need help (i cant stop feeling like this)
okay so brace yourselfs.
recently ive been feeling an emotion that i usually felt when i was younger. it went away for a long time but now its back and destroying everything inside of me. i try to get up and do my work (have an exam tomorrow) and i no longer have motivation, i cry every minute i am alone because i feel like if i put in time, energy and actually try and revise the, i would always fail. and if i do fail then i will be certain i am a failure. so i dont try, i dont pick up a pen i distract myself. because knowing myself that i am a disapoinment and that i put 100% in it and still failed would break me and i couldnt prove that not again. as before it broke me in ways that got me in really bad trouble and faced massive consequences as i thought i couldnt do it, i couldnt brace myself for whats coming.
i think am depressed but it used to way worse before, i never use to eat, i laid in my bed everyday,i cried constantly until i felt numb (but still makeing sure everyone was happy, #faketuntilitsfixed) i lost may friends that i had no care in the world. but now i just feel like i am not good enough for anyone. sooo many people have left my life, and it hurts because why am i actually a problem when i try my hardest, i take every sweat and tear to make sure everyone is happy before myself, that everyone eats before i do because my heart is only content if the ones i love are. but they still left me like it was nothing. and the worse thing is that some exposed my deep secrets i told them around and left me dying on the inside even more.
i hate talking about my feelings, its something that scared the legit shii out of me, that why i need to cut this short, please help me fix myself i cant keep going like this but i do find some sort of comfort in my pain!!.
recently ive been feeling an emotion that i usually felt when i was younger. it went away for a long time but now its back and destroying everything inside of me. i try to get up and do my work (have an exam tomorrow) and i no longer have motivation, i cry every minute i am alone because i feel like if i put in time, energy and actually try and revise the, i would always fail. and if i do fail then i will be certain i am a failure. so i dont try, i dont pick up a pen i distract myself. because knowing myself that i am a disapoinment and that i put 100% in it and still failed would break me and i couldnt prove that not again. as before it broke me in ways that got me in really bad trouble and faced massive consequences as i thought i couldnt do it, i couldnt brace myself for whats coming.
i think am depressed but it used to way worse before, i never use to eat, i laid in my bed everyday,i cried constantly until i felt numb (but still makeing sure everyone was happy, #faketuntilitsfixed) i lost may friends that i had no care in the world. but now i just feel like i am not good enough for anyone. sooo many people have left my life, and it hurts because why am i actually a problem when i try my hardest, i take every sweat and tear to make sure everyone is happy before myself, that everyone eats before i do because my heart is only content if the ones i love are. but they still left me like it was nothing. and the worse thing is that some exposed my deep secrets i told them around and left me dying on the inside even more.
i hate talking about my feelings, its something that scared the legit shii out of me, that why i need to cut this short, please help me fix myself i cant keep going like this but i do find some sort of comfort in my pain!!.
Reply 1
hey girl, sorry to hear that. I know how it feels to give it your all and still feel like a failure, but think of it like this - you’ve improved a lot and our brain is still developing. Be proud of how far you’ve come and dont compare yourself to others. When u see your progress, great things happen. You become stronger and better, knowing that you made progress. So try and do 1% more everyday, even if that means lowering your screen time by an hour, or drinking just a few more cups or reading more pages everyday. These habits might seem little when you start, but you’re missing the bigger picture. Improving. Progress. Success. By believing in yourself just a little more, you take a step closer to becoming successful, please don’t lose any hope. Things get better, believing it or not, but life is always a rollercoaster. Everybody has their own struggles thats not shown in the outside world. Just like you - making people smile, providing love and support to your loved ones. Anyone can seem jolly and inlove with life. This is why you should keep trying to find your true self, find people you can tell everything to. Someone that won’t judge you for your feelings (which are normal) and be comfortable around. Smile when you wake up, journal your day, find a way to express these hidden feelings and thoughts in a meaningful way. When you feel tired and just can’t hold on anymore, thats your body telling you to rest and stop. You’re allowed to take breaks, nobody is forcing you not to. And as for your grades, dont stop now. Thats all I have to say. Everything takes time, but if you ever feel guilty of not studying or not knowing a material well enough, thats the best time to actually start studying and force yourself in it. Remember this, you’re not losing anything when u study, you will be surprised by the results if you truly have given it your all. I know you said you did, but look up study techniques that works for you. Learn from your mistakes, let that fuel you. Change your strategy and mindset, focus on yourself only. People pleasers can take a day off ya know? Also I would advise you to change the location of your study place, like a change of scenery would be nice. And go on nature walks in the morning to clear your mind.
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