deciding what uni to go to based on partner??
okay so im in year 12 and just thinking about what uni to go to, i obviously know ill be making the choice based on the course i want to do and what uni i like the most when i visit during open days. i'm also wondering if anyones had any experience with deciding to go to the same uni as your partner. he mentioned going to a uni that his sister goes to and i had a look into it and it genuinely looks like a good uni, nice accom, accredited bio courses, good student/night life. the grades to get in are more realistic for me as well. i just don't want to be naive and decide to go to the same uni as him. what do you lot think? i know our relationship could be just fine if we went to separate unis but the thought of not seeing him so often is scary.
Reply 1
10
Original post
by evsurferokay so im in year 12 and just thinking about what uni to go to, i obviously know ill be making the choice based on the course i want to do and what uni i like the most when i visit during open days. i'm also wondering if anyones had any experience with deciding to go to the same uni as your partner. he mentioned going to a uni that his sister goes to and i had a look into it and it genuinely looks like a good uni, nice accom, accredited bio courses, good student/night life. the grades to get in are more realistic for me as well. i just don't want to be naive and decide to go to the same uni as him. what do you lot think? i know our relationship could be just fine if we went to separate unis but the thought of not seeing him so often is scary.
if you genuinely like the university for what it is, and it’s a university you would like regardless of whether your partner is going to go there or not, then I don’t really see a problem. if the SOLE reason is for him, then I don’t think it’s worth it, because university is also YOUR own experience and shouldn’t be based on your partner.
Reply 2
21
If your intent is to be a future wife and not just one of the many relationships he will have over his life then as long as he knows your doing it for him, he will likely see it as a symbol of great commitment on your part.
Reply 3
21
A good friend came to uni with his 6th form gf and from what I saw it was pretty uncomfortable experience doing freshers type things with a partner. They broke up during the first term which was then painful. I would say best to go to separate places and see if a long distance relationship works out
Reply 4
Original post
by evsurferokay so im in year 12 and just thinking about what uni to go to, i obviously know ill be making the choice based on the course i want to do and what uni i like the most when i visit during open days. i'm also wondering if anyones had any experience with deciding to go to the same uni as your partner. he mentioned going to a uni that his sister goes to and i had a look into it and it genuinely looks like a good uni, nice accom, accredited bio courses, good student/night life. the grades to get in are more realistic for me as well. i just don't want to be naive and decide to go to the same uni as him. what do you lot think? i know our relationship could be just fine if we went to separate unis but the thought of not seeing him so often is scary.
I currently go to uni of Sheffield and my boyfriend is at uni of Birmingham. Honestly, I'd recommend going to separate unis. I've found it's really good to have essentially separate lives, which may sound scary, but honestly it's been good. We both have entirely separate friends as well as shared home friends, go to different societies, experience life differently. We went to the same school and were together for 2 years while at school so obviously it was a massive change, but definitely don't choose your uni based on where your partner is interested in unless you'd potentially be choosing that uni entirely separately if you weren't together. I'd say it's definitely easier given that we're both from near Birmingham so when I go home for the weekend or reading week I can see him to be fair. Occasionally I have been questioning the future of our relationship and perhaps the distance has added to this, but it's also comforting to know that should we break up that I have that uni life separate to his and it would maintain a sense of normality should that happen. If you're both committed to staying in contact and making the effort (definitely discuss this in detail before uni) then you will be fine.
Reply 5
Original post
by evsurferokay so im in year 12 and just thinking about what uni to go to, i obviously know ill be making the choice based on the course i want to do and what uni i like the most when i visit during open days. i'm also wondering if anyones had any experience with deciding to go to the same uni as your partner. he mentioned going to a uni that his sister goes to and i had a look into it and it genuinely looks like a good uni, nice accom, accredited bio courses, good student/night life. the grades to get in are more realistic for me as well. i just don't want to be naive and decide to go to the same uni as him. what do you lot think? i know our relationship could be just fine if we went to separate unis but the thought of not seeing him so often is scary.
I currently go to uni of Sheffield and my boyfriend is at uni of Birmingham. Honestly, I'd recommend going to separate unis. I've found it's really good to have essentially separate lives, which may sound scary, but honestly it's been good. We both have entirely separate friends as well as shared home friends, go to different societies, experience life differently. We went to the same school and were together for 2 years while at school so obviously it was a massive change, but definitely don't choose your uni based on where your partner is interested in unless you'd potentially be choosing that uni entirely separately if you weren't together. I'd say it's definitely easier given that we're both from near Birmingham so when I go home for the weekend or reading week I can see him to be fair. Occasionally I have been questioning the future of our relationship and perhaps the distance has added to this, but it's also comforting to know that should we break up that I have that uni life separate to his and it would maintain a sense of normality should that happen. If you're both committed to staying in contact and making the effort (definitely discuss this in detail before uni) then you will be fine.
