give her to eat, the better I feel and the more happier I become.
I have also tried losing weight before by doing home workouts like skipping or plank exercise youtube videos because I cant afford a gym membership, but nothing has seemed to work and I kept gaining weight despite eating less and less everyday, so I gave up on exercising and figured my only plan to make me feel more confident was to make my sister fatter. I know she would never gain weight to be as big as me, but it would be less contrast between us in photos or irl if she gained a bit.
I know that all this jealousy has stemmed from my body image issues, and can be solved if I properly locked in and did a hell lot of exercise, but I never found the motivation or the energy to work out, or I was just being lazy and didnt want to get all sweaty and tired
Yeah thats all the ranting im going to do
the better and thinner my sister looks the more jealousy and hatred i feel
ik theres something wrong with me and yea i just needed to rant to someone
Thanks for listening
I have a 15 year old sister, and since we were little, she's always been the "prettier" or "more beautiful" sibling, since she's taller and skinnier, you know, the asian beauty standard and the body that i want. In photos with her or just being seen next to her, she would always look so much better than me, and I look so much bigger than her and my face looks wider. Clothes fit better on her, and she's able to wear cute crop tops and I feel too insecure to even buy or try them on.
I have been jealous of her perfect body since last year and tried to make her gain weight so I wouldn't look that much worse than her, so I have been giving her chocolates and sweets and marshmallows and tracking what foods have high calories and stuff and giving them to her as a gift. However she doesnt seem to gain any weight
Recently, I have found out that she doesnt eat like at all, because she keeps complaining about how fat she is (she is thin, like you can see her ribcage) and she would starve herself to be skinnier. She doesnt eat breakfast and often sneaks them upstairs and dump everything in the toilet and flush to get rid of the evidence. My mom packs lunch for her to school and she eats them but forces herself to throw them up right after. Sometimes she skips any afternoon snacks my mom offers (cuz she doesnt want carbs or protein, or even sugar in fruits)> And at dinner, she would get rid of 1/3 of food (especially meat) on her plate, and she eats very slowly and eats this tiny amount. Basically she just survives on the tiny plate of rice and veggies at dinner and the many pieces of gum she chews throughout the day. (I'd say at most she eats like 500-800 calories a day) idk if she has an ed, she keeps insisting she doesnt and she does this diet to not be obese, even though she is far from it
It has reached a point where I have wanted to ask my parents to keep track that my sister eats her food and doesn't take the plate to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet, so I could make sure she's actually eating and gain weight, but my sister has threatened me that she will do some bad stuff to me if i snitch on her about her extreme diet.
She also does swimming 4 days a week, so she loses weight very easily, and she has also been doing workouts and some boxing at home cuz she believes that she is "fat", and that has made me more insecure, as despite my efforts, I could not make her gain weight.
I acknowledge that my behaviour to make her gain weight is very bad, but the more stuff i give her to eat, the better I feel and the more happier I become.
I have also tried losing weight before by doing home workouts like skipping or plank exercise youtube videos because I cant afford a gym membership, but nothing has seemed to work and I kept gaining weight despite eating less and less everyday, so I gave up on exercising and figured my only plan to make me feel more confident was to make my sister fatter. I know she would never gain weight to be as big as me, but it would be less contrast between us in photos or irl if she gained a bit.
I know that all this jealousy has stemmed from my body image issues, and can be solved if I properly locked in and did a hell lot of exercise, but I never found the motivation or the energy to work out, or I was just being lazy and didnt want to get all sweaty and tired
Yeah thats all the ranting im going to do
the better and thinner my sister looks the more jealousy and hatred i feel
ik theres something wrong with me and yea i just needed to rant to someone
Thanks for listening
Reply 1
hope everything gets better
Reply 2
It sounds like your sister needs help. Don't be jealous of her - I doubt she is very happy living how she is living.
Reply 3
Original post by black tea
It sounds like your sister needs help. Don't be jealous of her - I doubt she is very happy living how she is living.
Yea I guess soo... but she looks amazing thoo
It pains me when she doesnt eat cuz i know she'll lose weight eventually and look nicer and I'll look like a thick walking tree log next to her
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Yea I guess soo... but she looks amazing thoo
It pains me when she doesnt eat cuz i know she'll lose weight eventually and look nicer and I'll look like a thick walking tree log next to her
It pains me when she doesnt eat cuz i know she'll lose weight eventually and look nicer and I'll look like a thick walking tree log next to her
Then the answer is to focus on yourself and your weight, not be jealous of your poor sister.
