I feel conflicted
I have been with my gf for 3 years. At the beginning it was amazing. I loved every minute of being with her, her smile, her curves, her eyes. I was in bliss.
But the past year it has diminished drastically. We recently got into a big argument over something trivial and I found her on the bed in tears, and it broke me so I paced over to her and gave her a big hug and kissed her tears away and she confessed that if we broke up she would end up deeply depressed and in a dark place which hurt me and I kissed her on her forehead and promised I would never leave her.But I am just not happy in the relationship anymore, I spoil her with trips overseas, acrylic nails, shopping, clothes and take her to nice restaurants and care about her deeply. I refuse to let her pay for anything when she's with me. Even when she offers to pay I tell her to put that card away. I take care of everything for her.Seeing her happy and her smile radiate when I spoil her makes my heart smile for a few minutes but it's a brief moment of happiness and then my world returns to black and white although on the surface you wouldn't be able to tell as I always made her laugh and took her to do spontaneous activities that I knew she'd love when I sense she felt down just to brighten up her day. But I am sacrificing my happiness to see her happy and build memories with her.I have often been tempted to text other girls that have shown interest in dating me.A few months ago she caught me texting another girl and snatched the phone and began bawling her eyes out when she read the text messages, she was so distraught she began shaking and screaming for her family and wanted her father to comfort her, which really hurt. It hurt me so bad that I also began tearing up as I always made her feel like a princess. So seeing her crying so hard like that on the floor had me in unbearable pain. I was pacing up and down my apartment from the pain I was feeling, desperate to hug her to comfort her but she pushed me away and screamed. But when she began packing her bags to leave the apartment I was begging for her to stay but she had her bags fully packed and seemed adamant on walking out the door. Her friend was waiting outside in the car ready to take her away, but she couldn't walk outside the door. And turned around and ran into my arms, bawling that she can never leave me. Leaving me was too painful for her. Ever since then I haven't texted any girls. Seeing her in such deep pain was enough to stop me from texting or dating other girls.Although every time we would argue she would often say that we should break up but would go back on her words and end up hugging me whispering that she loves me too much to break up with me and I would just end up kissing her on her forehead and holding her tight to comfort her. She gave me the password to her phone and gave me control of her social media and I often check her DMs of countless guys trying their best to get a chance with her but I leave them on read. She has only one friend and she tried convincing her to leave and doesn't understand why she is still with a guy like me saying that she is beautiful and should just break it off as I will always be tempted to cheat.I console her and tell her to ignore her but deep down I know she is right.The thought of me dating other girls while knowing she's depressed and in a dark place alone because we broke up. Stops me from doing it.With my other exes I had no issue breaking up with them and moving on as I knew they would bounce back quickly. But my girl is different. She's so emotionally fragile and dependent. She likes to remind me that I am her rock. I bought us an apartment so I could be with her constantly. I have always been there for her both emotionally and financially. She doesn't have any friends apart from one and was bullied at school. So I am basically her best friend. So I will be in pain knowing I hurt her and left her deeply depressed all alone if we break up. I don’t know how she will deal with being alone without me there as I have always been her rock for 3 years.It’s the unknown that scares me. It feels like I will be leaving her all alone in the ocean with no one. And I don’t want that for her. I care too deep to abandon her.But I also know I am sacrificing my happiness to keep her in my life to care for her. The moment I hugged her between my arms tight and kissed her tears away we locked eyes and I saw she was in pain when we talked about breaking up, and that put enough fear in my heart to not make her go through that sort of pain. I don't want her to suffer, but I also want to feel happiness again. I am torn. I don't know what to do. I often feel like a horrible person for allowing her to fall so deep in love with me. And the suffering I would cause on her if we broke up.I often ponder what my life would be like if I never met her and it leaves me feeling empty. As I know I'd be much happier, and she would have found someone better than me. Her friend was right about me. I was taken away by her beauty the first time I set eyes on her in that red dress with her hourglass figure, her gorgeous smile and warm eyes and we went on our first date. We had so much chemistry at the start of our relationship, all the laughs and memories we built. I cherished every second of it, I thought she was the one, I never would have imagined it would lead down such a dark hole of hurt and turmoil. I feel trapped!
But the past year it has diminished drastically. We recently got into a big argument over something trivial and I found her on the bed in tears, and it broke me so I paced over to her and gave her a big hug and kissed her tears away and she confessed that if we broke up she would end up deeply depressed and in a dark place which hurt me and I kissed her on her forehead and promised I would never leave her.But I am just not happy in the relationship anymore, I spoil her with trips overseas, acrylic nails, shopping, clothes and take her to nice restaurants and care about her deeply. I refuse to let her pay for anything when she's with me. Even when she offers to pay I tell her to put that card away. I take care of everything for her.Seeing her happy and her smile radiate when I spoil her makes my heart smile for a few minutes but it's a brief moment of happiness and then my world returns to black and white although on the surface you wouldn't be able to tell as I always made her laugh and took her to do spontaneous activities that I knew she'd love when I sense she felt down just to brighten up her day. But I am sacrificing my happiness to see her happy and build memories with her.I have often been tempted to text other girls that have shown interest in dating me.A few months ago she caught me texting another girl and snatched the phone and began bawling her eyes out when she read the text messages, she was so distraught she began shaking and screaming for her family and wanted her father to comfort her, which really hurt. It hurt me so bad that I also began tearing up as I always made her feel like a princess. So seeing her crying so hard like that on the floor had me in unbearable pain. I was pacing up and down my apartment from the pain I was feeling, desperate to hug her to comfort her but she pushed me away and screamed. But when she began packing her bags to leave the apartment I was begging for her to stay but she had her bags fully packed and seemed adamant on walking out the door. Her friend was waiting outside in the car ready to take her away, but she couldn't walk outside the door. And turned around and ran into my arms, bawling that she can never leave me. Leaving me was too painful for her. Ever since then I haven't texted any girls. Seeing her in such deep pain was enough to stop me from texting or dating other girls.Although every time we would argue she would often say that we should break up but would go back on her words and end up hugging me whispering that she loves me too much to break up with me and I would just end up kissing her on her forehead and holding her tight to comfort her. She gave me the password to her phone and gave me control of her social media and I often check her DMs of countless guys trying their best to get a chance with her but I leave them on read. She has only one friend and she tried convincing her to leave and doesn't understand why she is still with a guy like me saying that she is beautiful and should just break it off as I will always be tempted to cheat.I console her and tell her to ignore her but deep down I know she is right.The thought of me dating other girls while knowing she's depressed and in a dark place alone because we broke up. Stops me from doing it.With my other exes I had no issue breaking up with them and moving on as I knew they would bounce back quickly. But my girl is different. She's so emotionally fragile and dependent. She likes to remind me that I am her rock. I bought us an apartment so I could be with her constantly. I have always been there for her both emotionally and financially. She doesn't have any friends apart from one and was bullied at school. So I am basically her best friend. So I will be in pain knowing I hurt her and left her deeply depressed all alone if we break up. I don’t know how she will deal with being alone without me there as I have always been her rock for 3 years.It’s the unknown that scares me. It feels like I will be leaving her all alone in the ocean with no one. And I don’t want that for her. I care too deep to abandon her.But I also know I am sacrificing my happiness to keep her in my life to care for her. The moment I hugged her between my arms tight and kissed her tears away we locked eyes and I saw she was in pain when we talked about breaking up, and that put enough fear in my heart to not make her go through that sort of pain. I don't want her to suffer, but I also want to feel happiness again. I am torn. I don't know what to do. I often feel like a horrible person for allowing her to fall so deep in love with me. And the suffering I would cause on her if we broke up.I often ponder what my life would be like if I never met her and it leaves me feeling empty. As I know I'd be much happier, and she would have found someone better than me. Her friend was right about me. I was taken away by her beauty the first time I set eyes on her in that red dress with her hourglass figure, her gorgeous smile and warm eyes and we went on our first date. We had so much chemistry at the start of our relationship, all the laughs and memories we built. I cherished every second of it, I thought she was the one, I never would have imagined it would lead down such a dark hole of hurt and turmoil. I feel trapped!
Reply 1
I don't know how old you are, this whole thing reads like you're young due to the lack of paragraphs but the fact you spend money on overseas trips etc. tells me otherwise.
Honestly, didn't read half of it due to the lack of paragraphs but if you're unhappy and no longer want to be with her then just break up with her. It's unfair on both of you for you to continue this façade. I'm sure she'll survive without you.
Honestly, didn't read half of it due to the lack of paragraphs but if you're unhappy and no longer want to be with her then just break up with her. It's unfair on both of you for you to continue this façade. I'm sure she'll survive without you.
Reply 2
There are no circumstances in which it's a good move to pay for everything when a woman is with you - when everything includes: trips overseas, acrylic nails, shopping, clothes, nice restaurants
It poisons the whole dynamic of the relationship.
It poisons the whole dynamic of the relationship.
Reply 3
It sounds like she is in a REALLY comfortable position in this relationship. But what is she doing for you?
Her happiness is not your responsibility. If you are not getting what you need from this relationship, you shouldn't feel manipulated into staying it. It sounds like she has at least two people in her life who will be there to look after her if you break up so I'm sure she will get over it.
Her happiness is not your responsibility. If you are not getting what you need from this relationship, you shouldn't feel manipulated into staying it. It sounds like she has at least two people in her life who will be there to look after her if you break up so I'm sure she will get over it.
Reply 4
Original post
by black teaIt sounds like she is in a REALLY comfortable position in this relationship. But what is she doing for you?
Her happiness is not your responsibility. If you are not getting what you need from this relationship, you shouldn't feel manipulated into staying it. It sounds like she has at least two people in her life who will be there to look after her if you break up so I'm sure she will get over it.
Her happiness is not your responsibility. If you are not getting what you need from this relationship, you shouldn't feel manipulated into staying it. It sounds like she has at least two people in her life who will be there to look after her if you break up so I'm sure she will get over it.
I don't really know what I am getting in the relationship. I guess the presence of having someone in my life. Which isn't ideal.
Reply 5
Break up. She will get over it and definitely will be happier on the other side, as it sounds like she is already accepting the end of your relationship but youre still together.
I was in this position a year ago, with my now ex we kept arguing and I was so scared of breaking up that I kept saying sorry and pretending like the issues werent there. But he was never truly there for me, and the issues I had he ignored and never wanted to help me. I knew deep down we were over, that communication was dead, but i was so scared of being alone and without him because it was my normal. But I broke up with him in the end, fed up with being depressed and feeling more and more unloved, I couldnt love myself in a relationship with someone who didnt love me. Now I am happy, and learning things about myself that I find really cool. Im loving myself, and doing what makes me happy.
I feel like you need this too, both you and your partner. Being separate will help both of you realise what makes you happy. Being together is purgatory, from the sounds of it. You need to get over the worst of it in the breakup, i know its scary- that initial period of lonliness and heartbreak. But you will thank yourselves for it. Take care.
I was in this position a year ago, with my now ex we kept arguing and I was so scared of breaking up that I kept saying sorry and pretending like the issues werent there. But he was never truly there for me, and the issues I had he ignored and never wanted to help me. I knew deep down we were over, that communication was dead, but i was so scared of being alone and without him because it was my normal. But I broke up with him in the end, fed up with being depressed and feeling more and more unloved, I couldnt love myself in a relationship with someone who didnt love me. Now I am happy, and learning things about myself that I find really cool. Im loving myself, and doing what makes me happy.
I feel like you need this too, both you and your partner. Being separate will help both of you realise what makes you happy. Being together is purgatory, from the sounds of it. You need to get over the worst of it in the breakup, i know its scary- that initial period of lonliness and heartbreak. But you will thank yourselves for it. Take care.
Reply 6
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerThere are no circumstances in which it's a good move to pay for everything when a woman is with you - when everything includes: trips overseas, acrylic nails, shopping, clothes, nice restaurants
It poisons the whole dynamic of the relationship.
It poisons the whole dynamic of the relationship.
I don't think it harms the rs if it's done in a healthy way, partners deserve to be treated but constantly doing it is very much over the top
Reply 7
Honestly bro just break up with her, can't believe you need ppl on the Internet to tell you tht ur clearly not happy in this rs.
You're both toxic to each other, you're (indirectly) bribing her with all these nice things and then thinking of cheating on her every other day and she's making you unhappy and being overly dependent on you in an unhealthy manner
You're both toxic to each other, you're (indirectly) bribing her with all these nice things and then thinking of cheating on her every other day and she's making you unhappy and being overly dependent on you in an unhealthy manner
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousBreak up. She will get over it and definitely will be happier on the other side, as it sounds like she is already accepting the end of your relationship but youre still together.
I was in this position a year ago, with my now ex we kept arguing and I was so scared of breaking up that I kept saying sorry and pretending like the issues werent there. But he was never truly there for me, and the issues I had he ignored and never wanted to help me. I knew deep down we were over, that communication was dead, but i was so scared of being alone and without him because it was my normal. But I broke up with him in the end, fed up with being depressed and feeling more and more unloved, I couldnt love myself in a relationship with someone who didnt love me. Now I am happy, and learning things about myself that I find really cool. Im loving myself, and doing what makes me happy.
I feel like you need this too, both you and your partner. Being separate will help both of you realise what makes you happy. Being together is purgatory, from the sounds of it. You need to get over the worst of it in the breakup, i know its scary- that initial period of lonliness and heartbreak. But you will thank yourselves for it. Take care.
I was in this position a year ago, with my now ex we kept arguing and I was so scared of breaking up that I kept saying sorry and pretending like the issues werent there. But he was never truly there for me, and the issues I had he ignored and never wanted to help me. I knew deep down we were over, that communication was dead, but i was so scared of being alone and without him because it was my normal. But I broke up with him in the end, fed up with being depressed and feeling more and more unloved, I couldnt love myself in a relationship with someone who didnt love me. Now I am happy, and learning things about myself that I find really cool. Im loving myself, and doing what makes me happy.
I feel like you need this too, both you and your partner. Being separate will help both of you realise what makes you happy. Being together is purgatory, from the sounds of it. You need to get over the worst of it in the breakup, i know its scary- that initial period of lonliness and heartbreak. But you will thank yourselves for it. Take care.
Thank you... I wish I could do what you did, god knows it would be like a weight off my back once we end it. But its the unknown that scares me, I hate the feeling knowing I caused another persons suffering.
I congratulate you on having the courage to end it even though you were scared of breaking up.
I will keep her in my life and support her but I do need to end it. Us staying together is detrimental.
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousThank you... I wish I could do what you did, god knows it would be like a weight off my back once we end it. But its the unknown that scares me, I hate the feeling knowing I caused another persons suffering.
I congratulate you on having the courage to end it even though you were scared of breaking up.
I will keep her in my life and support her but I do need to end it. Us staying together is detrimental.
I congratulate you on having the courage to end it even though you were scared of breaking up.
I will keep her in my life and support her but I do need to end it. Us staying together is detrimental.
Good luck and look after yourself. It sounds like she has friends she can go to so dont let yourself worry over her, even though at the start itll be hard.
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