OCD & relationships & uncertainty intolerance & neediness & cold approach

My biggest problem is the fact that I'm scared of not finding a girlfriend again. I met with a woman when I was 21 and she was 31. It lasted for 1,5 years.

After that I tried finding a girlfriend but couldn't manage it somehow. I'm 25 now and incredibly needy. There're "what if" thoughts on my mind all the time. "What if she doesn't reply to my text? What if we go on a date but then she doesn't want to see me again? What if she misunderstands me kissing her on the cheek?" etc.

And probably because of these thoughts I've scared women that I've met away. I kept texting them to get guarantee that if we're gonna certainly meet or to understand that if they're still interested, etc.

I just need a guarantee that I'm gonna find a girlfriend. I know that life doesn't give guarantees but I just can't live that way. I also need to know that I'm not cursed or I don't have unluck in my life. I'm scared of being alone forever or finding someone only when I got old.

I also don't have a social circle. I have some friends but that's all. I generally try to meet women via cold approach. I know that this method isn't that effective but I've met with all women until now via cold approach. I just want that to work one more time. And I try to do that with respect and without being a creep.

Also, therapy (CBT) didn't work at all. Even though I've used around 15 meds and none of them worked properly, my current psychiatrist said that I should be using meds for some time - maybe forever. He also said that I have resistant OCD (I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12 or 13 due to religious obsessions).

Do you have any thoughts/advice for me?

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

hey! im woman 23 who only recently got into a relationship and its my first serious relationship (had like two in school).
I can tell you 100% you do not need a girlfriend right now - you need to focus on your own life instead of another's. You need to talk to drs about meds/therapy, maybe better understand your condition and your own struggles in life. What are your career plans? Have you finished education? What hobbies do you enjoy/want to try? Maybe meet with friends more often and build on those relationships, or find new ones!
I have been through serious mental health battles, and I know the want you can feel to have someone to love you and support you because you think its what you need - its not. Its a cry for help, and you need to be the person to support and love yourself. If you get into a relationship "desperate" to have someone to love you, it will end in heartbreak. You can negatively affect them, and they WILL NEVER be enough to heal you, because the root of the problem is within you yourself.

You will find love when you are in a better place, trust me. When someone comes out of a journey like what youre going on, it makes you a wildly interesting and strong person that anyone would want to be with.

Reply 2

black tea

You may well have OCD, but all of those "what if" thoughts are very normal. You need to find a better way of dealing with them than constantly texting for reassurance if that's the reason women are breaking up with you (which they may not be, unless that's something they have specifically told you). As for being cursed and all that, that's nonsense - the vast majority of people who want to be in a relationship end up in a relationship. If cold approach isn't working, you may want to look into other option.

Reply 3

solidmoon1

Original post

by black tea

But what if I'm not in the vast majority of people who eventually end up in relationships?

Also, do you have any advice on how I can better deal with "what if" thoughts?

Reply 4

black tea

Original post

by solidmoon1

But what if I'm not in the vast majority of people who eventually end up in relationships?
Also, do you have any advice on how I can better deal with "what if" thoughts?

So what if you are? Relationships are not the be all and end all and if you are unhappy single, a relationship will not make you happy...

Reason with yourself. Or think of the worst possible outcome and plan for it, and then if doesn't happen (which it most likely won't), it will feel great. Or just distract yourself. I would also suggest looking into self-help therapy books (personally found that more helpful than attempts I've had at actual therapy previously) or perhaps trying a different therapy modality or even just a different therapist. And take your meds if your psychiatrist thinks you need them, they help loads with anxiety.

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