Reply 5
Original post by black tea
Then the answer is to focus on yourself and your weight, not be jealous of your poor sister.
yeah thats true
I just keep delaying myself and making up excuses about not working out
Reply 6
My sister is better looking than me as well, but I was always the skinnier one and hung onto that so I resented it immensely when she lost weight and now has the same BMI as me. Your sister hates herself too, so does mine. It's the one thing pretty much every girl/woman on the planet can find solidarity in. We don't need to hate/resent each other too.
Reply 7
i think both of you have very disordered behaviours. i hope you can both reach out and find help for it. your sister is not something you should be striving for, and her being skinny is not natural and she clearly has an eating disorder, and perhaps you may as well. they can be secretive, and people who have them are very much in denial. you are not wrong to tell your parents about her behaviours, i know you care about her as your sister and i think it would do her own health more benefit than wrong because this extreme starvation will detriment her life.
you are not less than your sister, you are not your sister. you are your own person who is worthy of as much love as anyone else. id advise u to question your intentions for weight loss, pursuing it through self hatred rather than self growth is not healthy nor is it at all kind. you must change your mindset first before anything, this cannot be solved through pursuit of weight loss as you can never be satisfied as long as you live with those lies. ive been through this before, and i completely get the pressure to be thin so much because im also east asian. ive seen many of my friends suffer from this vicious cycle too many times. its so difficult and it takes over your mind, but you can find joy outside of comparison. i hope one day you will realise how loved you are and how much you deserve it. i wish i could give you a hug right now, its like im seeing my younger self.
please take care
you are not less than your sister, you are not your sister. you are your own person who is worthy of as much love as anyone else. id advise u to question your intentions for weight loss, pursuing it through self hatred rather than self growth is not healthy nor is it at all kind. you must change your mindset first before anything, this cannot be solved through pursuit of weight loss as you can never be satisfied as long as you live with those lies. ive been through this before, and i completely get the pressure to be thin so much because im also east asian. ive seen many of my friends suffer from this vicious cycle too many times. its so difficult and it takes over your mind, but you can find joy outside of comparison. i hope one day you will realise how loved you are and how much you deserve it. i wish i could give you a hug right now, its like im seeing my younger self.
please take care
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
i think both of you have very disordered behaviours. i hope you can both reach out and find help for it. your sister is not something you should be striving for, and her being skinny is not natural and she clearly has an eating disorder, and perhaps you may as well. they can be secretive, and people who have them are very much in denial. you are not wrong to tell your parents about her behaviours, i know you care about her as your sister and i think it would do her own health more benefit than wrong because this extreme starvation will detriment her life.
you are not less than your sister, you are not your sister. you are your own person who is worthy of as much love as anyone else. id advise u to question your intentions for weight loss, pursuing it through self hatred rather than self growth is not healthy nor is it at all kind. you must change your mindset first before anything, this cannot be solved through pursuit of weight loss as you can never be satisfied as long as you live with those lies. ive been through this before, and i completely get the pressure to be thin so much because im also east asian. ive seen many of my friends suffer from this vicious cycle too many times. its so difficult and it takes over your mind, but you can find joy outside of comparison. i hope one day you will realise how loved you are and how much you deserve it. i wish i could give you a hug right now, its like im seeing my younger self.
please take care
you are not less than your sister, you are not your sister. you are your own person who is worthy of as much love as anyone else. id advise u to question your intentions for weight loss, pursuing it through self hatred rather than self growth is not healthy nor is it at all kind. you must change your mindset first before anything, this cannot be solved through pursuit of weight loss as you can never be satisfied as long as you live with those lies. ive been through this before, and i completely get the pressure to be thin so much because im also east asian. ive seen many of my friends suffer from this vicious cycle too many times. its so difficult and it takes over your mind, but you can find joy outside of comparison. i hope one day you will realise how loved you are and how much you deserve it. i wish i could give you a hug right now, its like im seeing my younger self.
please take care
when i say "you are not your sister" i mean that your identity is not solely revolved around her. you don't live as an extension of her. i know you are beautiful. i hope one day you will see this
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