Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
Does it actually? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousDoes it actually? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
It probably depends the person
Reply 2
Original post
by IlikehellokittyIt probably depends the person
What’s it dependent on?
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousDoes it actually? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
It certainly can do
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousDoes it actually? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
Can you provide some context
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousCan you provide some context
Yeah sure! So I came out of a 3 year relationship. Everything was going so well between the both of us. I would do everything I can to give the utmost level of unconditional affection truly down from the bottom of my heart because I love her, I still love her and loved her so so, so much. I would do everything I can to ensure that she was taken care of, looked after well, her health and wellbeing was my number one priority and that I prioritised to every extent and there was nothing more that I personally wanted than what’s the best for her and her personal interest by supporting her in her educational goals and ambitions helping her get vital experience related to her field of study to support her years at university. And then 5 and a half months ago back she told me we should not meet, that she was trying to become a better version of herself and that 5 and half months down the line in comparison to the good morning texts, and the texts I would get throughout the day and night she just became dry and cold text wise. Now to this day I wonder 5 and half months that is has our separation especially from our 3 year relationship gone down well with her? Does she actually miss me or even think about me? Is there something that is driving her to come back? Why did it all of a sudden happen if everything was going so so well?
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousCan you provide some context
Yeah sure certainly! So we came out of a 3 year relationship recently. Everything was going so well. I will be honest when I say this that as a partner I am clingy. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but as a clingy partner affection wise and time quality and spent wise you are definitely sure to have it! For her that was something I was always prepared to do because I loved her and still love her so so so much. I would do everything to ensure she felt taken care of, looked after that her health and wellbeing was prioritised and I supported her in her goals and ambitions educationally that is to using my experience to help her gain experience to help her towards her studies. I was the all round love language type of guy. And then 5 and a half months ago back was when she decided to go cold, she told me that it was best we don’t meet because she wanted to “improve herself, becoming the best version of herself for me” and from the regular texts we would have each and every single day it just became dry, if anything I make more of the effort to reach out to her then she does? So I question myself this… How can you be busy for the person you love? Are you actually busy or is there something or someone else? Was I just led and played on by equally waiting for her because in the long term I wanted to marry her also? Does she actually miss me? If she does why she not making the effort to reach out? Does she even think about me? Will she look back with regret after everything I done for her, been there for her through her challenging, bad days and supported her in the dark when she had no one else to rely upon or look to and others including her family questioned her abilities?
Reply 7
Distance if it's geographic distance or travelling time distance kills relationships. A plan needs to be put in place and executed if there's a lot of miles between the 2 of you.
Distance if it's giving the other person space when you're not together does make the heart grow fonder, but it's not the whole story.
The way that love grows is that you spend quality time together and then you're apart and giving them space and then you're together, then apart and so on. It's them thinking about you when you're not together that makes the love grow. As well as the quality times together.
Being clingy reduces interest and attraction with most people. There are exceptions to this, such as my dad's 3rd wife. She's a very bossy woman, quite possibly a narcissist. The sort that is convinced she's always right and that her role in life is to boss everyone else about. She thrives on clingy adoration.
What you also get is a honeymoon period that usually lasts 6 to 24 months. When that ends you start taking all the good things about the other person for granted and you instead focus on all the negatives. In order for a loving relationship to last beyond that point it requires a level of maturity from both people. It also requires compatibility in 6 key areas. Important practical areas of living together with a person where there are no work-arounds if compatibility isn't there.
What you also need is a positive trajectory. If the relationship stagnates or moves in a negative direction, love will wilt.
For a long term relationship, a positive trajectory can be as simple as sharing typical life milestones. Getting married, having children together, raising them, buying a better house, reaching retirement etc etc etc.
The longer a relationship goes on, the more important it is to go on lovey dovey dates, week-ends away, holidays together.
And in and amongst all this is the quality of you. Nobody's perfect. But it helps if you have a set of admirable traits. The most important of which is your mental and emotional strength.
There's various tips and techniques for taking advantage of the absence makes the heart grow fonder. EG during the initial stages of the relationship, say "No" to about one in 5 date offers.
Distance if it's giving the other person space when you're not together does make the heart grow fonder, but it's not the whole story.
The way that love grows is that you spend quality time together and then you're apart and giving them space and then you're together, then apart and so on. It's them thinking about you when you're not together that makes the love grow. As well as the quality times together.
Being clingy reduces interest and attraction with most people. There are exceptions to this, such as my dad's 3rd wife. She's a very bossy woman, quite possibly a narcissist. The sort that is convinced she's always right and that her role in life is to boss everyone else about. She thrives on clingy adoration.
What you also get is a honeymoon period that usually lasts 6 to 24 months. When that ends you start taking all the good things about the other person for granted and you instead focus on all the negatives. In order for a loving relationship to last beyond that point it requires a level of maturity from both people. It also requires compatibility in 6 key areas. Important practical areas of living together with a person where there are no work-arounds if compatibility isn't there.
What you also need is a positive trajectory. If the relationship stagnates or moves in a negative direction, love will wilt.
For a long term relationship, a positive trajectory can be as simple as sharing typical life milestones. Getting married, having children together, raising them, buying a better house, reaching retirement etc etc etc.
The longer a relationship goes on, the more important it is to go on lovey dovey dates, week-ends away, holidays together.
And in and amongst all this is the quality of you. Nobody's perfect. But it helps if you have a set of admirable traits. The most important of which is your mental and emotional strength.
There's various tips and techniques for taking advantage of the absence makes the heart grow fonder. EG during the initial stages of the relationship, say "No" to about one in 5 date offers.
