Is there something wrong with me?

Is there something wrong with me - in terms of supporting abusers. I find my myself in situations where I’m on the perpetrators side, rather than the victim. It’s not intentionally it just seems to happen that way. Especially when it comes to celebrities in the entertainment industry like R. Kelly/Diddy (for an example) is it because of the music they create, makes it harder for me to separate the two and just like them as an artist and as a person?
Is it bad that I’m also a woman, and I find myself victim blaming women who have been abused by men. I don’t know, I probs don’t understand the psychology of it, but it’s when I read articles of women saying they’ve been abused by blah blah and detail the experience they had and they end up suing their partner or whatever, and my immediately reaction is that they are always looking for a come up like money as a reward - although it’s not a reward, I guess it’s justice for them.
This probably sounds so awful to think this way, but I feel like I’ve been like this since I was a teenager and I’m in my middle 20’s now. Sometimes I find it so hard to believe women or even men would be stuck in a position where they are controlled by someone else, and not have the ability to leave and get some help.
My cousin mentioned to me some weeks ago saying how I never really support women and I like violent people. Is there something wrong with me?

imo, yes!!!!!!!

Explain further, I’d like to know why!

Is there something wrong with me - in terms of supporting abusers. I find my myself in situations where I’m on the perpetrators side, rather than the victim. It’s not intentionally it just seems to happen that way. Especially when it comes to celebrities in the entertainment industry like R. Kelly/Diddy (for an example) is it because of the music they create, makes it harder for me to separate the two and just like them as an artist and as a person?
Is it bad that I’m also a woman, and I find myself victim blaming women who have been abused by men. I don’t know, I probs don’t understand the psychology of it, but it’s when I read articles of women saying they’ve been abused by blah blah and detail the experience they had and they end up suing their partner or whatever, and my immediately reaction is that they are always looking for a come up like money as a reward - although it’s not a reward, I guess it’s justice for them.
This probably sounds so awful to think this way, but I feel like I’ve been like this since I was a teenager and I’m in my middle 20’s now. Sometimes I find it so hard to believe women or even men would be stuck in a position where they are controlled by someone else, and not have the ability to leave and get some help.
My cousin mentioned to me some weeks ago saying how I never really support women and I like violent people. Is there something wrong with me?

why shouldn't they want compensation though? especially if the damage they suffered to their body might be permanent?

Personally, growing up, my mother would slut shame other women, blame other women for getting sexually assaulted ('but what was she wearing?') so I grew up with the belief that some women, due to their behaviour or due to the way they dressed, were at fault for being assaulted. I also grew up in the time of the internet where 'anti-feminist' and 'SJW gets owned compilations' were rampant across Youtube, further reinforcing my opinion that feminism was bunk and that women deserved to get assaulted due to what they wear etc. And that isn't even the whole of it - the media is rampant with open hatred towards women and girls. So yeah, I'm ashamed to admit, but when I was around 11-15, I probably would have agreed with you and understood where you were coming from. Furthermore, I felt great sympathy for men - 'not all men (('. The media told me that it's not all men - that majority of men are safe and will not hurt me or assault me, so that other women are lying and trying to paint all men as evil and predatory. This assertion failed me miserably. I feel so stupid looking back, but until I was 16, I genuinely believed that most men were not predatory and I felt bad for men as a whole because of the way they're 'represented' in society - leading me to the false belief that I was safe around men. That was until I was sexually assaulted twice, at 16, by grown adult men who I thought wouldn't hurt me, or do anything to me, because 'not all men, right?'. My mind swiftly changed about men, and society past that point. And what did my mother do? She watched one of the assaults happen, and completely blamed me for the whole thing despite my age and vulnerability. She defended the men.
All of that is to say: defending men will not benefit you at all. I did it for too long, and ended up assaulted and severely depressed for three years, living with a mother who I knew blamed me for the whole thing due to her sympathies lying with the men - for some unbeknown reason.
Unfortunately, no woman is safe in this globe and I honestly feel fortunate to live in a country where I'm at least able to access reproductive care, education etc. because women from across the globe aren't so lucky. I think you're going to initially disagree, but patriarchy has instilled into women, and clearly men alike, that we (women) are always going to be subordinate to men. Genuinely, wake up and look around. Women's rights are being stripped from them at an ever increasing speed. Again, think yourself fortunate that you're even able to access education and can leave the house without a man escorting you. Men largely control the state, the policies implemented, science and technology etc. Women only recently started to be included in clinical trials, and there is still extremely limited knowledge about the health and wellness of women. Most doctors chalk symptoms of pain and discomfort down to anxiety - neglecting to investigate the real, potentially serious cause. Sexual assaults and domestic violence cases in the UK largely do not get investigated and the prosecutor gets away with it completely - free to assault another women.
The only thing that prevented me from going absolutely crazy after being assaulted was reading the works of feminists. Things started to make sense and I felt less alone. Perhaps going straight into engaging with feminist thought will be too large of a jump for you, but I would highly recommend.
Defend men all you want - but you won't be defending them when something awful happens to you at the hands of men. I truly hope you can live this life without experiencing assault, harassment, domestic abuse, violence etc. from men, but unfortunately it is disgustingly common and none of us should see ourselves as less of a target for whatever reason. Honestly, I feel lucky that I was assaulted at 16 and not 6, or 10, as so many girls are. I'm in no way shape or form saying that all men are evil, or seek to hurt women but a lot are complicit due to the ideas and attitudes in which we've all been socialised.
I'm not looking for sympathy, or to change your opinion - that will happen gradually over time, but consider my words; they might just one day save you from what I went through.

I don’t think theirs anything wrong with you, the fact that you are asking this question proves that you have some awareness. I think it’s more of a lack of experience in this area. Until you have experienced some form of abuse you won’t really understand what that feels like and how one can easily end up in a situation where they are abused. Count your lucky stars you have avoided such trauma. if unfortunately you do encounter abuse, then you might end up enlightened. However, if you find that you don’t change your opinion then perhaps you might want to speak to a professional. 😆

I totally agree. The fact that you are even asking yourself that question to me proves that you might jut be ignorant (true definition of ignorant not rude, meaning you just lack knowledge) on the subject. Obviously if you feel like you lack empathy there might be some other underlying issues. The way you react to certain situations might relate to your own traumas and experiences where you want to believe that someone who did you wrong isn’t actually that much of a bad person so you act like then because accepting that bad people are bad and that you are acting like then mcould cause you too much pain so your brain just does this weird thing where it tries to protect you. Anyway i could keep on going for hours, long story short: bad people don’t ask themselves if they are bad. You might have internalised misogyny as a coping mechanism and/or has never experienced any sort of abus* to understand that its very easy to be manipulated by people who you have feelings for or when you depend on them

imo, yes!!!!!!!

you are too woke

you are too woke

you are too woke