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Stubborn sister

Hi, I'm 17 and my sister is 15. I feel like shes been very stubborn at home and I don't know how to un-stubborn her. She expects every answer to be a yes, and if I don't do what she says, she'll either throw a tantrum or not talk to me for several days. For example, (I'm not going into too much detail cuz she might be on this app as well) few weeks ago she asked me if I could take her to this center 5 minutes away from our house. And at the time, I had just finished my year 12 mocks, and so I wanted to chill at home and didn't feel like going anywhere outside, so I said no I'm not going. Shes 15 anyway, so she should be capable of walking herself 5 minutes there. She then kept repeating her question “Can you take me there” “take me there” “take me there” I've tried explaining to her “I've already said no I'm not going, so respect me please. i dont want to go by no she kept nagging me and that eventually led to her crying and throwing a tantrum.

Also at home she acts like she owns my stuff. She takes my stuff without my permission, eats my snacks, unplugs my charger without telling me, cuz her phones plugged into her own charger but her earbuds need charging as well. And despite her having a bedroom and a study room, she uses my room for her makeup. I mean she has a dresser in her room for goodness sake

idk
I dont know how to get her to be more respectful to other people. Everytime I talk to her she either tells me to f off and shut up or she'll reply with a “whatever”

pls help

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi, I'm 17 and my sister is 15. I feel like shes been very stubborn at home and I don't know how to un-stubborn her. She expects every answer to be a yes, and if I don't do what she says, she'll either throw a tantrum or not talk to me for several days. For example, (I'm not going into too much detail cuz she might be on this app as well) few weeks ago she asked me if I could take her to this center 5 minutes away from our house. And at the time, I had just finished my year 12 mocks, and so I wanted to chill at home and didn't feel like going anywhere outside, so I said no I'm not going. Shes 15 anyway, so she should be capable of walking herself 5 minutes there. She then kept repeating her question “Can you take me there” “take me there” “take me there” I've tried explaining to her “I've already said no I'm not going, so respect me please. i dont want to go by no she kept nagging me and that eventually led to her crying and throwing a tantrum.
Also at home she acts like she owns my stuff. She takes my stuff without my permission, eats my snacks, unplugs my charger without telling me, cuz her phones plugged into her own charger but her earbuds need charging as well. And despite her having a bedroom and a study room, she uses my room for her makeup. I mean she has a dresser in her room for goodness sake
idk
I dont know how to get her to be more respectful to other people. Everytime I talk to her she either tells me to f off and shut up or she'll reply with a “whatever”
pls help

I think the best you can do is set your boundaries and STAND by them (and I don't mean just verbally repeating them). Otherwise, if she keeps getting away with disrespecting them, she'll never take your no seriously. If she throws a tantrum let her, if she doesn't want to talk to you, let her after all. You need to show her that shouting or silent treatment won't automatically change your mind. She needs to unlearn entitlement but every time you say no, she can still do whatever she wants. I think to her, "no" is just a place holder before she gets what she wants
She needs to understand that no means no. If she takes your charger, take it back, if she tries to do make up in your room, lock your room, if she's shouting at you to take her somewhere, walk away. Use a more actionable approach because just telling her "you can't take my things" has clearly failed. And sometimes people just need to experience growth on their own and there isn't much you can do to "unstubborn" her when she doesn't realise she has a problem.(you know? the whole "you can take a horse to a spring, but you can't make it drink" thing)
The best thing you can do for her right now is stand by your boundaries and have some sort of correction mechanism when she breaches them.

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