Reply 8
21
for me, it's always 'out of sight, out of mind'..
Reply 9
Original post
by Ciel.for me, it's always 'out of sight, out of mind'..
Well the theory been trialled and tested and I love her ever so much although I have come to the acceptance that I must move on and forget about her.
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousWell the theory been trialled and tested and I love her ever so much although I have come to the acceptance that I must move on and forget about her.
You could try fixing the main things that caused her to lose interest and attraction in you. And then get together in person with her again, and by being the new you, allow her to see that you've changed.
If nothing else, this will stand you in good stead for the next woman that comes along.
Reply 11
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerYou could try fixing the main things that caused her to lose interest and attraction in you. And then get together in person with her again, and by being the new you, allow her to see that you've changed.
If nothing else, this will stand you in good stead for the next woman that comes along.
If nothing else, this will stand you in good stead for the next woman that comes along.
@Dunnig Kruger I don’t see it worth fixing. She herself said she can’t stand to look at me :/. I had made the effort to visit her workplace this was unannounced though and about an hour away, I approached her fellow colleagues and asked whether she was working or not though she said that was just me harassing them, even though I spoke in normal natural soft tone too. She claimed it was narcissistic or even psychotic to even make the effort to come and see her. And she was the one 5 and a half months ago who said that she was working on herself, I didn’t know that our time spent with each other physically will be limited but it was, she became cold and dry over text making no effort to message if anything between the both of us it was myself that had the desire to text her. I don’t believe in love anymore man, I don’t trust it, it’s too good to be true. Yet to this very day as a “well wisher” even though I love her I still wish best for her. Whether that’s Jobs popping up, helping her in her applications towards them I still do that…
Reply 12
Love exists. In many different forms and flavours.
There's nothing too good to be true about most loving relationships. Most of the time long term love makes a lot of logical sense as well as it being an emotional thing.
Would it be fair to say that you will never travel to a woman's workplace unannounced again?
It wasn't narcissistic, and probably wasn't psychotic. It was simply a needy / clingy mistake on your part. I've made mistakes like that myself. The more painful ones I've learnt from.
With that amount of hostility from her, I'd agree that it's not worth spending any effort on your part to try to fix things with her.
You should stop helping her with job applications.
It is still very much you worth addressing the main things that killed your relationship with her. To increase your chances of success with the next woman.
There's nothing too good to be true about most loving relationships. Most of the time long term love makes a lot of logical sense as well as it being an emotional thing.
Would it be fair to say that you will never travel to a woman's workplace unannounced again?
It wasn't narcissistic, and probably wasn't psychotic. It was simply a needy / clingy mistake on your part. I've made mistakes like that myself. The more painful ones I've learnt from.
With that amount of hostility from her, I'd agree that it's not worth spending any effort on your part to try to fix things with her.
You should stop helping her with job applications.
It is still very much you worth addressing the main things that killed your relationship with her. To increase your chances of success with the next woman.
Reply 13
@Dunnig Kruger She then goes if it’s meant to be it’ll be and then I said to her I can tell by your answers where and how this is heading. And to myself I was just like don’t force it no more, don’t even bother chasing it no more it’s not worth it. So don’t see anything worth it no more worth fighting for or making up to be honest…
Reply 14
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerLove exists. In many different forms and flavours.
There's nothing too good to be true about most loving relationships. Most of the time long term love makes a lot of logical sense as well as it being an emotional thing.
Would it be fair to say that you will never travel to a woman's workplace unannounced again?
It wasn't narcissistic, and probably wasn't psychotic. It was simply a needy / clingy mistake on your part. I've made mistakes like that myself. The more painful ones I've learnt from.
With that amount of hostility from her, I'd agree that it's not worth spending any effort on your part to try to fix things with her.
You should stop helping her with job applications.
It is still very much you worth addressing the main things that killed your relationship with her. To increase your chances of success with the next woman.
There's nothing too good to be true about most loving relationships. Most of the time long term love makes a lot of logical sense as well as it being an emotional thing.
Would it be fair to say that you will never travel to a woman's workplace unannounced again?
It wasn't narcissistic, and probably wasn't psychotic. It was simply a needy / clingy mistake on your part. I've made mistakes like that myself. The more painful ones I've learnt from.
With that amount of hostility from her, I'd agree that it's not worth spending any effort on your part to try to fix things with her.
You should stop helping her with job applications.
It is still very much you worth addressing the main things that killed your relationship with her. To increase your chances of success with the next woman.
Yeah it was a mistake. But hey I wasn’t able to help it I’ll proudly admit and be honest when I say this handheld up I am a clingy partner but as a clingy partner that unconditional love will never fade away
. For everything that I done for her supported her throughout her education journey, ensuring her health and wellbeing was my utmost priority whilst we were out and about and spending time with one and other, making sure I did everything I can possible to make her felt happy and heard, as I said supporting her now towards her career goals and ambitions still your right in me stopping that now. I just don’t know how to go about it no more especially after recently what happened. But success again yeah I’m not sure about that .Reply 15
Original post
by AnonymousDoes it actually? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
IMHO, it depends, on a number of things including:-
1) how well they knew each other
2) The level of attraction felt or previously existing
3) What are the circumstances for one of them leaving?
4) Are there any other "opportunities" readily available?
5) Is there realistically a potential long-term future
6) what has / hasn't happened in their relationship.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea now.
I don't want to sound too cynical, but in many cases, I find the opposite saying can be just as true; i.e. "out of sight, out of mind".
Still, if you love someone, set them free... and if they come back, then you know they're yours forever.
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