I did go to the same uni as my (then) partner and it worked out reasonably well for us, to be honest - i think it being covid in our first year probably made a difference as we didn't have an opportunity to really do freshers etc. so there was less we were "missing out" on. I think possibly it disincentivised me from prioritising friendships at uni which i'd have liked to have to done more - since we had each other around all the time I maybe didn't try to maintain friendships as much as I maybe otherwise would've done. We had been together for 2 years prior to going to the same university, and had history as friends before dating.
We lived in the same student accommodation building but different flats in first year and then in the same house but we had our own rooms in 2nd year. I think those were some good boundaries to make sure we both had some space and also gave us some breathing room for if anything had gone wrong (thankfully it didn't!) we broke up between 2nd and 3rd year when I left to do a placement year and she stayed to complete her final year. We've remained good friends and don't regret going to uni together! In lots of ways it was nice, really.
I think the main things I would keep in mind are -
Have you been together a long time already (ideally 2+ years, but definitely at least a full year...) and have you got experience resolving situations - i.e. you've argued and made up on several occasions and you don't hold previous issues against each other/dredge up old problems?
Do you think if you were to break up, you would both manage that situation calmly, without wanting to hurt each other - you would have each other's best interests in mind even if you fell out of love? Often you can have some kind of indication of that, just dependent on the sorts of people you are, and the nature of your relationship. If you're the types to have blow-out arguments (or ice each other out for days without talking it through properly!) you might have a feeling it's more likely to end badly.
Have some other options - apply for other unis. Don't rely on this being the be-all and end-all. And make sure you aren't settling for somewhere you like less for your partner! Me and my ex didn't know for sure we were going to the same uni until results day and even though it was anxiety-inducing at times I think it helped us both focus on the universities for their own merits without worrying about each other.
...and make sure to maintain your space and personal lives - try to not live in each others' pockets - have some friends that are separate - try and do things without each other from time to time. Don't rush into living together and have a contingency plan for if you do break up while living together(!)
We lived in the same student accommodation building but different flats in first year and then in the same house but we had our own rooms in 2nd year. I think those were some good boundaries to make sure we both had some space and also gave us some breathing room for if anything had gone wrong (thankfully it didn't!) we broke up between 2nd and 3rd year when I left to do a placement year and she stayed to complete her final year. We've remained good friends and don't regret going to uni together! In lots of ways it was nice, really.
I think the main things I would keep in mind are -
Have you been together a long time already (ideally 2+ years, but definitely at least a full year...) and have you got experience resolving situations - i.e. you've argued and made up on several occasions and you don't hold previous issues against each other/dredge up old problems?
Do you think if you were to break up, you would both manage that situation calmly, without wanting to hurt each other - you would have each other's best interests in mind even if you fell out of love? Often you can have some kind of indication of that, just dependent on the sorts of people you are, and the nature of your relationship. If you're the types to have blow-out arguments (or ice each other out for days without talking it through properly!) you might have a feeling it's more likely to end badly.
Have some other options - apply for other unis. Don't rely on this being the be-all and end-all. And make sure you aren't settling for somewhere you like less for your partner! Me and my ex didn't know for sure we were going to the same uni until results day and even though it was anxiety-inducing at times I think it helped us both focus on the universities for their own merits without worrying about each other.
...and make sure to maintain your space and personal lives - try to not live in each others' pockets - have some friends that are separate - try and do things without each other from time to time. Don't rush into living together and have a contingency plan for if you do break up while living together(!)
Reply 7
Original post
by illuminated-cramI currently go to uni of Sheffield and my boyfriend is at uni of Birmingham. Honestly, I'd recommend going to separate unis. I've found it's really good to have essentially separate lives, which may sound scary, but honestly it's been good. We both have entirely separate friends as well as shared home friends, go to different societies, experience life differently. We went to the same school and were together for 2 years while at school so obviously it was a massive change, but definitely don't choose your uni based on where your partner is interested in unless you'd potentially be choosing that uni entirely separately if you weren't together. I'd say it's definitely easier given that we're both from near Birmingham so when I go home for the weekend or reading week I can see him to be fair. Occasionally I have been questioning the future of our relationship and perhaps the distance has added to this, but it's also comforting to know that should we break up that I have that uni life separate to his and it would maintain a sense of normality should that happen. If you're both committed to staying in contact and making the effort (definitely discuss this in detail before uni) then you will be fine.
Update: we broke up end of May and I still very much stand by this. Obviously makes sense, but having those different friends, not having the anxiety of potentially bumping into each other, normality at uni has been so helpful. Obviously a break up is a break up and very difficult regardless, but so much easier not being at the same uni when going back after Summer.
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