Let’s talk about loneliness!

Hi, I’m Andie from the Wellbeing team at University of Staffordshire. We’ve all felt loneliness, so it’s time we talked about it!

How do you ask someone if they're lonely?

Sometimes people don’t want to say they’re lonely or they don’t want it pointed out to them. Instead of asking “Are you lonely?” try “‘Do you think you’d benefit from seeing more people?’ This opens the door to a conversation without pressure.

What do you do if you're feeling lonely?

If saying you’re lonely feels tough, try “I feel like I’m not seeing enough people and I would benefit from more social contact.” The subtext is there, and the other person will understand. It also helps you feel that you are taking control of the situation and are doing something about it. Don’t feel embarrassed, get practical instead!

Things to remember about loneliness

1. It’s completely natural

Most of us will experience loneliness at some point in our lives. Loneliness doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you – it’s your body’s way of letting you know that you’re not getting your social needs met. Consider it like a warning sign that you need to address your social needs – like hunger is a warning sign you need to eat.

2. It isn’t just something older people feel

People aged 16-24 are now the most likely group to be affected by loneliness, while women and people from ethnic minorities were amongst the groups most affected by loneliness during the pandemic. 45% of adults in England (25 million people) say they feel occasionally, sometimes or often lonely.

3. There are different types

Situational – where we might have moved to a new place or live somewhere where we don’t have the right level of connection.

Linked to a specific life event like bereavement, a relationship breakdown or becoming a new parent.

Workplace loneliness if you are not getting the right level of connection.

Emotional loneliness can happen in relationships and families, where you have people in your life but you don’t feel close to or understood by them.

There is no ‘one size fits all’ to loneliness and more often than not, you won’t know someone is feeling lonely, unless they say.

4. Language matters – think about how you describe loneliness

Very often it’s described as something we ‘suffer’ from and that we ‘admit’ to having. There is nothing to feel embarrassed or shameful about. Try using kinder language, swapping in ‘experience’ instead of suffering and ‘telling’ instead of admitting.

5. Loneliness is fixable

Often it can feel overwhelming and something that we will feel forever, but we can take immediate steps to feel better. Tell someone you trust how you’re feeling, think about what you need and make a plan. If you feel that loneliness is having a deeper detrimental impact on your life, reach out to a health professional.

If you’ve got any questions about loneliness or the support available, pop them below :smile: