Student finance hates me!

I had successfully created a student finance account but every time I try to log in I get this error message:
Sorry, something has gone wrong
An unknown error has caused the application to stop working.
Try and login later to resume your task.
If you continue to see this message, contact Student Finance England.
I said "okay" and I gave it a few days, logging in each time, before I had enough and contacted Student Finance England. They were no help! The person I spoke to on the phone was acting like they have never heard of this issue before, which I thought was impossible since I have seen others experiencing the same problem from YEARS ago. Nonetheless, I was put on hold and then given a CRN and some possible solutions such as trying a different browser or clearing my cookie cache. To my luck, none of these worked of course. Which meant that I would have to apply through post.
Before I did though... I attempted to make a new account which didn't work and shows that I really do have an account and the correct login details. However, in an attempt to salvage the account I also tried resetting my login details but strangely it comes up with an error message suggesting that an account under my name does not exist or "we haven't been able to verify you". This has honestly made me even more confused!
After dreadfully completing and mailing my 58 page long paper application (which I paid next day delivery for), I waited...and I waited to hear a reply or some acknowledgement that it had been received. The May 16th deadline eventually passes and I finally receive an email this morning.... except they actually want to inform me that some "important information missing" from my step-father and cannot progress further with my application. I honestly cannot imagine what information that will be since I had checked that form multiple times before mailing it, and annoyingly enough they wont bother to inform me of what this information is! In the email they go on to tell me that the easiest way to reconcile this is to apply online (just rubbing more salt into my wound) or to fill out ANOTHER FORM... except my parents are now on holiday and uncontactable because they are in the middle of the ocean (great!) and I have no access to a printer because it is the May half-term and I was using the one in my school...
Honestly, the main purpose of this post may have been to express my frustration but if anyone here knows how to resolve the technical issue with my online account or can give some reassurance that my life wont end if I complete my application this far past the deadline, that would be amazing!